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Old 08-15-2011, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
1,922 posts, read 3,781,205 times
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Everyday is the summer vacation you had when you were a kid. Don't let people tell you that you have to "keep busy". Busy work is what I tried to avoid the most. Enlightening work is something else.

Learn a language. Take up meditation. Get into digital photography. Sell your digital phtography. Learn skills you never had time for. Take up bonzai and then plan on living long enough so that your bonzai trees actually look like bonzai.

The internet will tell you how to do anything. Right now I am learning how to make DVD movies.
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Old 08-15-2011, 12:37 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,553,490 times
Reputation: 6928
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
I love your posts and agree, wholeheartedly! Yep, I'll probably have to work till I die...or darn close!...but I never complain. I LOVE my job and have fun doing it AND I make decent money. It's all good.

That last paragraph fits me to a T! I have spent my entire work life dealing with people and when I have my "alone time" I am happy to have it. I stay busy, never feel lonely or alone, and am quite happy in my own little world. Friends are great, and I probably could use one or two, but if I don't it's really no big deal.
I have always been a voracious reader of books--many books; long complicated novels; historical fictions; long forgotten classics; deep philosophy; multiple languages and multiple cultures. Reading is a solitary pleasure that is best done alone.

I know all these social networking sites are trying to make reading an interactive experience with other readers--that does not appeal to me. I do not need the views of others of what I read; I do not care about their comments; I do not need their validations of my own thoughts. Reading is best done alone.

I do read many books today, digitally. I do not go for the idea of reading on a beach or outdoors or waiting in line because I have a little ebook reader I need solitude and quiet--Reading is best done alone.

I always wanted a my own big library of books of all subjects--that was my biggest desire of youth. I would never have believed that I would have acheived this goal and gone beyond. With today's technology--I have it all. I have millions and millions of ebooks, from thousands of libraries, all over the world--that I can instantly access and own! I have reference books on all subjects. To think that I thought owing the Encyclopedia Britannica was the best Storage is no problem. I need no steps to get to the higher shelves. They do not rot; they cannot be lost. It just makes me giddy with joy.

So, I am never bored and I have very high goals to read certain books before I die. The list is so big and is getting bigger that I may never die; it keeps me going through the pain; it gives me meaning and joy.

So find something that was a passion, perhaps a lost passion of your youth and do it. For now in retirement, you have the time, all the time in the world.

Livecontent
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Old 08-15-2011, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,681,631 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas User View Post
Not true. If you have money then people will kiss up you for companionship especially women. Look at Hugh Hefner.

How can you be bored with lot of money and time?
It is true for me but I feel very sorry for you with that attiude.

I do not have a lot of money but I am not bored. And I know my friends are my friends for me and not what I have. My sister has more money than she knows what to do with and is as bored with her retired life as can be because she has no imagination as what to do with herself.

And you don't think men don't kiss up to wealthy women? My friend has a saying that sometimes older men look for older women as a nurse or a purse. It goes both ways.
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Old 08-15-2011, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,681,631 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by livecontent View Post
Even though I am in constant pain and have severe disabilities, I do enjoy what I can in this "retirement". I am in my sixties and I got ill in my forties and stopped working. Yea, I do get a little troubled but I just go on and I adapt because that is the way it is.

If you are healthy and retired and you have problems and complaints, what are you going to do when you get older and your health deteriorates? Preparing for retirement is also being prepared for the different stages of retirement. I do not have to worry about preparing for the worse stage of retirement because I have lived it for years.

I am never bored. Actually, I have more to do now, then when I worked. Perhaps it is because every task takes longer and is harder to do. Also, I have expanded my interests because I have the time that I need. Most importantly because I have simple needs, wants and desires--I have freedom from greed and envy. Also a simple life is very easy to maintain; I have as much money as I need and I live debt free in my own home.

Working has been so far in my past that it really does seem like a vanishing nightmare and a desire to work is not relevant. If you did nothing but work in your life and had no interests in other activities--that is really sad. Retirement is not a magic wand that will make you a whole person. Some of you have to work until you die--so do it and stop complaining.

I am alone and I live alone. I have been alone for so long that I can be alone without being lonely. I find that I do not enjoy or need continuous contact with others--a little here and there is sufficient.

Livecontent
Me too. Boredom is what you make of it. For example, If I can manage to get to the bus stop on a good day of health I relish the ride looking out the window for kitty cats, maybe chatting with an interesting person or just daydreaming.

The ride takes time and time is what I have. I enjoy it. I am never bored by myself even on a bad day of health when I have to stay indoors. I think too many people depend upon other people to make their lives interesting.

Reading, walking, shopping and anything else I can do alone keeps me happy and amused. But we are all different. Some people just need the stimulation of organized activities. I get that. There is no one successful formula for not being bored in retirement for everyone.

A few get togethers with friends every now and then is just fine with me.
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Old 08-15-2011, 01:48 PM
 
Location: California
4,556 posts, read 5,475,918 times
Reputation: 9621
I worry that my husband will only lay in bed and yell at the politicians on t.v.
So, I am reading a book called "Coping With Your Husband's Retirement".
As with all things in life and marriage, what each of us wants we must negotiate or someone else will set our priorities, and we may not like them.
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Exeter, NH
5,303 posts, read 4,405,592 times
Reputation: 5698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janeace View Post
I have a week off from work and am staying near home and seeing what retirement might feel like. Yesterday I went to a small water park and was there alone among 100s of people. I then went to a few stores and through a fast food drive in. The only people who spoke to me were the store cashiers, and the fast food order taker throughout the day.
I knew a man who worked for decades for the Post Office, After he retired his wife told me he said he would pay the Post Office if they would let him come back and work.
Yesterday I thought how he must have felt. At least at work it's a good bet someone might talk to you besides saying, "Can I take your order?"
To me it says to get thee to a 55 + gated community where others might acknowledge your prescense, possibly smile and say hello...comment on the weather!!!!
I had a 7 day pass to a fitness gym. I went once after work. Went into the female workout room. The 20 something gals with the Ipods in their ears didn't even seem to see me. I began to wonder if I was there at all.
Could it be this new generation only communcates via computer and phone to the real people in their lives? Real people in front of them are just wallpaper?
If this is what it is like retiring around here, it looks pretty lonely.
You're touching on a problem that has been well studied by social scientists and anthropologists. We've twisted modern life so that it conflicts with our evolutionary social needs. We are most comfortable with a small group of people within our sphere of influence, people that we know well. When our daily life in modern times puts us in contact with thousands of people a day, none of which we know at all, stress goes through the roof. We cannot be comfortable and relaxed, because we don't know what all these people might do. The problem is much worse in societies that are "diverse," because we don't even have the similarity of background and culture to give us some measure of predictability.

The traditional structure of society was the family as the basic unit, then the tribe, then the larger political structure, like Lords and King (or more recently state and federal government).

In America, we started out with small towns, but as the population exploded and we filled in all the good land, and we got cities. Eventually, we got cities so large they merged into each other: Urban planners had to create new terms for these, starting with "The Boswash Megalopolis" for the urban region covering the Atlantic Coast from Boston to Washington D.C. Today that megalopolis runs from Kittery, Maine, all the way to Miami, FL.

Now small towns are so rare that the vast majority have never lived in one (there are no jobs in them, since anyplace near jobs will soon be overpopulated). Urban Planners will say the problem is loss of the "sense of community" that used to characterize small town America, and try to create this in an environment where it cannot exist.

The stress attributed to urban life is so pervasive that we don't even know it's there--but with the prevalence of stress-related diseases and psychological problems, it is actually one of our worst social problems today. In fact, it wasn't until my family started taking camping vacations in rural Arkansas, to escape urban workaholic lifestyles, that we for the first time experienced life WITHOUT urban stress. As we entered the rural area where we would be camping, the stress melted away: we NEVER saw a traffic cop, rarely ever even saw a traffic light, NEVER sat in a traffic jam or waited in line, and were welcomed like lost family by people in tiny towns of 100 or so residents. And when the vacation was over, as soon as we crossed back into the urbanized traffic nightmare, our stress levels went through the roof again.


The work environment re-creates the "tribe" of people we see daily, who form our peer group. We know everyone in our work sphere. Human evolution has led us to be comfortable in groups of around 14-20, if I remember from Anthropology Class. In the nomadic tribes of Africa, it was observed that when the tribe got to about 24 members, it split into 2 tribes. Work, with its strict standards of behavior, allows us to be comfortable with larger groups--but as the company grows large, the smaller work units will become your "tribe" and will compete with--instead of cooperate with--other units of the same company.

So, long story short, the solution is to either retire and find a "tribe" to fit in with, which could be a volunteer situation, or a group with common interests (e.g., photography or sports club)--or, simply move to a place that is still rural enough to have a sense of community. And good luck finding one today, since most of my favorite places in Arkansas have been overrun with too many retirees, too fast, and now are now just as cold and unfriendly as everywhere else.

Last edited by NHartphotog; 08-15-2011 at 03:33 PM..
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:37 PM
 
Location: California Mountains
1,448 posts, read 2,589,778 times
Reputation: 2334
Quote:
Originally Posted by NHartphotog View Post
So, long story short, the solution is to either retire and find a "tribe" to fit in with, which could be a volunteer situation, or a group with common interests (e.g., photography or sports club)--or, simply move to a place that is still rural enough to have a sense of community. And good luck finding one today, since most of my favorite places in Arkansas have been overrun with too many retirees, too fast, and now are now just as cold and unfriendly as everywhere else.

I beg the difference. Many small, medium, and slightly large towns/cities have plenty sense of community.

We lived in Laguna Beach, CA, not a rural area, pop. 25,000+, quadruple every weekends and in the summer, great pride, long heritage, great civic responsibility, sense of community is alive and well (you have to live there to experience it.)

We lived in Charleston, SC, not a rural area, pop. 120,000+, long heritage, great pride, incredible hospitality, great civic responsibility, sense of community is indisputable.

We live in Punta Gorda, FL, not a rural area, pop. 17,000+, double in the winter, short heritage, plenty of self-pride, incredible civic responsibility, very high sense of community even when snowbirds are around.

My friend lives in Elk Grove, CA, not a rural area, pop. 155,000+. Sense of community ties one generation to another to another.

There are many parts of Southern CA where sense of community is missing, only because the area is a huge wall-to-wall city, but we still found friendliness and sincerity everywhere we went. The one area we did not like since we moved back to the States is a certain part of CT where the people are as indifference as the weather is cold. We left after three months.

I've always believed that most of the time, what you give out is what you get back. Don't expect the community to reach out to you when you hesitate to invest part of yourself in the community.
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:50 PM
 
Location: California
4,556 posts, read 5,475,918 times
Reputation: 9621
I'm not so sure retirement is totally about where we live, so much as how we have lived our life. If we are outgoing towards others, generally, they will respond in kind. Put a stick in someone's eye and don't be surprised if you get hostility returned. At this point in my life, I really don't want someone else's drama so I'm getting more selective about with who and how I spend my time.
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,681,631 times
Reputation: 35449
Growing up in inner city Chicago neighborhoods, I can remember these neighborhoods had a mixture of older people and younger people. We all seemed to get along and be neighborly. Sometimes kids would be sent over to the older folks apartments to run errands or do little chores. Other times on hot summer nights, everyone, regardless of age, would sit outside and chat until it was cool enough to go back into their apartments to sleep.

There just didn't seem this division between young and old. We were all neighbors and all interacting as neighbors. Nowadays it seems that people are so much more isolated by age grouping. My young great-nephews hardly every see old folks where they live.

I actually prefer living in a community where there is a variety of ages. I value friendships with people of my one age because we can relate to the same things. But I also like to try relate to younger people to get a handle on their point of view of what's happening now.

I would suggest that someone looking for friends and companionship look to people of all ages. You never know who may be your next best friend.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,988,950 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by NHartphotog View Post
You're touching on a problem that has been well studied by social scientists and anthropologists. We've twisted modern life so that it conflicts with our evolutionary social needs. We are most comfortable with a small group of people within our sphere of influence, people that we know well. When our daily life in modern times puts us in contact with thousands of people a day, none of which we know at all, stress goes through the roof. We cannot be comfortable and relaxed, because we don't know what all these people might do. The problem is much worse in societies that are "diverse," because we don't even have the similarity of background and culture to give us some measure of predictability.

The traditional structure of society was the family as the basic unit, then the tribe, then the larger political structure, like Lords and King (or more recently state and federal government).

In America, we started out with small towns, but as the population exploded and we filled in all the good land, and we got cities. Eventually, we got cities so large they merged into each other: Urban planners had to create new terms for these, starting with "The Boswash Megalopolis" for the urban region covering the Atlantic Coast from Boston to Washington D.C. Today that megalopolis runs from Kittery, Maine, all the way to Miami, FL.

Now small towns are so rare that the vast majority have never lived in one (there are no jobs in them, since anyplace near jobs will soon be overpopulated). Urban Planners will say the problem is loss of the "sense of community" that used to characterize small town America, and try to create this in an environment where it cannot exist.

The stress attributed to urban life is so pervasive that we don't even know it's there--but with the prevalence of stress-related diseases and psychological problems, it is actually one of our worst social problems today. In fact, it wasn't until my family started taking camping vacations in rural Arkansas, to escape urban workaholic lifestyles, that we for the first time experienced life WITHOUT urban stress. As we entered the rural area where we would be camping, the stress melted away: we NEVER saw a traffic cop, rarely ever even saw a traffic light, NEVER sat in a traffic jam or waited in line, and were welcomed like lost family by people in tiny towns of 100 or so residents. And when the vacation was over, as soon as we crossed back into the urbanized traffic nightmare, our stress levels went through the roof again.


The work environment re-creates the "tribe" of people we see daily, who form our peer group. We know everyone in our work sphere. Human evolution has led us to be comfortable in groups of around 14-20, if I remember from Anthropology Class. In the nomadic tribes of Africa, it was observed that when the tribe got to about 24 members, it split into 2 tribes. Work, with its strict standards of behavior, allows us to be comfortable with larger groups--but as the company grows large, the smaller work units will become your "tribe" and will compete with--instead of cooperate with--other units of the same company.

So, long story short, the solution is to either retire and find a "tribe" to fit in with, which could be a volunteer situation, or a group with common interests (e.g., photography or sports club)--or, simply move to a place that is still rural enough to have a sense of community. And good luck finding one today, since most of my favorite places in Arkansas have been overrun with too many retirees, too fast, and now are now just as cold and unfriendly as everywhere else.
This is one of the best posts I've read on CD, showing a real comprehension of sociology and psychology. It outlines the contemporary dilemma. In the tribal community everyone fits in, if they operate according to specific custom...and they age within this social structure knowing their rightful place, according to the identity that they carved out for themselves throughout their lives. There is constant daily interaction on normal, not artificial or induced, levels. It is intergenerational. Our society has lost all that and thus the isolation of adults as they age, and the need to create constructs (acceptable, workable substitutes) in which to live.
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