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Old 11-03-2011, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Where we live now, this is home, with internment in the Springfield National Cemetery where fellow soldiers from every war, including the Revolutionary War, are buried. Maybe keeping such good company will rub off on me.

No need for a memorial service unless our children wish to hold their own in memoriam and they can do that where they are. My children and my wife's don't get along and the tres hermanas, my daughters in CA, aren't speaking to the men of the family now, including me, so perhaps they'll want to go to a comedy club the celebrate my having assumed room temperature when the time comes. Chances are I won't care at that point.
It's interesting that a parent who is not so appreciated while alive can be so missed when gone. My mother's daughters experienced a pretty "awful" person in her but after she passed we have more and more realized all the difficult factors in her life that made us so upset with her most of the time. Assuming compassion for her now, we understand where she was coming from all those years and we feel love and actually miss her. We only wish that we could have come to an understanding while she was alive, so we all could have lived a more loving life together. Memorial services remember the whole person, who s/he really was, beyond behavior and misbehavior. Maybe that's why a remembrance service is so important. We are complicated human beings and have the best and worst in us.
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:21 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,497,588 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
It's interesting that a parent who is not so appreciated while alive can be so missed when gone. My mother's daughters experienced a pretty "awful" person in her but after she passed we have more and more realized all the difficult factors in her life that made us so upset with her most of the time. Assuming compassion for her now, we understand where she was coming from all those years and we feel love and actually miss her. We only wish that we could have come to an understanding while she was alive, so we all could have lived a more loving life together. Memorial services remember the whole person, who s/he really was, beyond behavior and misbehavior. Maybe that's why a remembrance service is so important. We are complicated human beings and have the best and worst in us.
That will remain to be seen - the missed part, that is. My oldest daughter is, and even her brothers and sisters say this, her mother all over again. She was also very upset when my wife and I were married. I think in her mind I was supposed to stay alone and just concentrate on being Dad and Grandpa. She holds a lot of sway with her younger sisters who were relentlessly alienated from me by their mother for almost 11 years. I always did what I could to be supportive and loving but apparently, without any lasting affect. And I paid child support religiously including for two years I wasn't legally required to.

Then I did the unforgivable. My youngest daughter got married two months ago. While we were invited, "just like everyone else" - her words - I was denied any part in her wedding and her, now, husband has never introduced himself to or contacted me in any way. She had the middle sister walk her down the aisle and "giver her away." We did not attend under those circumstances. A couple of weeks ago, having allowed the dust of the wedding to settle, I called her on it in the sense of telling her I was hurt and disappointed. My bad. Now the tres hermanos are all angry with me. Scratch one and the all bleed. Oh, well. I've always treated them well, been there emotionally, supportively and financially when they needed it but I am also unapologetically old fashioned and traditional. They can't accept that. Oh well again!

It all reminds me of this:

Bye Bye Birdie - What's the Matter With Kids Today - YouTube
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
That will remain to be seen - the missed part, that is. My oldest daughter is, and even her brothers and sisters say this, her mother all over again. She was also very upset when my wife and I were married. I think in her mind I was supposed to stay alone and just concentrate on being Dad and Grandpa. She holds a lot of sway with her younger sisters who were relentlessly alienated from me by their mother for almost 11 years. I always did what I could to be supportive and loving but apparently, without any lasting affect. And I paid child support religiously including for two years I wasn't legally required to.

Then I did the unforgivable. My youngest daughter got married two months ago. While we were invited, "just like everyone else" - her words - I was denied any part in her wedding and her, now, husband has never introduced himself to or contacted me in any way. She had the middle sister walk her down the aisle and "giver her away." We did not attend under those circumstances. A couple of weeks ago, having allowed the dust of the wedding to settle, I called her on it in the sense of telling her I was hurt and disappointed. My bad. Now the tres hermanos are all angry with me. Scratch one and the all bleed. Oh, well. I've always treated them well, been there emotionally, supportively and financially when they needed it but I am also unapologetically old fashioned and traditional. They can't accept that. Oh well again!

It all reminds me of this:

Bye Bye Birdie - What's the Matter With Kids Today - YouTube
In general, I find much of our kids' generation to be pretty self-centered and even rude to their parents. This is the topic of another thread, so I won't elaborate here, but I can only say "Some of the stories I've heard."
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Old 11-06-2011, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Marietta, GA
857 posts, read 4,474,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
In general, I find much of our kids' generation to be pretty self-centered and even rude to their parents. This is the topic of another thread, so I won't elaborate here, but I can only say "Some of the stories I've heard."
My son died while serving in the Air Force. I knew they had him make a will when he joined and I had no idea what his wishes would have been, so I called his captain and asked him to get a copy of the will and tell me if he wanted to be buried or cremated. The captain called me back and told me that his instructions were "Whatever my mom wants to do."

Having to deal with making arrangements for a loved one on the worst day of your life is not easy. I was fortunate in that the Air Force took care of most of it for me, but even the small amount I had to do was taxing. When I recovered from it I made a will and spelled out everything so that my husband won't have to deal with too much if I go before him. Basically, a can of kerosene and a leaf pile in the backyard would suit me, but I think the HOA has rules against it.
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Old 09-14-2012, 10:46 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,624 posts, read 39,986,663 times
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I just sent a friend to funerals.coop, a VERY good idea in 2012 *year of Cooperative, AND ... YOU are an owner of this business, so have a vested interest!!

This (co-op) and Alternative Funeral services have served me well (For under $1,000, full-meal-deal)

Mine is a bit easier... (I fit in my woodstove)
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,356,004 times
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I want to be cremated, my husband wants to have a Green burial. (Actually what he originally said was he wanted to be wrapped in a blanket and buried in the woods.) Green burials are tough to find in our neck of the woods (Canada), although I believe there is a Green cemetary near our home in Florida.

Unfortunately my husband is one of those who is in permanent denial about this--doesn't want to talk about it. I've had to deal with death at various stage of my own life, so I'm not so squeamish.

I scattered my mother's ashes in the woods near our summer home, I'd like a similar fate. I have no desire to be buried near my dad, I haven't visited that graveyard in years, and I do not want to end up inside a coffin.
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:33 PM
 
2,788 posts, read 2,282,456 times
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Being an only child also.

When dad was in the nursing home, and I traveled?

I went to a funeral home to make the arrangments.
I wanted to pay for everything up front just the way dad said; in case something happed to me.
My son would not have to deal with this as well.

The funeral director said they would not accept the money as payment.
But that they would put the money in a bank account in their name.
Which draws intrest which they would also keep.

Since dad would be dead soon I agreed.
But had I wanted to pay up front years eariler?
I would have just put the money in a joint account with my son
and we would have kept the interest on the funeral money ourselves.

Just something else to think about since funeral costs are so much.
Why give them even more?

Last edited by RevelationWriter; 09-14-2012 at 01:02 PM..
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,747,361 times
Reputation: 32309
Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
I just sent a friend to funerals.coop, a VERY good idea in 2012 *year of Cooperative, AND ... YOU are an owner of this business, so have a vested interest!!

This (co-op) and Alternative Funeral services have served me well (For under $1,000, full-meal-deal)

Mine is a bit easier... (I fit in my woodstove)
Are you giving us the complete picture? Isn't there a cost of admission to belong to any co-op? And exactly what is included for a "full-meal-deal"? Sorry - way too vague to be meaningful.

It is probably illegal for someone to just put you in your woodstove for a do-it-yourself home cremation.
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Old 09-14-2012, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 26,920,267 times
Reputation: 42861
I kind of want to know how he knows he'll fit in the stove....
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Old 09-14-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
I will be cremated in the state of Vermont at a "green" cremation service. I'd like to be driven there in an unfinished pine box laid on a bunch of birch branches (with leaves if in the warmer months) slowly on an old rickety truck. I already have my cotton tunic with a few simple things ready in a tote bag to go with me. My ashes will be strewn about near the child I lost many years ago.

You can make arrangements to prepay, the only problem is that there is never any guarantee (even with a prepaid burial plot) that you will not have moved far away before death and may not want to have relatives incur the nightmare and expense of having to ship your body "back." I also find the thought of having my body shipped anywhere not so great a thought. So I'm hesitant about prepaying, but now I'm sure I will always live within driving distance of Vermont.
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