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Old 01-22-2012, 03:28 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,178 posts, read 2,853,807 times
Reputation: 4876

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagitarrius48 View Post
This is so sad.... but from my vantage point, more than likely is was because of HOW they raised them, if in fact they really did. Being a teacher, I can usually tell what families are dysfunctional and what kids "rule the roost". I am sad to say that so many parents just never taught, disciplined, helped/ encouraged, joked/talked with their kids or gave them "responsibilities" which lead to what I am reading here and have seen in real life. BUT why did they not??? Because it is TOO much trouble and it takes time....time that many do not want to give up; plus it is so much easier to just say YES than NO.

So I am one who is happy that I have these children. AND I know when the time comes, and I will need their help, they will be there.

Pure Baloney. How truly judgemental of you. I am childfree - NOT by choice - and I, too, have had friends tell me they wished they'd never had kids - and their kids do not "rule the roost".

One acquaintance admitted she honestly didn't figure how much money having a child would need - and in the downturn economy - they found themselves over their head in expenses. They love their child - and wanted to protect them - and found themselves unable to do so. If she had to do it all over again - she would not have had her one child.

I live in a state known for large families - with members of a church that believes it's a responsibility to bring children into the world. I am constantly confided in - by women and men both - who wish they had never had kids. I am not surprised.

Last edited by mlb; 01-22-2012 at 04:04 PM..
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Old 01-22-2012, 04:00 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,178 posts, read 2,853,807 times
Reputation: 4876
Again, I'm childfree - but not by choice. Due to certain medical consequences I could not have children. I was from a huge family - so I got my fill of childcare - those younger than I - and my sisters' kids. Yes, at one point in my life I wanted kids..... but that was more because everyone did it - not because it was burning in my heart.

I married late - and thankfully, I married someone who didn't need to have kids. After we tried and lost the infertility battle - we looked at adoption - and it was simply too expensive. We knew that if we adopted - and with my husband's sales jobs.... I'd definitely be working full time and supporting all of us.

With the downturn in the economy - I cannot imagine how we would have survived. My husband works only parttime and only seasonally - he cannot find steady work (sales in electronics). I, however, have always been employed - and we have been saving for retirement for the last 13 years....with 9 more years to go.

It would have been selfish and stupid of us to have kids - and not be able to provide for them.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:14 AM
 
701 posts, read 1,530,994 times
Reputation: 792
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post

My mother told my sisters and me she never wanted kids. In a way, it made it easier for us because it explained her irrational behavior she sometimes showed us. Had she lied and told us we were wanted, I think it would have made things more confusing.

It made me think that it was not specifically me or my sisters per se she didn't want but just kids in general. I remember taking some kind of comfort in that.

I would agree with maybe not telling a child he or she wasn't wanted but I don't agree with lying and saying they were.
Somehow, I found little comfort in my mother telling me she wished she'd never had kids, that she'd had the opportunity to pursue professional goals that she passed up and now she regretted it.

It did help me understand why she showed so little interest in nurturing and caring for me. And it was not just kids in general she didn't want, but us in particular. Yikes!

Of course, now that she is elderly, she has changed her mind on this subject and wants us all the time. Go figure.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:16 AM
 
701 posts, read 1,530,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
It would have been selfish and stupid of us to have kids - and not be able to provide for them.
I agree with you there.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:10 AM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,886,662 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Depending upon life circumstances, having children can be very difficult and painful . . . and yet, for me, if I had not had them, I would have remained extremely immature, perhaps adolescent.

For me, having children forced me to grow in ways I would never had been able to grow without the experiences they gave me . . .

So, for my growth, I think it was a good thing, if not an all-together pleasant experience.
I see it the other way around . In my early years,wanting to move faster ,act older,even wish I was older as I though having kids would gain me more respect,now I know I was wrong. I was too young,both knowledge and money. Ended in divorce after five years. It was tough trying to get ahead, while paying child support,alimony , and missing out my own free years as others who were still in school, etc. I missed all the growing up time, so, i do think I would have had a happier time, not getting married and having one child. So early in life.. As a result, my son and me were never close,now he is fifty, I am 70. Yes, I do think I failed, long ago. Got married twice, no kids(my choice). He never married, had lots of social problems, still does. That makes me sad and regretful , so,yes I would have been better off if I had been more responsible when I was 20,and not had any kids. Now I will never know for sure, that's my only regret.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: California
4,554 posts, read 5,467,791 times
Reputation: 9608
I could never understand why any religious organization has a right to stick their nose in someone's bedroom. Children, or not, should be a private, mature decision between a wife and husband. Growing a religious group off the backs of the members to me is more self-serving that spiritual. We each grow in various ways while we travel our life's path; for some that includes children, others have different talents to contribute to society. No right or wrong but all a part of the life cycle. One hundred years from now, no one will know, or care.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,160 posts, read 6,938,188 times
Reputation: 7437
Bravo, Heidi! Well said.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:51 AM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,886,662 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi60 View Post
I could never understand why any religious organization has a right to stick their nose in someone's bedroom. Children, or not, should be a private, mature decision between a wife and husband. Growing a religious group off the backs of the members to me is more self-serving that spiritual. We each grow in various ways while we travel our life's path; for some that includes children, others have different talents to contribute to society. No right or wrong but all a part of the life cycle. One hundred years from now, no one will know, or care.
There must be safeguards for children who can not speak for them selves because of age limitations.Thats where the Government, at all levels steps in. I think the worst cases were with some of those right wing -think they are Libertarian- misguided or agenda driven people.The Children must be protected, more so than our pets, but not much! people that abuse children and animals should be subject to the same treatment as punishment, and, left to rot in jail !
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:43 AM
 
8,224 posts, read 10,780,911 times
Reputation: 7621
I am not retired but I see men who finally decide to have children at 60 and 68 years of age.
I guess some people do regret not having children at a later age.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:26 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 9,300,737 times
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I was 26 years old and hubby was 29 when we adopted our first child ... what a day that was when they placed that baby in my arms ... we had the baby bundled up real good and got in the car hubby asked you think we need to turn the heat on ... it was summer time!! That first child is a true learning experience.

Fifteen months later I gave birth to a baby girl, I was five months pregnant before the docs figured out what was wrong with me ... because I couldn't have children. Docs said it won't happen again ... we just gave thanks for our second child.

Six years later yes it happened again ... pregnant with our third baby ... as I lay in the delivery room I had visions of me being 52 years old with the doc patting my hand and telling me it won't happen again!

Never ever have we regretted having our children. Parenthood is not for every one and I understand that. We only have one grandchild and it appears he will be our one and only.

Raising children is definitely not a bed of roses and all a parent can do is give it their best.

Oldest daughter was laid off from her job in November ... she has the usual things to be concerned with a house payment and living expenses ... but she will survive.

Middle daughter, son-in-law and grandchild went out to dinner last Saturday night ... left a lamp on ... something shorted out and their home was destroyed by fire. As we watched the firemen fighting the fire daughter looked at me and said all we have is the clothes on our backs! They will survive too.

Parenthood doesn't stop at 18 or 21 ... it's a lifetime commitment and through all the great times ... the good times and the bad times we have never regretted having children.
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