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Old 04-11-2013, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,160 posts, read 6,938,188 times
Reputation: 7427

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I disagree that people never admit that they regret having had children.

When my husband and I attended our 25th High School reunion a couple years ago, countless people came up and admitted they were deeply envious of us because we never were burdened with kids. Then many launched into endless monologues of how expensive kids are and the pain they caused them with drugs, bad relationships and assorted other drama.
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Old 04-11-2013, 09:53 PM
 
13,314 posts, read 25,550,246 times
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I do think that it isn't only about if the children turned out "badly" and were lots of trouble with their own troubles. I personally simply can't stand to be around children- the younger, the worse it is- and babies repulse me. Everything that works for me is affected negatively by children's presence, and I never saw a reason to find out if "it would be different if they were my own." I just saw nothing positive *for me* in being a parent, even if the kid grew up to cure cancer and all that.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:34 AM
 
Location: pacific northwest
419 posts, read 564,059 times
Reputation: 271
I think most who have had children are lying to themselves if they think they would not go back and change something about having children: not had any at all, had less children. Don't think you would find too many who regret not having any.

This is not to say that the children that were born were not loved; in most cases this is the truth, but in some cases not so much.
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,215,210 times
Reputation: 6866
Does anyone regret not having more children? I have 3, but because they turned out so well, I sometimes regret not having one or two more.
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Wherever I happen to be at the moment
1,229 posts, read 1,137,601 times
Reputation: 1836
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I don't regret having children. I do regret who I had them with. Sadly.
Me too! But on the other hand, if I hadn't they wouldn't be who they are.

As to the original question, I don't regret any one of them. But if I had it to do over..
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,784 posts, read 19,886,317 times
Reputation: 23202
There are times when I have wished there was some acceptable form of retroactive birth control
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Old 04-12-2013, 12:01 PM
Status: "0-0-2 start!" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,289 posts, read 15,342,559 times
Reputation: 9463
I think you can always find someone who regrets something - going to college, not going to college, getting married, not getting married, staying married, not staying married, having children, not having children, moving, not moving, retiring, not retiring, etc etc etc.

Reasons are varied and highly personal, and we seem to have a lot of people in the thread taking offense at someone else's reasons, which really - someone else's life is NOT YOURS, so their reasons are valid for them and have nothing to do with you or your morality/beliefs system..
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Old 04-12-2013, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,655,251 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by PNW-type-gal View Post
I think you can always find someone who regrets something - going to college, not going to college, getting married, not getting married, staying married, not staying married, having children, not having children, moving, not moving, retiring, not retiring, etc etc etc.

Reasons are varied and highly personal, and we seem to have a lot of people in the thread taking offense at someone else's reasons, which really - someone else's life is NOT YOURS, so their reasons are valid for them and have nothing to do with you or your morality/beliefs system..
Very good insight. I do not nor do I know any child free people who have ever taken offense towards anyone who chose to have children because those child free people chose not to reproduce. For whatever reasons, and there are many, they made the conscious decision that parenthood was not for them but what others did was not their concern.

I the reverse is so often not the case. Rather than accepting another person's personal decision not to have children, other people from family to friends even to neighbors feel they have the right to weigh in and give an opinion on it.

Things like "You'll change your mind." "Did you have an unhappy childhood?" "Are you unable?" "Why don't you like kids?" "You must be very selfish?" "Are you okay to be around kids, are they safe around you?" "You can be a part of my family and enjoy my kids."

The list is endless and I am quoting just the tip of the iceberg of comments I have actually had given me throughout my life. Even on this thread, someone suggested something like people who didn't chose to have kids must be selfish and mentally unbalanced.

A person's reasons are their reasons. Just as someone may have good reason to have kids, there are those who have good reason not to, with no regrets.
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Old 04-12-2013, 03:22 PM
 
1,965 posts, read 2,711,399 times
Reputation: 3432
I totally regret having children. They grew up to be materialistic, narcissistic, selfish adult brats. My (few) grandchildren aren't much better. I have no idea what happened. They didn't get everything they wanted. I didn't force them to share, altho' I suggested. We sent them to good private schools. My kids were in sports, and their father and I were involved. My world didn't revolve around them, but my ex and I were good, loving parents. It must be our fault -- somehow -- but I'd like to think that this society had a great deal of influence on them also. So, anyway, we don't live close to each other and we don't talk much either, and what they probably don't even realize is: I really like it that way!
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Old 04-12-2013, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
Well I'll venture in here to say something weird. I see life in a more spiritual way and believe that the unborn choose their parents for what they know they have to work out in life. They may choose the best parents in the world or they may choose the worst, depending on what they know they need in this lifetime. Our lives are a spiritual destiny. The unborn are not clueless. Our task on earth is to work through what we are given. How awful if every child in the world arrives into perfection. There is then no reason or drive for self-realization through things that have to be overcome. Suffering is all part of this. For those who will whine about having to pay for others' mistakes, well, that's life.
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