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I had three kids in four years and nine months and sort of felt that they might have gotten shortchanged having my time, attention and resources divided three ways. I have wondered if it's better to have just one and pour everything into that one kid. I do think my kids appreciate having siblings though. I have a granddaughter who is an only child and she demands adult attention at all times.
I'm one of seven, six of us still living. It's good having sibs, but I'm closer to some than others. We're spread out over 19 years, though.
Five of us each had one kid, the youngest two had none.
When I was a younger man, say high school and college, the thought of kids never crossed my mind. I spent 18-21 with a woman nearly seventeen years my senior. My girlfriend after that had issues where she couldn't have kids. Another off and on girlfriend couldn't have them. I had another older girlfriend for a year.
When I think about it, very few of the women I've been with long-term have been able to have kids, either they were past the age of having them or had medical issues that prevented it.
On a personal basis, it's difficult for young people to get a start in this day and age. I graduated from college in 2010. At that time, virtually no one was hiring. It took four years to get my first career-track, "adult job" that would have been capable of supporting a family. I was doing worse at 28 than either of my grandfather's did without a college education when they were in their early 20s. At 32, I'm about where I thought I would be at 26-28 had someone asked my 20 year old self - "where do you see yourself in five to ten years?"
Many of my friends and peers, male and female, who have kids have had a lot of trouble coming from that. One of my best friends in high school got married when he was 21 to a girl who was then 17. About eight years and three kids later, he decides to sleep around with some 18-19 year old he was working with, and got fired. Their marriage busted up, and because the wife had no income, he's been crushed with alimony and child support. He married some younger girl last year, and now they're expecting...another kid. I know several guys really getting raked over the coals in alimony and child support. I know quite a few women that don't have the job skills to adequately support themselves and their children.
I have a couple of friends who have special needs children. I can't even imagine having to deal with that. When I was 11, one of my classmates was riding his bicycle when a car backing out a driveway hit him. The guy has been profoundly disabled for over twenty years now. His parents are now pushing 70, have sick elderly parents themselves, and are trying to juggle all these needs with their own health and son's caregiving.
If issues arise where I cannot stay in my current house, I will move down to town, near the hospital and other care. There are taxis, buses and senior transport. I'd consider assisted living if need be (and could afford it). A minimum of people end their lives in nursing homes, Medicaid or otherwise. It all depends on what kind of assistance is needed.
If dementia, then all bets are off. I personally know what I'd do in that case. I'd find it unacceptable.
If issues arise where I cannot stay in my current house, I will move down to town, near the hospital and other care. There are taxis, buses and senior transport. I'd consider assisted living if need be (and could afford it). A minimum of people end their lives in nursing homes, Medicaid or otherwise. It all depends on what kind of assistance is needed. If dementia, then all bets are off. I personally know what I'd do in that case. I'd find it unacceptable.
I agree. The problem is that when your frame of reference is crumbling, how to make the decision to end things? I mean, at that point do you even trust your ability to decide? Or trust someone else to make the call?
We all have a shelf life , more than not someone else will decide when that is........
Have a raft built with a comfortable chair,lots of fire wood, a case of beer or wine, good rum works too , then when it’s decided you have lived long enough , light a fire and just have them push you off the shore , as the sun sets in the West......
I agree. The problem is that when your frame of reference is crumbling, how to make the decision to end things? I mean, at that point do you even trust your ability to decide? Or trust someone else to make the call?
Okay, this is in response to the other thread, about being childless as a senior.
I responded to that thread, but on reflection, I felt I was horning in, since I do have a child and don't regret it.
So, I am starting this thread.
Are you happy that you had children, or do you regret that you did? Why?
When I was in the thick of the terrible teenaged years, I sometimes regretted it, amidst the tears, fears and anguish. But even then I loved him. Yes, we spent a lot of money on him (teeth, unfinished college, shrinks.) And missed out on many adventures, although we managed to do some great travel once he started growing up.
I feel like the love that a parent feels for a child is very special and irreplaceable (pets notwithstanding !)
I also think that being a parent is one of life's great adventures, and makes you grow in fundamental ways.
He's going his own way now, and I applaud that, but we fortunately continue to be close in many ways, and I hope that my husband and I will continue to have a mutually loving relationship with our son until we're both gone.
I DO NOT hope that I become a burden to him, nor do I expect him to take care of me. Nor do I expect him to produce grandchildren.
DISCLAIMER: this is in no way intended to belittle all the folks that chose not be parents. Life is full of adventures, and parenting is just one of them.
1st kid, no regrets. Second one, difficult from the day he was born and it has never gotten better. He makes bad decisions and causes constant problems for himself and is mired in his self-inflicted misery. We sought help from child psychologists and other professionals while he was growing up and it did not do any good. He has caused us untold stress and mental anguish over the years and it pains me to admit it, but if we had to do it over again we would definitely not have had him.
I am 37 and i have 4 kids, oldest is 10 youngest is 4. I have a decent job that pays me 85K in a low COL area. Salary that is good enough to feed 6 of us.
I don't regret having kids. My kids are my main motivation to work harder and earn my senior executive title. Should I stay child-free, I don't think I will be working harder. I am probably be stuck in my home country, contented being a junior executive earning $10K a year (it is a decent salary in my home country).
I am way better off with the decision I made. Now my goal is to raise 4 loving but productive human being.
When I was a younger man, say high school and college, the thought of kids never crossed my mind. I spent 18-21 with a woman nearly seventeen years my senior. My girlfriend after that had issues where she couldn't have kids. Another off and on girlfriend couldn't have them. I had another older girlfriend for a year.
When I think about it, very few of the women I've been with long-term have been able to have kids, either they were past the age of having them or had medical issues that prevented it.
On a personal basis, it's difficult for young people to get a start in this day and age. I graduated from college in 2010. At that time, virtually no one was hiring. It took four years to get my first career-track, "adult job" that would have been capable of supporting a family. I was doing worse at 28 than either of my grandfather's did without a college education when they were in their early 20s. At 32, I'm about where I thought I would be at 26-28 had someone asked my 20 year old self - "where do you see yourself in five to ten years?"
Many of my friends and peers, male and female, who have kids have had a lot of trouble coming from that. One of my best friends in high school got married when he was 21 to a girl who was then 17. About eight years and three kids later, he decides to sleep around with some 18-19 year old he was working with, and got fired. Their marriage busted up, and because the wife had no income, he's been crushed with alimony and child support. He married some younger girl last year, and now they're expecting...another kid. I know several guys really getting raked over the coals in alimony and child support. I know quite a few women that don't have the job skills to adequately support themselves and their children.
I have a couple of friends who have special needs children. I can't even imagine having to deal with that. When I was 11, one of my classmates was riding his bicycle when a car backing out a driveway hit him. The guy has been profoundly disabled for over twenty years now. His parents are now pushing 70, have sick elderly parents themselves, and are trying to juggle all these needs with their own health and son's caregiving.
It's vastly different comparing parenting to caregiving, where the toll can be tremendous.
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