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Old 08-17-2011, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,732,288 times
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There's no doubt some funeral directors are skilled at applying subtle pressure on people when they are emotionally vulnerable. Fortunately, I am very clear-headed and also hard-headed. But my sister and I were fortunate in having a wonderful funeral director who applied no pressure. Let me give examples from two areas of choice, with suggestions for resisting the pressure if there is any.

1. Casket selection Our director explained that he was not going to accompany us into the casket room so we could discuss our choice at leisure - all we had to do was write down the stock number of the casket. He told us to take our time. There were a large number of choices - I would say over 20. Suggestion: If the funeral director does accompany you during the casket selection, ask him to leave you alone for a while so that you can discuss the matter among yourselves.

2. Limousines or not? My sister seemed surprised that I thought we didn't need limousines because it was just so traditional and she had assumed that we would have them. I pointed out that one reason for having them is that close family members might be too distraught to drive safely, and that I was perfectly capable of driving safely. The funeral director was present during that discussion. My sister said O.K., let's do without limousines and the director made no effort to push our choice the other way. Suggestion: Discuss the limousine question among those who will be making the arrangements before you go in to make them.
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Old 08-29-2011, 01:26 AM
 
24 posts, read 32,453 times
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We all know how important it is to plan for the future, whether it's for our child's college tuition, or to prepare for a rainy day. So many of us overlook a very important part of our lives...it's conclusion. Funerals are an important part of our lives and we can not only learn about the people who's Funeral's we attend, but also about ourselves.

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Last edited by MissingAll4Seasons; 08-29-2011 at 08:04 PM.. Reason: Advertising links violate TOS
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Old 08-29-2011, 08:49 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,475,774 times
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With experience from the deaths of both of my parents, both of my wife's and a number of other in-laws and out-laws, I can't stress enough the value of pre-planning. It takes the onus off those you leave behind and that can be very comforting for them.
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:59 AM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 10,734,134 times
Reputation: 3716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
With experience from the deaths of both of my parents, both of my wife's and a number of other in-laws and out-laws, I can't stress enough the value of pre-planning. It takes the onus off those you leave behind and that can be very comforting for them.
My wife and I have donated our bodies to a local medical univertsity. Upon ones death, the university will pickup the body and 3 days later, there will be a non-denominational service followed by eating and drinking and at which time, I hope fond, loving, laughing, and fun memories of the person.
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:01 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,475,774 times
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As long as you're not the "eating," I agree.

I was shocked and amazed that my former mother-in-law donated her body to science. My father-in-law preceded her in death over 30 years before, she never remarried, and they had a paid for, double plot with a double headstone on which her name and year of birth were already inscribed. I have to wonder if her year of death has been added, even though she hasn't. Since we're living across the country and none of my children live any closer than 400 miles to it, I'll likely never know.

One of life's little mysteries!
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:34 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,971,705 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
1. Casket selection Our director explained that he was not going to accompany us into the casket room so we could discuss our choice at leisure - all we had to do was write down the stock number of the casket. He told us to take our time. There were a large number of choices - I would say over 20. Suggestion: If the funeral director does accompany you during the casket selection, ask him to leave you alone for a while so that you can discuss the matter among yourselves.
In what states can one be buried in a wooden casket without that pricey vault? Is it always required?

On a larger level, is there a brief (up to date) overview anywhere of what various states mandate in terms of dealing with remains?

Green Burial info: www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTzQ0GOelHk

Last edited by RiverBird; 08-30-2011 at 06:48 PM..
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Old 08-30-2011, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 10,734,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
In what states can one be buried in a wooden casket without that pricey vault? Is it always required?

On a larger level, is there a brief (up to date) overview anywhere of what various states mandate in terms of dealing with remains?

Green Burial info:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTzQ0GOelHk
Keep looking online and you will be amazed at how little local/state laws/rules require versus an industry that wants you to think there are many laws/rules.

In many states you could collect the remains in a trash bag and bury them most anywhere. No need for embalming, caskets, etc.

Not meaning to sound harsh, cold.....but it is a "business" that plies on misconception and/or grief.
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Old 08-30-2011, 11:24 PM
 
472 posts, read 646,528 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
In what states can one be buried in a wooden casket without that pricey vault? Is it always required?

On a larger level, is there a brief (up to date) overview anywhere of what various states mandate in terms of dealing with remains?
As accufitgolf said, the laws pertaining to disposal of human remains varies considerably from state to state. Most deal with cause of death and time lapse from death to burial/cremation.

Some things such as need for a vault or grave liner, or requirement for need of any type of casket are determined by the cemetery.

If you Google "State of ______ Board of Mortuary Arts" you should find some interesting items.
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Old 11-01-2011, 12:37 AM
 
Location: Phoenix
354 posts, read 1,089,084 times
Reputation: 428
Default Satisfying Everybody

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
With experience from the deaths of both of my parents, both of my wife's and a number of other in-laws and out-laws, I can't stress enough the value of pre-planning. It takes the onus off those you leave behind and that can be very comforting for them.
Maybe in all your experience there was a time when planning and arrangements were entrusted to an individual family member. I wonder was there consensus sought or needed over the details?

In my own situation my mother asked my sister to manage things for her and she and I might agree on something but there are six other children, grandchildren and etc.

Personally, I do not want her stuffed and put on display. I think it is disrespectful. I understand that maybe it would mean something to someone else to able to see her. I would like a quick and simple burial with emphasis on a memorial service where we focus on her wonderful life and not dwell on the carcass she left behind.

The big deal is it would not be an easy subject to broach with everybody and particularly difficult with some. Also there are limits to the lengths I would go to have everyone onboard. I expect to pay all the expenses myself but would not want to use that fact for leverage.

When it comes down to it maybe my sister should do what she thinks is right and not worry about the opinions of the rest of the gang. She was chosen for the role.

I have some research to do to help sort out our options so things will be in place when the time comes. It starts here.
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Old 11-01-2011, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,391 posts, read 21,228,976 times
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I want the cheapest cremation possible, and devote the rest of the $$ to a very unique headstone, painted by a muralist.

Bright red, orange, yellow flames shooting out from the base of the stone, to let everyone know where I went!
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