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Old 01-18-2012, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,471,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boompa View Post
How would you feel if your parents had never had children
Personally, I think I would have probably been born to different parents.
Should we all strive to have as many children as we possibly can? No, of course not. Well, what happens to all of those unwanted potential children? Do we have any obligation to them? I think not.
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Old 01-18-2012, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by accufitgolf View Post
My daughter once asked me if my present wife and I ever regretted not having children. I sad no. We had discussed it and it was the way we wanted it.

She said well then did you regret having me? I replied no, not at all

She then pushed with the...yes buts...I saw it coming...no matter what I said I was in trouble with her....and I was...so I said knowing what I know about life now....I would have not had children...especially with your mother....took her sometime to get over my answer...like years...but as she aged....went thru a divorce....became less idealistic....she did get over it.

Bottom line...I should have lied to her....LOL
I don't know. It sometimes hurts to tell your kids the truth, but it might make their own lives more manageable later, which may have been in your case. I think you did the right thing. Maybe she does now, too?
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Old 01-18-2012, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I think people can really love their children and still wish they'd had a chance at life without being parents, and the children don't have to have been a "problem" child.
It's always easy to feel like, something you didn't do would have been really good if you had only done it. This applies to many things, and there are many things all of us didn't do/couldn't do/didn't manage to do in life, and it's easy to assume that, had we done it, it would have been great. It's also incorrect to assume that. That said, I feel that irrational way about a career path not taken in my 20s, easy to assume I'd have been happy with it, even as I look at my former co-workers, most of whom are laid off.
I think one of the worst things that can happen to us is to be haunted by the past, by 'what ifs'. The only way around that is, when confronted with a choice, to be sure that you have considered all options before making your decision. THat means kids who are not just accepted accidents but well planned for.

People go through all sorts of preparation for careers, but for shaping the future generation, for rearing children and budgeting and understanding family dynamics, next to nothing. So we really must do that ourselves.

I would have been happy going through my entire life without being married. Sure, I found men whom I loved, but I was equally sure that every marriage around me was equally blessed with 'love' and they did not appear to be happier than me, and many seemed a bit sad.
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Old 01-19-2012, 03:39 AM
 
13,313 posts, read 25,546,272 times
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[quote=He Also, I agree with my husband, there are already too many people in the world competing for resouces, which could get really ugly the way things are going.[/QUOTE]

While I am sue the above poster honestly means her thought about overpopulation, it's my observation that people who want to have kids (or more than the proper two kids) go ahead and do it no matter what the state of the world is or will be. There can be some interesting rationalizations- I heard "We're raising three conscious citizens of the planet," and the less diplomatic, "People like us should have more kids than all those other people breeding" and so on.
As the line goes in "The Big Chill," "Have you ever gone a week without a good rationalization?"
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Old 01-19-2012, 06:37 AM
 
Location: SW MO
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
While I am sue the above poster honestly means her thought about overpopulation, it's my observation that people who want to have kids (or more than the proper two kids) go ahead and do it no matter what the state of the world is or will be. There can be some interesting rationalizations- I heard "We're raising three conscious citizens of the planet," and the less diplomatic, "People like us should have more kids than all those other people breeding" and so on.
As the line goes in "The Big Chill," "Have you ever gone a week without a good rationalization?"
Rationalization not required. It's a personal choice - nothing more, nothing less.
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Old 01-19-2012, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain View Post
I don't know. It sometimes hurts to tell your kids the truth, but it might make their own lives more manageable later, which may have been in your case. I think you did the right thing. Maybe she does now, too?
The one thing that every human being wants to know is that they are wanted by their mother (and second, by their father whoever he is)....and even if you were "unplanned," not regretted. I would never tell even a problem child otherwise, at any age young or old. Knowing you were wanted, even if the parent-chiid relationship is or was rocky, is the foundation of a secure personality. Even a crappy parent owes it to their kid to say "I wanted you."
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Old 01-21-2012, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,471,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
The one thing that every human being wants to know is that they are wanted by their mother (and second, by their father whoever he is)....and even if you were "unplanned," not regretted. I would never tell even a problem child otherwise, at any age young or old. Knowing you were wanted, even if the parent-chiid relationship is or was rocky, is the foundation of a secure personality. Even a crappy parent owes it to their kid to say "I wanted you."
Perpetuating the lie down through generations is one reason for dysfunctional families. A lousy parent saying 'I love you' 'I wanted you' and their actions being obviously quite different does not send a good message to a child. Somewhere, deep in a kid's psyche, he knows you are lying, which builds hate and resentment.

Maybe the parent even lies to herself, but the kid knows, deep down, that something is wrong. Perhaps that feeling is the start of the child's delinquent behavior.

The only way to solve problems is to face reality, come clean, bite the bullet. Lying is just window dressing, a quick fix, running away from both the problem and a chance at a better life.

I think, in all problems concerning interpersonal and emotional relationships, ultimately, the truth must be faced in order for progress t be made. Some moms are just moral cowards.
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Old 01-21-2012, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Duncan, Oklahoma
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We only had one child. We knew we couldn't afford to have more. I do not regret having her for a moment! She is fantastic!
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Old 01-21-2012, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,651,778 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
The one thing that every human being wants to know is that they are wanted by their mother (and second, by their father whoever he is)....and even if you were "unplanned," not regretted. I would never tell even a problem child otherwise, at any age young or old. Knowing you were wanted, even if the parent-chiid relationship is or was rocky, is the foundation of a secure personality. Even a crappy parent owes it to their kid to say "I wanted you."
Sorry to come in on a thread directed at parents, but I could not resist since this is a subject that deals with something near and dear to me.

My mother told my sisters and me she never wanted kids. In a way, it made it easier for us because it explained her irrational behavior she sometimes showed us. Had she lied and told us we were wanted, I think it would have made things more confusing.

It made me think that it was not specifically me or my sisters per se she didn't want but just kids in general. I remember taking some kind of comfort in that.

I would agree with maybe not telling a child he or she wasn't wanted but I don't agree with lying and saying they were.
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,471,196 times
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Yes. I think honesty is always the best thing. It will often break a relationship, but it can also bring people to a greater understanding and bring them closer together.

It will also make the children, when they grow up, be a lot more thoughtful about having their own and how they will treat them.
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