U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 01-23-2012, 03:53 PM
 
701 posts, read 1,530,994 times
Reputation: 792

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
Bravo, Heidi! Well said.
Indeed!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-23-2012, 05:28 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
21,535 posts, read 43,982,964 times
Reputation: 15135
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I am not retired but I see men who finally decide to have children at 60 and 68 years of age.
I guess some people do regret not having children at a later age.
Ha - I don't think so. These men are turning back the clock on getting old. Clearly, these men have young wives. They have young wives because it makes them feel young. Most young women want families. That's why these old men have kids - not because they feel they missed something.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2012, 08:33 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,886,662 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariadne22 View Post
Ha - I don't think so. These men are turning back the clock on getting old. Clearly, these men have young wives. They have young wives because it makes them feel young. Most young women want families. That's why these old men have kids - not because they feel they missed something.
I must agree, besides, at some age you just can not make it happen. I decided long ago not to have any more than the one bad experience. That was the largest consideration when I chose to remarry. Now, I can see I may have chose for the wrong reason. The serious girls I could have e married were all in there twenties, I was in my 30s. Business was at that point in my life more important. I don't regret that part at all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2012, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,473,051 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatRoy1 View Post
Somehow, I found little comfort in my mother telling me she wished she'd never had kids, that she'd had the opportunity to pursue professional goals that she passed up and now she regretted it.

It did help me understand why she showed so little interest in nurturing and caring for me. And it was not just kids in general she didn't want, but us in particular. Yikes!

Of course, now that she is elderly, she has changed her mind on this subject and wants us all the time. Go figure.
Why? That, to me, is very strange.
Were you all delinquent for lack of her mothering?

I am in my late 60's and to this day have enjoyed my childless state.
Have you discussed with her her change of heart?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2012, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,473,051 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
There must be safeguards for children who can not speak for them selves because of age limitations.Thats where the Government, at all levels steps in. I think the worst cases were with some of those right wing -think they are Libertarian- misguided or agenda driven people.The Children must be protected, more so than our pets, but not much! people that abuse children and animals should be subject to the same treatment as punishment, and, left to rot in jail !
Yes. I often think of home schooling and how some states do not check up on such children. I wonder how well or poorly their parents are equipping them for survival in their future lives.

Maybe being a really responsible parent puts you in a place in which your kids don't like you very much, which brings thoughts of regret. Sometimes I really think responsibility trumps love and good feelings.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2012, 06:57 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,886,662 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain View Post
Yes. I often think of home schooling and how some states do not check up on such children. I wonder how well or poorly their parents are equipping them for survival in their future lives.

Maybe being a really responsible parent puts you in a place in which your kids don't like you very much, which brings thoughts of regret. Sometimes I really think responsibility trumps love and good feelings.
The same applies when kids are forced to go to religious schools. Many kids grow up hating their parents for this. No one, and I mean no one should be forced to religious dogma. Most parents finally give in and let the kids attend high school, as they wanted to all along. Such strict rules usually back fire anyway, and the kids grow up hating most all common religions
My way or the highway, has broken up many relationships between parents and their children...... It's sad when the relationships never come together until a parent is on their death bed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2012, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,473,051 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
The same applies when kids are forced to go to religious schools. Many kids grow up hating their parents for this. No one, and I mean no one should be forced to religious dogma. Most parents finally give in and let the kids attend high school, as they wanted to all along. Such strict rules usually back fire anyway, and the kids grow up hating most all common religions
My way or the highway, has broken up many relationships between parents and their children...... It's sad when the relationships never come together until a parent is on their death bed.
Healthy kids go through a period in which they break away from the authority of the home test their own judgment. I think if parents show them only one side of a story, indoctrinate them in one religious or political philosophy, they sometimes can move to the other extreme. So, it's important that you know your own prejudices and factor that in when rearing children, trying to give them a balanced picture of reality.
It is also important to ground them well in science and math and technology, as we are told that these will be important for jobs in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2012, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Dover, DE
1,801 posts, read 3,833,293 times
Reputation: 2495
Actually, having my daughter is probably the ONE thing in my life that I don't regret! She is an only child, by our choice, and is very independent. She has been trying at times, but we made expectations of her which we knew would turn her into a productive and successful adult. She received all the love that we could give, but didn't give in to everything. If she was right I would fight to the end for her, but if she did something wrong then she faced the consequences whatever they were. We taught her the skills to live a real life in the real world.

She is now almost 29, has a very successful career as a software/systems engineer with many responsibilities that she meets head-on (She is involved in the security of our country) and has received many honors and rewards for her work. She gets involved in volunteering and charity fundraising. But the best thing is that she is probably my best friend and isn't afraid to hold my hand when we are walking down the street. I only wish I could see her more often! She lives in NY and we are in SC.

There are times when I really wonder about my marriage, but never ever regret my daughter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2012, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,408 posts, read 16,473,051 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by rothbear View Post
Actually, having my daughter is probably the ONE thing in my life that I don't regret! She is an only child, by our choice, and is very independent. She has been trying at times, but we made expectations of her which we knew would turn her into a productive and successful adult. She received all the love that we could give, but didn't give in to everything. If she was right I would fight to the end for her, but if she did something wrong then she faced the consequences whatever they were. We taught her the skills to live a real life in the real world.

She is now almost 29, has a very successful career as a software/systems engineer with many responsibilities that she meets head-on (She is involved in the security of our country) and has received many honors and rewards for her work. She gets involved in volunteering and charity fundraising. But the best thing is that she is probably my best friend and isn't afraid to hold my hand when we are walking down the street. I only wish I could see her more often! She lives in NY and we are in SC.

There are times when I really wonder about my marriage, but never ever regret my daughter.
You sound as though you got it right. Some people who post on CD(other threads) seem to be all too rough on their children, and I think this stems from remorse at having them or just plain ignorance - but, in my own experience there are people who over indulge their children terribly. The kids can do no wrong. There was one child who cursed at the teacher during class. The kid was held after school and the parent called. The mom went to school and started yelling at the teacher. I could not believe my ears!

Congratulations on striking that fine balance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Dover, DE
1,801 posts, read 3,833,293 times
Reputation: 2495
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain View Post
Congratulations on striking that fine balance.
Thank you........we tried. I have seen kids in stores speak to their mothers in a tone that disgusts me. And yes I have seen the other where their kids can do no wrong. I don't believe in either.

Reminds me of the time she called me to tell me she had gotten a ticket for parking in a no parking zone when she was in high school. She had taken a classmate home and his mother told her that it was OK to park there. Daughter wanted me to go down to the courthouse and plead her case. I asked her "Did you park in the no parking zone?"..answer yes, but Mrs. so and so said it was OK. Well, Mrs. so and so doesn't make the rules and if you broke them, then pay the ticket out of your own money. End of discussion. Yet I went toe to toe with 3 teachers when she was in grade school and they tried to tell me she didn't deserve to be in the advanced math and science classes. Yeah, did I mention that she now has a BS in software engineering from Rochester Inst. of Tech, and a MEng in systems engineering from Cornell University and currently leads 2 high level, high security projects for the DOD???? Mama Bear, when necessary!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top