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Old 08-04-2011, 05:52 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,740,059 times
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We are starting to think about life in a different environment when we retire as neither one of us can take these Texas summers anymore. I have friends and family in Colorado and as a native have always wanted to return. We would do so tomorrow if we could except that our only daughter, late 20s, currently lives four miles away from us in a home she just bought. We have no other real strong ties here anymore, but the thought of leaving a child behind bothers me. We are close - more like good friends - but only see each other every 3-4 weeks currently. Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of situation?
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Old 08-04-2011, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
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She probably already has left YOU. But you haven't realized it. Late 20s... full time work, friends, weekends out, decorating a new house, and you thought You were her life. I moved from IL to AZ with my daughter about 10 years ago. No husband, no friends here, just her. We were very good friends, and I stayed around because of that. I wasn't crazy about my place of retirement, but I had a job, a house, some actvities, so I stayed. Then bingo ! She met someone and got married. I now feel free and am cleaning out my house in preparation for selling so I can move out of this state. I retired 3 months ago and already feel like I want a new environment. I want to experience all that I can , while I still can. I can leave her behind now because she has someone else. Her husband. Your daughter is probably in search of a someone too. I say time to move on in your life.
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Old 08-05-2011, 04:30 AM
 
Location: SW MO
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I second what Barb said. I have three daughters in California. There were moans and groans when we announced my retirement and intent to move 2,000 miles away to the Ozarks - that and some measure of disbelief. I also left behind three grandchildren and their mother, my oldest daughter, likely still harbors a grudge. However, we saw them only periodically and certainly not enough to make a huge difference in their lives.

Having been raised in the military and spending significant time in it myself, extended family was not a real presence in my life and I accepted and was used to that. But the overriding factor was that I was not going to let others keep us from following our retirement dreams or dictate where we finished out our days. Amazingly enough, they've all survived just fine without us right there.

Communications are made easy in this day-and-age and those, as well as all forms of transportation work in both directions the last time I checked. Geographical distance no longer has to equate to a high degree of separation. Follow your dream! You'll be sorry and resentful if you don't.
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Old 08-05-2011, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,017,552 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orngkat View Post
We are starting to think about life in a different environment when we retire as neither one of us can take these Texas summers anymore. I have friends and family in Colorado and as a native have always wanted to return. We would do so tomorrow if we could except that our only daughter, late 20s, currently lives four miles away from us in a home she just bought. We have no other real strong ties here anymore, but the thought of leaving a child behind bothers me. We are close - more like good friends - but only see each other every 3-4 weeks currently. Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of situation?
First let me say that the reports I am reading about this unrelentless summer heat and drought in Texas are distressing. I'm so glad my daughter is no longer there. So in a way, you are moving for health and safety reasons in older age.

Your daughter is young and can travel, even if you have to help pay for her airfare to visit you. If she ever moved away from where you are now, you would expect her to come back for visits, wouldn't you?

We cannot remain tethered to our grown kids, just as they cannot remain tethered to us. Take one step at a time, probably the first is to sell your home and then see what it feels like in CO for several months before buying again, don't commit yourself immediately. We have to live for ourselves, now, and our kids will have to make their own way the same way we did.
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Mtns of Waynesville,NC & Nokomis, FL
4,248 posts, read 8,105,965 times
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Everyone will have their own 'connections' and needs, toward kids and grandchildren...we pulled up the tent stakes and moved from NY to western NC, a decade ago. Our kids, in NJ, were dismayed, but they understood.

Yes, we miss seeing them 8-10 times per year like we used, vs the 4-5 times/yr now, but for us it has worked out and become ok... it may not be ok for everyone. Really a personal decision, and at least worth trying if one has the urge/need to relocate away from the Fam, imo.
GL, mD
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:37 AM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,740,059 times
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Great to hear other's thoughts. Our daughter is extremely independent, has her own established life/friends and actually just bought a house with her boyfriend. I have no delusions that she "needs" me; just a nagging feeling of moving so far away from her. Guilt? I have to say we would have moved in our 20s but have stayed here all these years because my husband's parents were so demanding and still are...expecting that we be here for them. I just see time slipping away and don't want to grow old here.
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:58 AM
 
Location: WA
5,399 posts, read 21,431,388 times
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We left the heat in Texas and the kids stayed... they have established life there and with their own careers, families, and aspirations, the extended family was not as strong as some. Although we miss the grandchildren we travel to see them or have them come here so visits are more of a special event. Overall it has been good for us and them.
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