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Old 08-19-2011, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,792,060 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix lady View Post
My husband's parents left most to my husband's brother and sister. My husband, the more successful do it yourself type person who always took care of himself, got the least. His brother is a lazy, bizarre guy who worked at a correctional facility nights just aiming the gun, waiting for someone to escape. He couldn't barely tie his shoelaces without the mother telling him how to tie them. The sister never worked a day in her life until she hit 40 or older. Then her husband, took up the banjo and played all day while she worked. Ha. He never worked more than maybe 5 years part-time or something like that in his whole life. And, they actually got the most. It pays to be lazy...and to know a few strings of the banjo.
I totally agree with your implication that it is a miscarriage of justice and common-sense fair play to reward the lazy child or children because they have more "need" for the money. Unless there are extenuating circumstances which do not allow an adult child to work, such as being mentally retarded or being a quadriplegic from an auto accident, then I think the non-working or marginally working ones should get no more than their equal share.
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Old 08-22-2011, 01:21 PM
 
10,830 posts, read 14,914,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
My children are not perfect, nor am I. I have no intention of either "rewarding" them or "punishing" them. After all, I AM the one who raised them. They will share equally in my estate. I love all three of them, no exceptions. YMMV.
What would be your advice to this Mother?


The parents divorce and the husband leaves and starts over and builds his own house.

One child was emotionally abused by the Mother, it seems. This child took extra years to get out of college and never found a college related job. This child is now retired and their only source of income is social security. This child is not close to the Mother.

The other child is close to the Mother and was very successful in life with a good job, nice pension, high income life style.


When the Father died he wanted to divide everything evenly. So, he left his house to the one child (the one who is distant from the Mother) and then divided everything else, evenly. Then he wrote a letter to the Mother asking her to leave her house to her closest child. This because, he was trying to divide the two houses, both of which he built.

He knew the economic situation of both kids, but he still divided everything evenly, not penalizing the successful child, or over helping the less successful.

Should the Mother divide her things (except the house) evenly, though the one child is emotionally detached due to their childhood experiences in the home?
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Old 01-01-2012, 06:30 AM
 
3 posts, read 1,980 times
Reputation: 10
Angry Ethical questions- Stepmother-Assets-Probate

My father had everything all "talked out" with us (the children) and his wife. They would liquidate their family Rental business (worth approx 2 Milion) and pay all debts and split the money 1/2 for her, 1/2 for us. Many times the phrase was said, "Don't worry I/she would NEVER do you wrong..."

In June my Father was diagnosed with about 7 kinds of cancer and not given much time. Two things happened: She IMMEDIATELY began to transfer assets from his name to hers. (Brand new truck, etc). Also she said we weren't selling the business- that her grandchildren were going to "buy us out". Great, fine.

For four months they "worked on" getting the money from the bank. Then in November announced they couldn't do it. So the stepmother says, "Sorry- I don't have the money to buy you out (which means you get nothing). By this time my father was on some pretty hard meds, but he saw & knew what was going down. He and I got on Legalzoom and wrote out a will. The ONLY thing it stated was what we had talked out for over a year. We took it to be witnessed and notarized.
While we were gone The wife and her son took pictures of all the medicines he was on, implying they were going to contest the will.

My precious Daddy died on Christmas night. We had a nice service where we were all civil- and then it began... They wouldn't give us our copies of the death certificate- NOR would they give us a copy of his life insurance. We got death cert. copies at the register of deeds- but we can't get anyone at the life Insurance place to talk to us. They will send it all to his house where the address of record is.
BUT the point of all this is: We're getting nothing- we are being done wrong- and I'm not sure there's anything we can do about it.
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Old 01-01-2012, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,031,274 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by GHICK56 View Post
My father had everything all "talked out" with us (the children) and his wife. They would liquidate their family Rental business (worth approx 2 Milion) and pay all debts and split the money 1/2 for her, 1/2 for us. Many times the phrase was said, "Don't worry I/she would NEVER do you wrong..."

In June my Father was diagnosed with about 7 kinds of cancer and not given much time. Two things happened: She IMMEDIATELY began to transfer assets from his name to hers. (Brand new truck, etc). Also she said we weren't selling the business- that her grandchildren were going to "buy us out". Great, fine.

For four months they "worked on" getting the money from the bank. Then in November announced they couldn't do it. So the stepmother says, "Sorry- I don't have the money to buy you out (which means you get nothing). By this time my father was on some pretty hard meds, but he saw & knew what was going down. He and I got on Legalzoom and wrote out a will. The ONLY thing it stated was what we had talked out for over a year. We took it to be witnessed and notarized.
While we were gone The wife and her son took pictures of all the medicines he was on, implying they were going to contest the will.

My precious Daddy died on Christmas night. We had a nice service where we were all civil- and then it began... They wouldn't give us our copies of the death certificate- NOR would they give us a copy of his life insurance. We got death cert. copies at the register of deeds- but we can't get anyone at the life Insurance place to talk to us. They will send it all to his house where the address of record is.
BUT the point of all this is: We're getting nothing- we are being done wrong- and I'm not sure there's anything we can do about it.
Take the copy of your father's will to a reputable estate attorney immediately. If that was his only will, and it was signed, that is something to work with.
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Old 01-01-2012, 09:30 AM
 
10,139 posts, read 23,349,331 times
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Not only "something to work with" but a will contest is one of the most difficult cases for the challenger to win there is. A person is presumed competent and that can only be overcome by clear and convincing evidence. A video of some drugs ill means nothing and may not even be admisable as evidence. In some jurisdictions unless he was examined by a physician at the time of the will who will testify he was incompetent she will lose. In most places if she loses the will contest she has to pay your attorney fees. And, if you were names as executrix, you have a duty to file the will for probate and you can sue her to recover any assets she transferred priior to his death without his consent.
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Old 01-01-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Grove City, Ohio
10,150 posts, read 12,427,346 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
I believe in dividing equally but if you had a grandchild who might waste it, you might put time constraints on it - like 21, xxx - age 30, xxx, etc.

Then, when they're more mature, it's there for them.
If you want to destroy a life give a 20 year old man a winning lottery ticket.

I would split everything evenly and even that would be dictated by how much I had. $1 million and 4 kids?

$100k to each child with the remaining $600k to be split equally among the grandchildren upon reaching 25 years old. Hopefully there's 10 grand children because I wouldn't want it to be to much. Maybe enough to put a serious dent into the cost of a college education sounds about right to me.

Serious money, such as $50 million? Sorry kids, it is because I love you that most of that would go to charity. The kids would each get a little, I like the idea of $100 to $200k, with the grand children's college taken care of. Maybe a trust with each grandchild having 100% tuition paid, a small monthly living stipend (enough where they didn't have to work much part time) and a new car upon graduation?

Leave behind to much money and you could end up being a worthless driving drunk like a Walton heiress prowling the road looking for an innocent poor person to murder.
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Old 01-01-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,911 posts, read 25,394,676 times
Reputation: 26465
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
There is a middle ground.

A common arrangement is where the surviving spouse has the security of and the income from the estate for the rest of their life --the assets being held in trust without actually transferring title to her-- and the assets later being distributed to the children or others as you see fit (including dipping into the principal if needed to provide for her).

Waiting until later to set out the terms... is treacherous ground.

Some reading:
QTIPS
AB Trust
This is what my FIL thought he did. H's Mom was to have the use of his estate until she died and then it was to go to my H.

Right! H's Mom and his step-brother took it all and left H to pay for his Mom's declining years as well.

My H used to talk about how great our lives would be when we inherited. I had my doubts about Mom and the step-brother and all I ever said was don't count those chickens till they hatch. Until those assets are in your control it's not for real.
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Old 01-01-2012, 12:38 PM
 
10,830 posts, read 14,914,213 times
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I have a relative who told me he had $1.3 million in a bank in another state, drawing interest of maybe 2.0% or slightly higher. He also has a house, and two rental properties, and no telling how much life insurance. He is concerned that it is not enough. He has 3 kids over age 50, then 7 biological grand kids and two step grand kids and at least 5 great grand kids. When he added the total to 12-15 or more, then $100,000 to each seemed small to him. I have no idea if that amount will even pay for a college education these days. My parent had an estate of about $200,000 and when his care giver said she owned a piece of land worth a couple million, my parent went to his grave saying his estate, or his life of savings, was peanuts. He should not have felt that way. Maybe everyone should die broke? My rich relative is dismayed because $1.3 million is not much because his wife has died, and yet he still has 25+ persons who are spouses or kids or grand kids from his three children. Big family, so per person it won't be as much as he'd like. He's in excellent health at age 87. If he lives 10-12 more years you can add quite a few more kids to the equation.
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Old 01-01-2012, 07:56 PM
 
3 posts, read 1,980 times
Reputation: 10
Question ??

To Wilson 513 (& Newenglandgirl): Thank you so much for your responses about the will & contesting the will. It gave me some hope.
Moderator cut: post was removed

I have never experienced anything like this- never had a lawyer in my life. At times I think I should just drop the whole thing and let her have it just to avoid confrontation and expense. So I appreciate anything anyone can add. I even called my sister and read your responses to her, so she would also share this hope.

Last edited by Keeper; 01-02-2012 at 07:07 AM.. Reason: you did not hijack anything
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Old 01-02-2012, 07:18 AM
 
13,773 posts, read 33,969,550 times
Reputation: 10563
I think we all would like to think that are children, spouse or other relatives would do the right thing but when money is involved it rarely happens as we intended.

My Dad was married then divorced due to medical issues from his wife. She thought he would die before her so everything was in her name. Her kids got everything including their house, timeshare and cars. She died before him and left it as her kids should split everything. One son came in and stole her jewelry and the others filed charges. They let my father stay in the house until he passed away.
My father learned nothing from his LW's family as he had no will either. My brother wrote himself a check of 10K and took all the expensive things my father had which were not a lot. My sister won't talk to him after that stunt, even when our Mother died she refused to call him. She was right though, he didn't bother to come since she had no money.

I hold no grudge as it doesn't hurt the other person it only hurts you. I firmly believe karma will get you.
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