U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-28-2019, 12:12 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,883,686 times
Reputation: 2770

Advertisements

There is little doubt that people who stayed put, settled down, had kids, ( 2 were required ) bought that suburban ranch and mini van and comuted 2 hours to work for 40 years were jelious of those who were foot loose and fancy free, without children. It was not just the fact single and childless folks had more money left over to spend on themselves, no it was more than that, it was the difference in mindset, stability,honesty, responsibility that seemed to go along with a false labeling that single people were “ in waiting” wishing and hoping for completeness .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-28-2019, 12:19 PM
 
13,312 posts, read 25,542,533 times
Reputation: 20477
Dunno how footloose non-parents are, and I am one aged 65. Everyone needs to make a living, have a secure place to live (if desired, and most of us do desire it).

I know I'm an extreme outlier of sorts, but I simply never wanted to be around children, never mind responsible for them emotionally or financially. I never wanted to rely on a man for life's necessities. I never want anything to do with what I perceived as the life of a parent, especially a mother. Being footloose, well, that's a choice whether or not you have children (although obviously a looser choice could be made without considering children's needs).

Yeah, I probably lost one good man over it but so it had to be. Our first conversation was him saying how he wanted six bio children and me saying that having children ruins women's lives. (He ended up divorced with one good son, me with no ruination from anyone but my own machinations).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 12:24 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,189 posts, read 6,301,958 times
Reputation: 9808
No jealousy here. You forgot that some people got married late, they’re done with playing. As far as money, I say the opposite happened. My children ground me, I saved more money, before that I was a spendthrift. My rationale was I had nobody to save for, let’s spend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Dunno how footloose non-parents are, and I am one aged 65. Everyone needs to make a living, have a secure place to live (if desired, and most of us do desire it).

I know I'm an extreme outlier of sorts, but I simply never wanted to be around children, never mind responsible for them emotionally or financially. I never wanted to rely on a man for life's necessities. I never want anything to do with what I perceived as the life of a parent, especially a mother. Being footloose, well, that's a choice whether or not you have children (although obviously a looser choice could be made without considering children's needs).

Yeah, I probably lost one good man over it but so it had to be. Our first conversation was him saying how he wanted six bio children and me saying that having children ruins women's lives. (He ended up divorced with one good son, me with no ruination from anyone but my own machinations).
One of my colleagues' wife recently had a baby. I have no idea how he handles it. He's probably about my age.

Back in the "good old days," people worked their forty hours or whatever, came home, and that was that. Once you were off, that was family time. My parents never made a ton of money, but once work was over, it was family time growing up.

It's often not that way anymore. I'm salaried exempt. Since around December, virtually everyone on my team, myself included, has been working at least fifty hours a week. That's going to continue into the foreseeable future. We have on-call rotations. I had one night recently where I was paged at 3:00 AM and 6:30 AM for a nothingburger. Pile a newborn on top of that and you're getting virtually no sleep at all. Where I work is not family friendly for someone with small children at all. There's basically no professional level job in my division that does not have on-call, long hours, or significant scheduled hours beyond a regular day shift type job.

A manager of one of my "client departments" called my work phone at 9 AM Saturday morning. She knows good and well I'm not in the office on a Saturday morning. I think the implicit expectation is that my desk phone be forwarded to my cell phone so that I'm available anytime. I'm not that important, and what she needed could wait until the next business day. I already dedicate enough time to work. I can't imagine having several small children with a wife that also worked a salaried exempt, corporate job.

I'm single with no kids. The condo is going on the market. I have a lot more flexibility than a lot of people do in finding something else. If you have a mortgage, spouse, and kids, it's exponentially more difficult to change your life situation. I'm glad I'm not yoked to that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 12:58 PM
 
654 posts, read 308,337 times
Reputation: 1225
I have a friend who says he regrets it now due to the fact his wife wants to spend retirement being grandma . . .and he is ready for some adult hobbies.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,534 posts, read 52,616,956 times
Reputation: 70760
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
No jealousy here. You forgot that some people got married late, they’re done with playing. As far as money, I say the opposite happened. My children ground me, I saved more money, before that I was a spendthrift. My rationale was I had nobody to save for, let’s spend.
Agreed. First kid 35. Second 38. Plenty of money, already done partying or whatever worthless activities I derived less and less joy from as each year went by. Still travel and do all the fun stuff - just take the kids with me and it's like seeing the stuff for the first time again.

To say I have an ounce of envy for any of my single/childfree friends/coworkers is a laugh. However, I don't secretly think they envy me, either. Everyone has their own lifestyle preference.

Last edited by stan4; 01-28-2019 at 01:13 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 01:46 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,179 posts, read 2,851,972 times
Reputation: 4871
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I'm one of seven, six of us still living. It's good having sibs, but I'm closer to some than others. We're spread out over 19 years, though.

Five of us each had one kid, the youngest two had none.
I am one of seven - all still living. Age range is 75 down to 57.

Only three of my siblings had children. Two of us couldn't because of medical issues and the two others did not want children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Virginia
171 posts, read 107,344 times
Reputation: 508
Best thing that ever happened to me was being a parent. Through all the good times and ups and downs I would not have wanted it any other way. They were then and are now a joy to me. And then for a bonus I get grandchildren! I am so thankful I was not a child of some of the people on here who say they regret having children. I can't imagine that a child would not sense when they are not completely wanted. I am sure they have their reasons, but it is a love like no other. And I love seeing my daughter be a parent and how much she loves it. I certainly understand for those that chose not to. That was a choice made and nothing selfish about that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 04:59 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,883,686 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatetodust View Post
I have a friend who says he regrets it now due to the fact his wife wants to spend retirement being grandma . . .and he is ready for some adult hobbies.
This is a common problem that aspires upon retirement. It never works out,a true impass. The most popular being buying a large RV and hitting the rd. Many times it means selling the old brick mortar house as a trade in for a motorhome which can cost 500,000 or more. I sorta went down this rd when I turned 65/and wife 8 years younger. There were no children in my case but there was the same impass as all of a sudden we both had different ideas about the future.....I regret giving in, or better yet staying around, divorice would have been the right thing to do THEN. Now at 78 I feel itís too late to start over .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 05:29 PM
 
25,967 posts, read 32,962,923 times
Reputation: 32145
Old thread, but I'll bite anyway.

Hell no I don't regret it. I had my son later (I had just turned 37), after traveling extensively with my job and "sowing wild oats" more than most, I expect. His father and I split up a long time ago, but I consider my son to to be best thing I ever did. By far. Nothing in this world has given me more laughs, better company, or more joy. I cannot even imagine not having had him, and I would have loved to have had a second child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top