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Old 04-12-2013, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Florida
19,788 posts, read 19,891,223 times
Reputation: 23207

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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Well I'll venture in here to say something weird. I see life in a more spiritual way and believe that the unborn choose their parents for what they know they have to work out in life. They may choose the best parents in the world or they may choose the worst, depending on what they know they need in this lifetime. Our lives are a spiritual destiny. The unborn are not clueless. Our task on earth is to work through what we are given. How awful if every child in the world arrives into perfection. There is then no reason or drive for self-realization through things that have to be overcome. Suffering is all part of this. For those who will whine about having to pay for others' mistakes, well, that's life.
Do you personally know any child that is/was severely abused by one or both of their parents?
What do you say to them....You made your bed, so sleep in it?
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Old 04-12-2013, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,170 posts, read 8,691,075 times
Reputation: 6167
Smile No regrets

I had very low expectations, never expected to be married much less have children. Just not on the radar. However, I would tell you that having my children was the biggest surprise of my life - now two very independent young adults in their 20's.

No relationships for either; just a bunch of friends but I love them both dearly and they have only added to my life. Was it always smooth? No but I never would have traded the bad and good moments.
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Old 04-12-2013, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,586 posts, read 10,768,019 times
Reputation: 9292
It was worth it. My adult kids are wonderful. My first daughter commented to me a few weeks ago "Dad - You never taught us any life skills..all you did was play with us" That's my fatherhood in a nut shell. All I gave them was time. For someone who was never given any "life skills" that daughter is about to leave on a world tour on behalf of the great charity she works for...apparently I must have given them something - Love...and ethics and strong independent characters...they are free people.....just like me.
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Old 04-12-2013, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,216,058 times
Reputation: 6866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
It was worth it. My adult kids are wonderful. My first daughter commented to me a few weeks ago "Dad - You never taught us any life skills..all you did was play with us" That's my fatherhood in a nut shell. All I gave them was time. For someone who was never given any "life skills" that daughter is about to leave on a world tour on behalf of the great charity she works for...apparently I must have given them something - Love...and ethics and strong independent characters...they are free people.....just like me.
Sorry, Oleg, but your daughter didn't say she was never given any "life skills", she said that YOU never taught your children life skills. Not that love and ethics are insignificant (I wish that ALL parents made their children feel loved and secure) but I'd wager that someone else deserves credit for doing the heavy lifting.
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Old 04-13-2013, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,475,201 times
Reputation: 8777
Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
Somethings we may never know. In my case the ex Wife that was protecting our drug infested son turned out to be Gay, so , he grew up without a male role model, for whatever thats worth? It is a real shame though to see anyone still be addicted at 50, has little self respect, no goals, and is unemployed most of the time.
It's frustrating as hell to see people with potential just throwing their lives away, maybe wallowing in self pity, maybe not having anyone to hold their attention long enough to give them direction.
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Old 04-13-2013, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,475,201 times
Reputation: 8777
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Do you personally know any child that is/was severely abused by one or both of their parents?
What do you say to them....You made your bed, so sleep in it?
I think the person is saying that a child knows and chooses the parents who don't like them or beat them or abort them - that this is all some kind of a divine plan.

But that would also imply that a parent chooses the child who is ill and dies early or because of a chemical imbalance is defiant and in trouble and screwed up all his life.

The thing is, each of us probably does the best he can in making the decisions he does at the time. Our best teacher is pretty much life experience. We all gravitate towards pleasure. For some, pleasure is found in family, not so for others.
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Old 04-13-2013, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,955,447 times
Reputation: 6544
I have learned so much from my children and from the whole process of parenting....being married and having children allowed me the experience of loving people more than I love myself - I've learned to sacrifice, to find incredible joy in having a family, be frugal, how to teach and guide, be patient, learn my weaknesses and strengths by having children. I've also learned to turn the other cheek, not make premature judgments of my children who haven't fully matured, and to keep my lips zipped and smile when the kids are grown and married. So many lessons learned, some sadness and failure but lots and lots of accomplishment and joy.

The best is our boys are grown with families and we have a good relationship with all...this is a great thing for us.
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Old 04-13-2013, 09:40 AM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,554,182 times
Reputation: 20505
I cannot concur with newenglandgirl about people's souls choosing their parents and issues. I used to want to believe this kind of thing, because reincarnation and planned lives and all made some sense of suffering, but spending time in the Third World and growing up around Holocaust survivors took away my ability to believe in the world working this way.
I told this to my aunt, who tries very hard to believe in god's plan and "lessons in life" and she said rather soberly to me, "You certainly are a realist." It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.
Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
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Old 04-13-2013, 12:32 PM
Status: "0-0-2 Game On!" (set 3 hours ago)
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,295 posts, read 15,345,231 times
Reputation: 9468
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Very good insight. I do not nor do I know any child free people who have ever taken offense towards anyone who chose to have children because those child free people chose not to reproduce. For whatever reasons, and there are many, they made the conscious decision that parenthood was not for them but what others did was not their concern.
I have heard it both ways - "child free" people being scornful of "breeders" (look up any "child free" forum on the internet) and parents berating people who have no children about their "selfish attitude." It comes from both camps.
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Old 04-13-2013, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,658,574 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by PNW-type-gal View Post
I have heard it both ways - "child free" people being scornful of "breeders" (look up any "child free" forum on the internet) and parents berating people who have no children about their "selfish attitude." It comes from both camps.
I know what is meant by "breeders" because I know militant childfree people and have seen many of the boards to which you are referring. It isn't because those people chose to have kids that the label "breeder" has evolved. There is a history to it. The scorn comes as a retaliation towards those who look down on them for not reproducing and their often superior attitudes. They will troll childfree message boards spewing their distain and insults much as someone has done on this thread.

But I don't want to derail this thread with a discussion of semantics. So I am going to leave it at that.
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