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Old 04-08-2013, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,475,201 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arkansas Mac View Post
Quite a stretch to assume just because there are children who don 't behave that their parents wish they never had them !
I don't think so at all.
I think a lot of people, as I've stated, are afraid to go there, are fearful of being honest with themselves. Mothers have mentioned this to me in private, mothers with kids who do not seem as bad as those I have mentioned.

A lot of life is looked at, perhaps not entirely consciously, through a cost-benefit type of analysis. Most people stay in relationships because they get more of a positive feedback than negative. My husband and I rarely quarrel, raise our voices, we share fun experiences and have interesting conversations, we share interests. There is a lot going for us. If he came home drunk each night and yelled and beat me, would I stay with him?

Well, think of an unmanageable kid who routinely upsets your life, stinks at school, will not try to better himself, takes drugs, is truant, etc. Or think of that monster who just yells and throws fits as a small child and cannot sit still and read and concentrate for more than five minutes.

I venture that NOBODY, if they are being honest, wants those kids. Now you might ask, which came first - does the monster act up because the parent does not want it, or does the parent reject the child mentally because the kid is just impossible and always was?

Just google 'parents who regret having kids'. You may be surprised.

50%-90% of parents REGRET having kids - Hot Topics - What to Expect.com
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Old 04-08-2013, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,947 posts, read 83,597,281 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wwanderer View Post
Okay, this is in response to the other thread, about being childless as a senior.

I responded to that thread, but on reflection, I felt I was horning in, since I do have a child and don't regret it.

So, I am starting this thread.

Are you happy that you had children, or do you regret that you did? Why?

When I was in the thick of the terrible teenaged years, I sometimes regretted it, amidst the tears, fears and anguish. But even then I loved him. Yes, we spent a lot of money on him (teeth, unfinished college, shrinks.) And missed out on many adventures, although we managed to do some great travel once he started growing up.

I feel like the love that a parent feels for a child is very special and irreplaceable (pets notwithstanding !)

I also think that being a parent is one of life's great adventures, and makes you grow in fundamental ways.

He's going his own way now, and I applaud that, but we fortunately continue to be close in many ways, and I hope that my husband and I will continue to have a mutually loving relationship with our son until we're both gone.

I DO NOT hope that I become a burden to him, nor do I expect him to take care of me. Nor do I expect him to produce grandchildren.

DISCLAIMER: this is in no way intended to belittle all the folks that chose not be parents. Life is full of adventures, and parenting is just one of them.
I could not imagine not being a parent and as a senior I am so thankful for the love my kids give us. They are here for us, in everyway, they make our lives so much more meaningful and now even grandkids are having kids, so we have little ones around for holidays. We have one daughter that choose not to have kids. I hope she doesn't, someday regret it, but in the meanwhile we her kids and she spoils us rotten. I love every minute of her spoiling to be honest. So, we feel we have the world on a string when it comes to kids...We have wonderful kids, we have one daughter who lives close by; she and her husband are always available to help us. In fact we will buy our top soil for the garden this Wed and she will come over in the evening and help us dump it cause we have trouble lifter 40 lb bags. Our son, is a son, and lives in Florida, so we don't see him nearly as often but he is still a great son. Our daughter in Fl is the one without kids. Because she isn't here to help us she spoils us in other ways. I think we are just plain lucky.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:09 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,182,772 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
That should apply to all the parents of ALL the kids that became mass murder kids before and or after they have grown up .Parents who do nothing about their mentally ill kids are the parents that should not have been allowed to have kids in the first place ! Having children in the first place should be a privilege not a right !! If you do not qualify you will not be allowed to have them....There are way to many unwanted kids being born and for no good reason, they should be aborted ! Until we wake up and start seeing what violence, guns, disturbed kids, unresponsive parents can do, the massacre at New Town's all around the world will continue.
I agree with you 100%...However, good luck with trying to pass a Law that makes that much sense....The backers and supporters of the law would be labelled as "Racists" and/or "Proponents of Genocide".....Politicians don't have the cojones to go there....

Last edited by Chaffeetrekker; 04-08-2013 at 01:31 PM..
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: pacific northwest
419 posts, read 564,183 times
Reputation: 271
If I had to do it all over again and know what I know today - I would have never had children. However, that said I love my child and would never wish I never had her.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:48 PM
 
239 posts, read 475,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pnwretired View Post
if i had to do it all over again and know what i know today - i would have never had children. However, that said i love my child and would never wish i never had her.

oxymoron
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Old 04-08-2013, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,475,201 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by pnwretired View Post
If I had to do it all over again and know what I know today - I would have never had children. However, that said I love my child and would never wish I never had her.
Thank you for being so honest.

I knew a woman who is very family oriented. She is very closed mouthed about her kids because there is little good to say about them. She says she loves them dearly, but one son has been in and out of rehab. The daughter was a smart kid and should have gone to college, but she got pregnant and was a good Catholic, so had the kid and married the guy. They moved to an inexpensive area. Jobs were hard to find, so she stayed home and naturally had another kid. Then the husband ended up being addicted. They divorced. She is now on government assistance and has been dating this guy for years, but not married.

Pretty much the kids are not educated and their lives are a mess. Who needs it?
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Old 04-08-2013, 06:12 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 988,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arkansas Mac View Post
oxymoron

I don't think so.

I have great (grown) children. That being said, they were expensive and a lot of work, and I sometimes wished I could be doing other things.

I think they would tell you that they wished they had been born to another mother, but they wouldn't be who they are if they weren't mine. And I think, for the most part, that they like themselves.

So, some of us who say that we wish we had not had children are not saying that we don't love the children we have, but that we would like to have the life we imagine we might have had if we had never had children.

whew.
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Old 04-08-2013, 06:23 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,708,488 times
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I don't regret having children. I do regret who I had them with. Sadly.

You can only move forward in life. Looking back does no good. Decisions were made based on choices set in circumstances at that particular time, with the variables of that time frame. I made the best of the choices I had at that time.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:16 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,888,154 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I don't regret having children. I do regret who I had them with. Sadly.

You can only move forward in life. Looking back does no good. Decisions were made based on choices set in circumstances at that particular time, with the variables of that time frame. I made the best of the choices I had at that time.
What I always had a problem with is children( more than one ) considering the facts at hand, making the wrong choice and knowing it. I made my choice long ago when I was 20 , one kid then divorce 5 years later.
Why O why have multiple children? There is no requirement to propagate the world,mas if having children was a nessarly thing, regardless of who you are married too. Note: I am not singling in on you or any one on this forum. My thoughts are based on observation.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:18 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,586 posts, read 10,768,019 times
Reputation: 9292
They are my life- the product of my life. How can I regret attaining the only real wealth that a human being can really have.. Offspring...To regret would be like saying a rose regrets blooming. It is better to bloom whither and die than to never have bloomed and whither and die.
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