U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-23-2012, 02:39 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,479,691 times
Reputation: 29071

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Well, for a kid to be dysfunctional the behavior doesn't necessarily have to be "bad." They can be respectful and still have serious chronic problems like un/underemployment, bad health, or young kids in trouble, or whatever. If one's adult kid is respectful, it's even harder to ignore his/her plight and just walk away, from what I've seen.
Perhaps I should have defined "behavior towards you." That would be disrespect, disregard, defiance, disloyalty, theft, belittlement, etc. Unloving behavior does not merit reward or continued interaction.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-24-2012, 04:11 AM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,889,691 times
Reputation: 2770
Time heals all wounds, lots of truth in that old saying. What I think happens actually is the time part always wins. Your dysfunctional family starts to die off. For me, I now am almost the last one standing , but I do think from time to time about how different they all were., or that it was me that was "different" , by moving away and doing my own thing.many years ago.
I have but only two left, a strange double cousin , and a son I never got to know, being separated by divorce and distance long ago. So, all the drama, and whatever is gon, because the family has passed on. Any battles are now dust and ashes, when you are dead, you or they are really dead, end of story.
Actually, Facebook and just email has kept any contact with them at arms length , which is about right, we now do have some contact for the first time in several years. I guess that's about right for all three of us. No fighting, no drama , no resentment or jealously left . Most all has been buried forever when I layed my mothers ashes in the ground, along side my dad's grave , almost four years ago now.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-02-2013, 01:40 PM
 
355 posts, read 1,092,597 times
Reputation: 271
I have a VERY large family on both my mom and dad's side, and yes, both are dysfunctional, but not as dysfunctional as I have seen some other families. Here is the thing; large families tend to behave like crabs in the barrel. They become resentful and pissed off at the family members who pursue education/have a college degree, etc. They even get pissed off if you choose to move into a better neighborhood than where the majority of the family lives. It has nothing to do with you, but rather it has to do with jealousy, crab in the barrel mentality and envy.

Once you get a degree, all of a sudden, you become the outcast; not getting invited to family events, nitpicking over every little thing. You give and give and give, and they take and take and take. Learn how to wash your hands to the ones who are not appreciative. Focus your attention on helping the YOUNGER people in the family...such as trying to help your nieces and nephews get into college or sending them a care package, etc. Forget the older, bitter, losers of your family, because they are dysfunctional for a reason; because, they want to be!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-02-2013, 02:52 PM
 
4,343 posts, read 6,056,653 times
Reputation: 10428
Have you ever tried to answer a post five different ways and just can't get the words right?

Bottom line, we're all dysfunctional. Our parents didn't know about building self-esteem. I was bullied by a mother that would qualify what came out of her mouth as her fists flew at me, "See what you're making me do/say? It's your fault!" So push forward 50-60 years and you have five grown kids with no respect or regard for each other. I once heard it said, "Wish them great health, great wealth, and great distance." Anything less than this will boomerang back on yourself in health (mental and physical) issues. I hope they all win the lottery tomorrow! The happier and more fulfilled their lives are the better off I'll be.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-02-2013, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,391,767 times
Reputation: 16283
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajae90 View Post
I have a VERY large family on both my mom and dad's side, and yes, both are dysfunctional, but not as dysfunctional as I have seen some other families. Here is the thing; large families tend to behave like crabs in the barrel. They become resentful and pissed off at the family members who pursue education/have a college degree, etc. They even get pissed off if you choose to move into a better neighborhood than where the majority of the family lives. It has nothing to do with you, but rather it has to do with jealousy, crab in the barrel mentality and envy.

Once you get a degree, all of a sudden, you become the outcast; not getting invited to family events, nitpicking over every little thing. You give and give and give, and they take and take and take. Learn how to wash your hands to the ones who are not appreciative. Focus your attention on helping the YOUNGER people in the family...such as trying to help your nieces and nephews get into college or sending them a care package, etc. Forget the older, bitter, losers of your family, because they are dysfunctional for a reason; because, they want to be!
This is so true. Make better life decisions resulting in greater success and they will make it a full time job to disparage you at every opportunity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2013, 08:21 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,479,691 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipoetry View Post
Have you ever tried to answer a post five different ways and just can't get the words right?

Bottom line, we're all dysfunctional. Our parents didn't know about building self-esteem. I was bullied by a mother that would qualify what came out of her mouth as her fists flew at me, "See what you're making me do/say? It's your fault!" So push forward 50-60 years and you have five grown kids with no respect or regard for each other. I once heard it said, "Wish them great health, great wealth, and great distance." Anything less than this will boomerang back on yourself in health (mental and physical) issues. I hope they all win the lottery tomorrow! The happier and more fulfilled their lives are the better off I'll be.
I particularly like the bolded part. We moved 2,000 miles away from most of our grown children. Best decision we ever made. Just this Sunday one of the my wife's daughters (age 36) emailed us that she needed money by tomorrow or she and her boyfriend would be homeless. Well, I hope they at least have a tent. My wife told her that an urgent need on her part did not constitute an emergency on ours. We live in the country so getting things done takes time. Haven't heard a word since! Haven't sent any $$$ either. Don't intend to. Have done so before with no good or lasting results which may be why we've turned down all "needs" and requests since.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-08-2013, 06:44 PM
 
624 posts, read 1,076,967 times
Reputation: 616
" I am not a bank"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-08-2013, 06:51 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,479,691 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by slowbill View Post
" I am not a bank"
Yup! The Bank of Mom and Dad went out of business some years ago.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-08-2013, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,735,102 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Yup! The Bank of Mom and Dad went out of business some years ago.
Wish I could convince my sister and her husband to adopt the same point of view, but it's none of my business and I bite my tongue on the subject, which is at least consistent with my shyness, reticence, and reluctance to speak out here on City-Data.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-08-2013, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,973,893 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Wish I could convince my sister and her husband to adopt the same point of view, but it's none of my business and I bite my tongue on the subject, which is at least consistent with my shyness, reticence, and reluctance to speak out here on City-Data.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top