U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 04-13-2013, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,955,447 times
Reputation: 6544

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I know what is meant by "breeders" because I know militant childfree people and have seen many of the boards to which you are referring. It isn't because those people chose to have kids that the label "breeder" has evolved. There is a history to it. The scorn comes as a retaliation towards those who look down on them for not reproducing and their often superior attitudes. They will troll childfree message boards spewing their distain and insults much as someone has done on this thread.

But I don't want to derail this thread with a discussion of semantics. So I am going to leave it at that.
I truly believe that there are some that should not be parents - some actually realize this remain childless to their credit - others have children because of the expections of others and the child ends up being the loser...and of course so many have children that really should not have. There are many who remain childless not by choice. I have a son and daughter-in-law that would like to have children more than anything but can't....adoption is often a long hard and expensive road.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-13-2013, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,475,201 times
Reputation: 8777
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I know what is meant by "breeders" because I know militant childfree people and have seen many of the boards to which you are referring. It isn't because those people chose to have kids that the label "breeder" has evolved. There is a history to it. The scorn comes as a retaliation towards those who look down on them for not reproducing and their often superior attitudes. They will troll childfree message boards spewing their distain and insults much as someone has done on this thread.

But I don't want to derail this thread with a discussion of semantics. So I am going to leave it at that.
I'm sorry if I offend some in calling them breeders, it's just that I know no way to describe that choice so precisely. It is a legitimate term, and would not offend me if that's how I chose to spend my life.

I happen to think that there are too many of them, the world over and before they make that choice they should think of their responsibility to the world and not their own selfish needs. I think it's a legitimate point of view.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2013, 01:34 PM
 
1,577 posts, read 2,201,059 times
Reputation: 2761
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
I truly believe that there are some that should not be parents - some actually realize this remain childless to their credit - others have children because of the expections of others and the child ends up being the loser...and of course so many have children that really should not have. There are many who remain childless not by choice. I have a son and daughter-in-law that would like to have children more than anything but can't....adoption is often a long hard and expensive road.
My brother and his wife also would have loved to have had children but were unable to and decided not to adopt. My brother's wife went back to school and now works as a therapist for abused children.

As for myself, having my first child when I turned 30 was the greatest joy of my life. Although when they got into their teens, I did have quite a few moments of regret but we survived those years and I can now say that I'm very proud of them as young independent adults. They have enriched my life in so many ways and I've learned so much more about myself because of them.

Last edited by smpliving; 04-13-2013 at 01:51 PM..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2013, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,658,574 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
I truly believe that there are some that should not be parents - some actually realize this remain childless to their credit - others have children because of the expectations of others and the child ends up being the loser...and of course so many have children that really should not have. There are many who remain childless not by choice. I have a son and daughter-in-law that would like to have children more than anything but can't....adoption is often a long hard and expensive road.
That is why people who chose not to have children refer to themselves as childfree as opposed to those who for whatever reason other than choice do not have children are childless. Free means "free" of as in didn't want or didn't choose to have. "Less" refers to lacking something one may have wanted.

There is a huge difference between the two and childfree people respect that difference. A childfree person will not normally call him or herself childless. Of course, many if not most people lump the terms "childfree" and "childless" together and do not understand this.

It can be hurtful to call a childless person childfree because the childless people do not want to be free of children. To call a childfree person childless is just inaccurate and kind of silly because they are really not "less" of anything. You can't be "less" of something you chose not to have in the first place. My house may be lizard-free because there are no lizards in my house. But it's not lizard-less because I don't want lizards in my house. I have a lizard-free rather than a lizard-less house.

In other words, the words "childfree" and "childless" should never be used interchangeably. They have too entirely and very emotional different meanings.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2013, 02:53 PM
Status: "0-0-2 Game On!" (set 3 hours ago)
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,295 posts, read 15,345,231 times
Reputation: 9468
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I know what is meant by "breeders" because I know militant childfree people and have seen many of the boards to which you are referring. It isn't because those people chose to have kids that the label "breeder" has evolved. There is a history to it. The scorn comes as a retaliation towards those who look down on them for not reproducing and their often superior attitudes. They will troll childfree message boards spewing their distain and insults much as someone has done on this thread.
Exactly - it was developed as a derogatory term. I worked with a woman who was the head of the PDX-area childfree group and there was a huge amt of venom directed toward other employees who had children. Eventually she was reprimanded by HR for bringing too much of it in the workplace, during work situations where it had no bearing.

Both sides of the issue have their coterie of out-of-control members, and I don't excuse either side. How someone else chooses to live their life, and why they made the choices they did, is pretty much no one else's business (obviously, within the bounds of the criminal code....) But somehow, there is always someone who sees someone else's choices as an attack on their own choices.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2013, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,216,058 times
Reputation: 6866
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain View Post
I'm sorry if I offend some in calling them breeders, it's just that I know no way to describe that choice so precisely. It is a legitimate term, and would not offend me if that's how I chose to spend my life.

I happen to think that there are too many of them, the world over and before they make that choice they should think of their responsibility to the world and not their own selfish needs. I think it's a legitimate point of view.
This post reminds me of when my then teenage daughter decided to announce at dinner that the family members enjoying a Thanksgiving turkey were "flesh eaters". Everyone laughed and had second helpings. Thankfully, she outgrew her childishness and learned there is an appropriate time and place for the expression of one's views.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2013, 05:17 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,179 posts, read 2,854,709 times
Reputation: 4876
Childfree here - not by choice..... and then when it came to adoption - it was just too expensive.

But I have no regrets.

I believe there was a survey a number of years ago - asking parents if they could do it all over again, would they - and 70% said No.

Unless you grow up with a "parenting responsibility" - i.e. taking care of siblings, etc.... or babysitting, or being from a large family - how can you know how it will affect your life? You can't.

There are no operations manuals.

That said - I still have no regrets because I did come from a large family and have nieces and nephews and took care of my siblings as a kid myself.

I now prefer golden retrievers..... who are 3 year old kids with fur. And alot more fun.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-14-2013, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,955,447 times
Reputation: 6544
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
That is why people who chose not to have children refer to themselves as childfree as opposed to those who for whatever reason other than choice do not have children are childless. Free means "free" of as in didn't want or didn't choose to have. "Less" refers to lacking something one may have wanted.

There is a huge difference between the two and childfree people respect that difference. A childfree person will not normally call him or herself childless. Of course, many if not most people lump the terms "childfree" and "childless" together and do not understand this.

It can be hurtful to call a childless person childfree because the childless people do not want to be free of children. To call a childfree person childless is just inaccurate and kind of silly because they are really not "less" of anything. You can't be "less" of something you chose not to have in the first place. My house may be lizard-free because there are no lizards in my house. But it's not lizard-less because I don't want lizards in my house. I have a lizard-free rather than a lizard-less house.

In other words, the words "childfree" and "childless" should never be used interchangeably. They have too entirely and very emotional different meanings.
I guess I'm just not that overly sensitive about it all----had we chosen to not have children, I would have not cared one whit whether I was referred to as "childless" or "child-free." The result is the same - no children. I have never in my 60+ years ever in social situations heard anyone referred to as "child-free." The distinction between being "child free" or "childless" gives me a lot more personal information about someone than I really want to know.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-14-2013, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Wherever I happen to be at the moment
1,229 posts, read 1,138,052 times
Reputation: 1836
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain View Post
I'm sorry if I offend some in calling them breeders, it's just that I know no way to describe that choice so precisely. It is a legitimate term, and would not offend me if that's how I chose to spend my life.

I happen to think that there are too many of them, the world over and before they make that choice they should think of their responsibility to the world and not their own selfish needs. I think it's a legitimate point of view.

Well, being one, I'm delighted that there don't appear to be overly many people in the world rude, crass and thoughtless enough to refer to parents with such a dismissive and offensive term.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-14-2013, 05:01 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,179 posts, read 2,854,709 times
Reputation: 4876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
I guess I'm just not that overly sensitive about it all----had we chosen to not have children, I would have not cared one whit whether I was referred to as "childless" or "child-free." The result is the same - no children. I have never in my 60+ years ever in social situations heard anyone referred to as "child-free." The distinction between being "child free" or "childless" gives me a lot more personal information about someone than I really want to know.
There are lots of women - who have had difficulty having children - who resent being called childless. I personally hated the term. It is a stigma. Take it a step further and they're called "barren".... and in some parts of society - if you can't have kids - what is your life worth?

I know - pretty stupid.

Childfree is more neutral.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top