Is this what retirement is like?? (beach, relative, kiss, friend)

[Minervah]

Regarding communication with much younger people, the last three years of my job I was twice as old as the people I worked with. I was their trainer. We got along fine. They sometimes teased me about my "old timer" experssions and the fact that I could talk about remembering before TV and I called them my "whippersnappers."

It was fun to change generational experiences and information. I had at least three young men always eager to help me with the new computer stuff and I was able to explain the reasoning behind why they had to poke which keys because everything they did now I used to do preciously on a typewriter, adding maching or in some manual way but I had to know the "whys" that nowadays is in the computer memory only.

One of the reasons I never really bonded with most of my former coworkers during the previous timea when we were all close in age was because they were mostly married with kids and I went a completely different route with my life. But I never expected to use work as a social situation so retiring never lost me friends, only things with which to occupy my time during the day.

To the OP, there have been lots of good suggestions here as to how to fill your retirement time. But the best advice is to make the first move. Take action. It's not too difficult and you can build yourself a whole new life.

[Janeace]

Originally Posted by highcotton

As for people much younger than you (one generation or more) being interested in becoming your friend (or even acknowledging your existence), you should already know not to expect much...

Well, okay, I guess I will accept this: to these people I am invisible. I can't expect to be nodded at, said hello to, or recognized as a breathing living thing. OK, got that. Sad, but true I guess.
OP

[LittleDolphin]

Lots of wise observations given...seems to me, in order to "get" you have to "give."

If you wait for people to speak to you, maybe they won't. You speak first and intiate a conversation. Me, I do it all the time, and it works...lots of people want to talk...just had a nice conversation yesterday in a Subway line while wating to get my order placed...I spoke first.

Volunteering and joining activity groups are the ticket. You can be as active, as surrounded by kindred spirits, as YOU choose to be. Retirement is the time to be active rather than passive if you want a vibrant retirement.

[highcotton]

Originally Posted by Janeace

Well, okay, I guess I will accept this: to these people I am invisible. I can't expect to be nodded at, said hello to, or recognized as a breathing living thing. OK, got that. Sad, but true I guess.
OP

I'm totally confused by your apparent belief that people should acknowledge your presence (nod) and speak (say hello) to you first. And if they don't - you think you are invisible to them. That is very strange... What's wrong with YOU being the one to say hello or nod to someone? Or do you think that ONLY OTHERS should do that, and not you?

[Minervah]

Originally Posted by Janeace

Well, okay, I guess I will accept this: to these people I am invisible. I can't expect to be nodded at, said hello to, or recognized as a breathing living thing. OK, got that. Sad, but true I guess.
OP

Well as I posted earlier it hasn't been for me. My friends are anywhere from ten years older to fifteen or so years younger. I am not friends with 20 or 30 somethings but I get along with my nieghbors and acquaintances of that age just fine.

I am wondering what kind of barriers you are putting up for yourself when it comes to your interactions with people of varying ages.

[Ol' Wanderer]

Originally Posted by Janeace

Well, okay, I guess I will accept this: to these people I am invisible. I can't expect to be nodded at, said hello to, or recognized as a breathing living thing. OK, got that. Sad, but true I guess.
OP

Actually, I don't agree with your expectation.

We lived in Charleston, SC, for two years, and found that most people whom we met on the streets and in the shops greeted us with a fair amount of friendliness. ("Hello. How're you doing? Nice day today!" Etc.)

What we received in Charleston was not just the Southern hospitality that became part of everyone's character since his/her young age, but also helped that we have a pleasant disposition. We never failed to say hello, nodded, or smiled at passers-by even before they noticed us.

We now live in FL, and every one -- young and old -- whom we encounter in our daily walk greets us from their front doors, on the sidewalk, and even through the window of their cars when passing.

In addition (my husband doesn't do this though,) when entering a store, I always said hello to the first clerk standing nearby, and again, when leaving, I said "thank you" (to the general vicinity of the cashier, or to the front clerk) even when I did not purchase anything from them. That is one of the things I learned from living in small town Europe, and adapted as part of my behaviour now that we live stateside again. Never once did I not receive the reciprocal greetings in shops everywhere in the States, even when the clerks were busy with something or someone else.

[Sagitarrius48]

Originally Posted by Janeace

I had a 7 day pass to a fitness gym. I went once after work. Went into the female workout room. The 20 something gals with the Ipods in their ears didn't even seem to see me. I began to wonder if I was there at all.
Could it be this new generation only communcates via computer and phone to the real people in their lives? Real people in front of them are just wallpaper?

First, the key words here are what I highlighted. Going after work to a gym will have a totally different crowd with hardly any of them being retired or close to it! AND they have a different "agenda" which is ONLY working out and not there to socialize. The next two that I highlighted go hand-in-hand as first, they had earbuds in and that should tell you automatically that they do not want to be bothered or even interrupted; and second YES, for the most part that is how most the younger generation communicates ...sad but true. So to me, if you want some exchange with the patrons there, you need to go when retirees are there. I go to my gym at all hours since it is 24/7, but when I go in the morning, there they are working out (sorta) but moreso sitting and talking. I jokingly asked if I would be welcomed next year when I retire, and they laughed and said SURE! SO timing is important as well as noticing those who are there for ONLY the purpose of working out and those who want that but also the social aspect of it. EscortRider commented too that this was one time, and I know from my experience, i never talk to anyone the first time I see him/her. I wait until I see the person again, for then I can comment that we seem to be on the same timetable or something like that. It takes time to get established in anything.

Originally Posted by Janeace

Well, okay, I guess I will accept this: to these people I am invisible. I can't expect to be nodded at, said hello to, or recognized as a breathing living thing. OK, got that. Sad, but true I guess.
OP

Second, sometimes we ARE invisible to the younger crowd, and that will be expected. BUT do not discount younger people as being friends. True it will not happen more than likely, but it does happen as some stated here already. As for me, all of my friends in Europe are in their 30's, and we seem to never run out of things to do or talk about. Here in the states, my friends range from 29 to 67 as we are together due to our common interests. SO that is one more thing you need to look into as you ease into retirement. Maybe meetup is not the place to go; but depending upon where you live, groups can be found to join. Have you tried the library or the newspaper that usually lists what is going on???

Just take a different approach and don't give up! .

[mrgoodwx]

Originally Posted by Janeace

I have a week off from work and am staying near home and seeing what retirement might feel like. Yesterday I went to a small water park and was there alone among 100s of people. I then went to a few stores and through a fast food drive in. The only people who spoke to me were the store cashiers, and the fast food order taker throughout the day.
I knew a man who worked for decades for the Post Office, After he retired his wife told me he said he would pay the Post Office if they would let him come back and work.
Yesterday I thought how he must have felt. At least at work it's a good bet someone might talk to you besides saying, "Can I take your order?"
To me it says to get thee to a 55 + gated community where others might acknowledge your prescense, possibly smile and say hello...comment on the weather!!!!
I had a 7 day pass to a fitness gym. I went once after work. Went into the female workout room. The 20 something gals with the Ipods in their ears didn't even seem to see me. I began to wonder if I was there at all.
Could it be this new generation only communcates via computer and phone to the real people in their lives? Real people in front of them are just wallpaper?
If this is what it is like retiring around here, it looks pretty lonely.

I've been retired 4 1/2 years. I never get bored. That doesn't mean I like everything I do. If I am not working on the house or yard, I'm working on one of various hobbies. On the other hand, my brother-in-law retired 9 months ago and he hates it. That doesn't surprise me, as he never seemed to have any interests or hobbies outside of work.

I think you need to assess your own individual situation. Do you have hobbies? Do you have a passion to do things you've never been able to do because work got in the way? If not...do you have a senior center with activities that interest you? In my own location, there are numerous "clubs" in the senior centers to serve many, many interests. Personally...I don't participate in any of them because I am so busy on my on. But...if I didn't have all the hobbies I have...I would take advantage of them.

For those people who still like their work...have no hobbies or don't want extra times to pursue them...my advice would be to keep working.

[in_newengland]

As already stated, if you have outside interests and hobbies, you're all set.

I hated working because I never had time to do the things I love. I used to be at work worrying about my garden and not being there to water it. I used to miss my cat. I wanted to be able to buy groceries during the day, have time to cook real food and not be too tired out to eat. I wanted time to take day trips and to explore local history.

Although it would help to have more money to do more of the things I love, like travel, I have so many interests that I'm not bored. I now have a dog to take care of and to walk and I might get him trained to be a dog who cheers people up in the hospital. I now make my own laundry detergent--cheap and fun and better than store bought. I read books. I shop in thrift stores and take my time looking. I watch a little bit of tv at night and I enjoy being on the computer. Then there is family history--very time consuming but lots of fun and you meet people through it. I don't go to the senior center because it's mostly bingo and other things that bore me but maybe someday either I'll change or the senior center will change.

I think it's easier if you live in an area with lots of older people like I do. I'm not isolated in a house anymore, in a neighborhood. I would never want a gated community and thank goodness we don't have many of those around here anyway but if I could afford to I'd probably buy a mobile home in a 55+ park in a town of my choice by the ocean. So far the only ones I like are charging $500+ a month + taxes and utilities after you already own the home--I can't afford that. So I live in a small apartment that allows pets and lets you have a garden. You just have to have lots of interests. If you never developed any outside interests, then you may be in trouble.

[cap1717]

Even without the money necessary for travel, etc., "owning your own time" can be a marvelous experience. Volunteer, learn something you always wanted to learn, read, get out into the natural world, find opportunities to contribute to others in small ways, but most of all, escape the "self-centered" opinions. I am old and fat (and happy, btw) positively enjoy even those daily interactions with strangers, like the young boys who hold doors open for me, etc., as well as the company of friends, neighbors and those who also volunteer. I am (finally) learning to play the fiddle, and studying music theory. . ..painting (pictures, not houses), etc. etc. My only real problem is that there are so many choices. . . . .