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Old 04-14-2013, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,658,574 times
Reputation: 35449

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
There are lots of women - who have had difficulty having children - who resent being called childless. I personally hated the term. It is a stigma. Take it a step further and they're called "barren".... and in some parts of society - if you can't have kids - what is your life worth?

I know - pretty stupid.

Childfree is more neutral.
I have never heard that before. I never thought that childfree was a bad term for anyone who didn't have kids but I have been told so many times that it was hurtful to people who wanted them but couldn't have them.

So I guess you learn something new everyday.

It is true though, that many people in Society devalue women who either can't or don't want to have children.

I wonder if that has anything to do with the regretting part of having children. Maybe it comes in because people have them not because they actually thought about wanting them but simply because they felt they had to. I think my own mother felt this way. She spoke a few times about never wanting kids but felt pressured by her family to marry and have them.
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Old 04-14-2013, 05:30 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,179 posts, read 2,854,709 times
Reputation: 4876
Child-LESS is derogatory.

Childfree is not.

I have no regrets. I never felt I HAD to have kids. I wanted them. And couldn't. And endured 5 surgeries (severe endometriosis) and two failed IVFs. We gave it our best try.

We don't look back - but don't label us as lacking.
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Old 04-14-2013, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,955,447 times
Reputation: 6544
When someone asks if you have children how about "we have no children." No explanation is needed.
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Wherever I happen to be at the moment
1,229 posts, read 1,138,052 times
Reputation: 1836
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
When someone asks if you have children how about "we have no children." No explanation is needed.
And, hopefully, no major regrets either.

Growing up in a relatively small community made up of mostly young, beginning families, there was an older (comparitively), childless couple who live a block away. To all of us youngsters they were Uncle Neil and Aunt Lucille. We all loved them and they loved all of us. They also always had ginger snaps! There are worse thing in life than sharing others' children.
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Old 04-15-2013, 01:20 AM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,554,182 times
Reputation: 20505
"I can't bear children."
Let 'em figure it out.
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Old 04-15-2013, 02:05 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,788 posts, read 19,891,223 times
Reputation: 23207
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
"I can't bear children."
Let 'em figure it out.
I love it!
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Old 04-15-2013, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,955,447 times
Reputation: 6544
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
"I can't bear children."
Let 'em figure it out.

Too much personal information - I would never say that to someone. You don't need to let anyone know that you "can't" have children - none of their business. Say that you have no children - that is sufficient neutral info.
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Old 04-15-2013, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
1,687 posts, read 2,057,134 times
Reputation: 2132
I'll trade one of my kids for a good putter amd the other for a Pez dispenser.
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Old 04-15-2013, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,216,058 times
Reputation: 6866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
<snip> I have never in my 60+ years ever in social situations heard anyone referred to as "child-free." The distinction between being "child free" or "childless" gives me a lot more personal information about someone than I really want to know.

No kidding. There is a term for this: TMI Too Much Information.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
Child-LESS is derogatory.

Childfree is not.

As a feminist, I take issue with both labels. Why would a woman refer to herself as childless or childfree or allow others to do so? If folks ask you if you have any children, you answer "no". To respond with either "I'm childfree" or "I'm childless" suggests that the speaker is the one who is defining herself with an outdated construct of a woman's role.

I have no regrets. I never felt I HAD to have kids. I wanted them. And couldn't. And endured 5 surgeries (severe endometriosis) and two failed IVFs. We gave it our best try.

TMI.
We don't look back - but don't label us as lacking.
See above.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
When someone asks if you have children how about "we have no children." No explanation is needed. Or wanted.
And for God's sake, if I ask if you have children (as I often do on a family law hotline) don't tell me you have x number of "adopted" children. That answer tells me a lot about your character. You are either a parent or you are not. Not only do I not care about how an adoptive child came into being, I don't really care if you chose not to have or were unable to have children. How I respond to the b.s. depends on my mood. Suffice it to say that sometimes the callers are shocked into silence.
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,658,574 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by bright doglover View Post
"I can't bear children."
Let 'em figure it out.
Too those who say that's too much information, I agree but let me tell you it's a good retaliation to those who are persistent and won't let the subject die. I have used this reply as a last resort to shut them up. They become embarrassed and only then realize they have crossed the line.

Although there have been a very few who will later come back with "You can always adopt, you know." There are just some people who won't give up. Maybe it's a case of misery loving company but I have never been able to understand why my reproductive system was of so much interest to them.
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