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Old 09-14-2012, 04:39 PM
 
4,349 posts, read 6,068,307 times
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Funeral Planning - Pitfalls? Suggestions? Experiences?

T
his is why the retirementthread is the last place I come to on city-data.We all know the eventual outcome... the end... How does this subject enhance retirement?
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,765,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ipoetry View Post
Funeral Planning - Pitfalls? Suggestions? Experiences?

This is why the retirementthread is the last place I come to on city-data.We all know the eventual outcome... the end... How does this subject enhance retirement?
If the people who frequent the Retirement Forum were not interested in this topic, it never would have drawn 91 posts before yours. When I see a thread title that I know I am not interested in, then I don't even bother to read the original post in that thread. That's why threads have titles, hopefully descriptive ones so we can know the subject matter of the thread. What is the point of your posting to let us know you are not interested in/do not care for this topic? We don't care.
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Florida -
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Having conducted a wide range of funerals, I like the "throw a party and celebrate the life" approach, but, am equally comfortable with whatever else brings closure to the family. Many high-priced funerals are probably based on emotional uncertainty and even guilt (which of course, the funeral industry counts on ... "Do you want this really nice casket or this really cheap one?"

Relative to cost, something many families don't know is that one can 'borrow' a very expensive, 'ceremonial casket' with all the bells and whistles, at a tiny fraction of the purchase cost. After the grave site service (when folks have left), the ceremonial casket is exchanged for a very basic, inexpensive casket. My wife and I are leaning towards cremation and since she wants to be buried with her parents (and wants me there too), we'll pre-arrange that in the near future. (As others have said, 'somebody has to do something with the body'.)

A larger issue than the uncertainty of the funeral (which should perhaps be covered on another thread) ... is the uncertainty of the "pre-funeral" last days of the dying. Wow, talk about emotion-laden, guilt-ridden decisions to install feeding tubes or other gadgets that only keep a terminal patient/body warm for an extended period of time .....because, "nobody was really certain what gramps would have wanted." The emotional, physical and financial cost of failing to clearly spell-out directives (beyond a simple 'living will' or 'DNR') ... make the cost of the most elaborate funeral pale in comparison.
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Old 09-14-2012, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
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My husband just attended a "pre-funeral", or pre-death "wake", for a colleague who's been diagnosed with a brain tumour who has 3 months to live. Nice gestu\ure, I guess, but the poor guy apparently was almost "not there", and so testimonials to how great he was were probably lost on him. Pretty uncomforable, I would say. Not something I would choose.
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Old 09-14-2012, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
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Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I'd like to be driven there in an unfinished pine box....
Simplicity. Dwight D. Eisenhower chose to be buried in a plain, army-issue pine box. I have visited his gravesite in Abilene, Kansas. It is within a smallish, chapel-like building which is tastefully appointed, not at all ostentatious. His wife is buried beside him, and at their feet their first son who died at the age of three. The gravesite is within a hundred yards or so of the Eisenhower family home where he grew up; that home still sits at its original location and contains the original furnishings. His mother lived there until her death in 1946, I believe it was.
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Old 09-14-2012, 07:54 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,685 posts, read 40,050,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wwanderer View Post
...Pretty uncomforable, I would say. Not something I would choose.
Good feedback, Thanks, I have never heard of a 'pre-funeral'. I will be sure to NOT check that BOX.

I would consider that worse than telling the world you are gonna retire.

I WOULD like to hear more from those who have benefited from certain gestures / planning services. I like to pass those ideas along, as it seems everyone eventually dies. I get lots of inquiries about it.

As mentioned in earlier post. I took my deceased father for a 2000+ mile road trip to 'plant' him. We had a great trip together (tho much of our life was VERY troubled... since I was his caregiver for 30+ yrs and he hated every minute of that.)
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
16,133 posts, read 20,846,672 times
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Being a Veteran gets you a plot and a flag, not a funeral. Many years ago I purchased a plan fom Dignity Memorial and a Headstone forr my mother in Pennsylvania. When she died, almost penniless, he wass living in Florida and with Christmas and the condition of her body circumstances made me bury her in Florida. To my absolute shock Dignity Memorial swapped my mothers plot for a beautiful one in Florida, and shipped the stone at their expense. They did a really nice service and I really can't praise the job they do enough. It saved me thousands and was better than the plans I had originally made.
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Old 09-15-2012, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 10,753,055 times
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I may have posted this before but I am to lazy to look.

My wife and I have donated our bodies to a university school of medicine. Upon death they pickup the body and place their name on a memorial wall and have a yearly memorial service for all that have done so.

We also discussed the survivor having a memorial service/party a week later. Time to notify all and people and for them to make plans to attend. The bar will be open.

This is how we intend on closing out and all our friends/family know of our plan.
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Old 09-16-2012, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,411 posts, read 5,938,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
I know that I'm not being helpful, but I really don't care what happens when I die. I'll be dead! What do I know? Everything that happens is for the benefit of the family and friends. Accommodate them in any way necessary.

When my husband died, a few people helped with food, others with the service, some with transportation, some with catering...

It really doesn't matter whether or not things go well, they just go and then ...they're over
I feel the same way. Previously, I was a complete control freak about it and had it all written out, complete with songs, pallbearers, etc. Things have changed. My mother died and I just went through her funeral. I have no siblings, and a child who wouldn't be capable of arranging a funeral. I'm funeral-ed out, and don't care about it anymore. As far as I'm concerned, one of my cousins can just send me to the crematorium and I could care less what happens to the ashes.
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:44 AM
 
Location: Duncan, Oklahoma
2,601 posts, read 1,232,992 times
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My father died just last week. Many years ago, he and our entire family arranged to have our bodies donated to the Oklahoma University Body Donor Program to be used for medical research. About an hour after Dad's death, his body was picked up for transport to Norman. My dad suffered from a variety of ailments, but his dementia was really pronounced. Perhaps researchers can use his body to further study dementia and to help develop treatments for this sad condition.

Like others, I advise having arrangements made in advance. Dad and Mom (still living and in pretty good health) had all financial, insurance, trust, VA, etc. arrangements in place. All paperwork was in one place, and we had no trouble finding what we needed to take care of things. Mom and and I made all the calls in less than two hours the next day, and now we are just waiting on death certificates and forms to fill out and return to finish things up. It certainly has been a relief to us that these things were already done. While we are saddened that Dad is gone, his pre-planning helped us a great deal. Thanks, Dad! (and Mom)
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