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Old 08-10-2011, 06:12 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,497,588 times
Reputation: 29076

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Nice dodge. Now continue to ignore what you don't want to hear. That's really helpful.
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Old 08-10-2011, 09:43 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,862,561 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Nice dodge. Now continue to ignore what you don't want to hear. That's really helpful.
Not sure what your problem is but please see my OP and if you have something to contribute, by all means do, but this thread is not just an opportunity to take swipes at me.

I have said repeatedly that I was looking for other people's experiences, NOT speculation about my situation or advice. Thank you.
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Old 08-10-2011, 07:58 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,497,588 times
Reputation: 29076
If that's the way you conceived the thread, to be all taking and no giving, then my mistake. Pardon!
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Old 08-10-2011, 08:09 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,862,561 times
Reputation: 8956
I have no idea what you are referring to . . . there are seven pages of people talking . . . if you have another idea for a thread, please create it!
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Old 08-11-2011, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I have no idea what you are referring to . . . there are seven pages of people talking . . . if you have another idea for a thread, please create it!
I'm being impartial here; I just want to point out that even though perhaps you didn't specifically ask for help, the whole lament and tone of your original post sounded like that. The responses you are getting from Curmudgeon or others do indeed explain how they dealt with a similar problem, and if posters throw in a word or two of well meaning advice, it is, again, because of the way you set up your question. Also, posters are perhaps starting to feel that despite the time they taking in posting here, you are rather defensive. Not a criticism, just something to think about.
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Old 08-11-2011, 04:29 PM
 
Location: California
4,556 posts, read 5,474,724 times
Reputation: 9621
In my exerience, you can't live someone else's pain.

I do not allow others to frame our relationship based money as sometimes I have it, and sometimes I don't. Your relatives, and mine, are part of the human family and greed runs through them all. If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
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Old 08-11-2011, 07:02 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,862,561 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi60 View Post
In my exerience, you can't live someone else's pain.

I do not allow others to frame our relationship based money as sometimes I have it, and sometimes I don't. Your relatives, and mine, are part of the human family and greed runs through them all. If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
Very true and a good reminder. Thank you.
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Old 08-11-2011, 07:05 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,862,561 times
Reputation: 8956
Most of the responses have been very helpful. I love hearing about how other people think of these issues and ways they have found to respond or cope, or whatever . . .

I have taken in all I have read and it has helped me in my situation. You can't ask for more than that!
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Old 08-12-2011, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,621 posts, read 9,689,321 times
Reputation: 10990
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Most of the responses have been very helpful. I love hearing about how other people think of these issues and ways they have found to respond or cope, or whatever . . .

I have taken in all I have read and it has helped me in my situation. You can't ask for more than that!
I've followed this thread from post #1 and kept thinking I wanted to respond but haven't had time.

I have several "dysfunctional" family members and I keep wondering how the heck they got that way! My siblings and myself were brought up under the same roof, with the same teachings and family values and yet they somehow ended up being "different" from me!

My sister I avoid at all costs. She simply cannot live without a LOT of drama in her life, she makes horrible decisions, picks men who are alcoholics/disabled/unemployed and complains constantly about them and her life. She complains about her kids, her grandkids and everyone she knows. She has, pretty much, been this way all her life though. My mom bought her a pretty nice mobile home so she'd have a place to live AND to make sure she stays several states away. That's awful, but it's true. She isn't allowed to have my phone number because she would be calling every.single.day and I'd end up telling her exactly what I think. So, it's better that way. She does talk to Mom several times a week so I do know her latest drama/laments. My mom has a LOT more patience with her than I do!

I have three brothers as well. One is in prison for life, one is doing very well and one who hates both of the other ones. Why? I have NO idea. I have very little contact with any of them either. I write to my brother in prison, see the one brother now and then when he comes to see Mom...and his son and daugh-in-law who live with Mom. The other one I see mostly at the store where I work, along with his two sons and families. When we DO get together though it's like we were just together last week and we get along really well...he just refuses to come to Mom's house and I live here too. Not WITH Mom but in her guest house. Actually, I DO understand why bro #2 feels the way he does about bro #3 because I have 'some' of the same feelings and that probably won't change.

We NEVER ever have family get togethers anymore because my two brothers just cannot be around each other. It makes me reallllly sad because I am a huge "family" person. I think I thought that my own family unit would be the same as it was when my grandparents were alive and ALL of their kids, grkids, etc. came to their house for every holiday and very little reason in between. I used to be the one that planned and executed family reunions but slowly stopped over the years because nobody seemed to care anymore. I find it very sad that we all live in the same town and just never see one another. However, I have accepted it and just live my OWN life and let them live theirs.
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Old 08-12-2011, 12:26 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,862,561 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
I've followed this thread from post #1 and kept thinking I wanted to respond but haven't had time.

I have several "dysfunctional" family members and I keep wondering how the heck they got that way! My siblings and myself were brought up under the same roof, with the same teachings and family values and yet they somehow ended up being "different" from me!

My sister I avoid at all costs. She simply cannot live without a LOT of drama in her life, she makes horrible decisions, picks men who are alcoholics/disabled/unemployed and complains constantly about them and her life. She complains about her kids, her grandkids and everyone she knows. She has, pretty much, been this way all her life though. My mom bought her a pretty nice mobile home so she'd have a place to live AND to make sure she stays several states away. That's awful, but it's true. She isn't allowed to have my phone number because she would be calling every.single.day and I'd end up telling her exactly what I think. So, it's better that way. She does talk to Mom several times a week so I do know her latest drama/laments. My mom has a LOT more patience with her than I do!

I have three brothers as well. One is in prison for life, one is doing very well and one who hates both of the other ones. Why? I have NO idea. I have very little contact with any of them either. I write to my brother in prison, see the one brother now and then when he comes to see Mom...and his son and daugh-in-law who live with Mom. The other one I see mostly at the store where I work, along with his two sons and families. When we DO get together though it's like we were just together last week and we get along really well...he just refuses to come to Mom's house and I live here too. Not WITH Mom but in her guest house. Actually, I DO understand why bro #2 feels the way he does about bro #3 because I have 'some' of the same feelings and that probably won't change.

We NEVER ever have family get togethers anymore because my two brothers just cannot be around each other. It makes me reallllly sad because I am a huge "family" person. I think I thought that my own family unit would be the same as it was when my grandparents were alive and ALL of their kids, grkids, etc. came to their house for every holiday and very little reason in between. I used to be the one that planned and executed family reunions but slowly stopped over the years because nobody seemed to care anymore. I find it very sad that we all live in the same town and just never see one another. However, I have accepted it and just live my OWN life and let them live theirs.
Sounds like you are a real survivor.

I think the hardest thing for me is having the value that "family is important," and of course not being able to "make" it functional . . . it's sad . . .

It is interesting how so many different personality types with different values can come out of the same household. It makes me think it is all about individual paths . . .and for some reason, like-minded people seem to incarnate together in some instances and not others . . . or however you see it, per your religious or philosophical viewpoints . . .

I am just learning at my late age that there is only so much one person can do.
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