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This is a very sad thread. As the great Bette Davis said "old age is no place for sissies." It
is a massive problem here in England as well. I'm 58 now, and there are people I've known
all my life from being a boy, who I've seen go from being in the prime of life, now into old
age. I know we need to plan for old age, but for many it's a difficult thing to do, part of you
thinks things will carry on forever as they are now, we all know this is untrue. My father used
to have all sorts of plans for old age, then died suddenly at 55. My wife's mother who is 86 lives with us, so I'm seeing close up the ravages of old age, but she has us, so is not lonely.
We plan to move soon to the coast, to be near our daughter, so as we age, she is near to
keep an eye on us. For everything else, we hope for the best.
I can't imagine spending my last days on earth in some house by myself, alone. To me that seems too sad.
My husband and I both want to go into an assisted living facility as soon as they'll allow us to. We're only 35 and 39 but we're already talking about it. We have a lot of those places in the city where we live. We ride our bikes by and try to decide which one we would prefer to spend our last days in. There's a few on the coast as well... but when you get old the wind and cold weather bothers you, so we think an inland facility might be more comfortable?
We want to both have those scooters that old people use to get around, and we're going to have scooter races. I'm going to color my hair purple and hot pink and fire engine red and get my nails done in crazy colors, he's going to paint flames on his scooter and wear sex pistols' t-shirts and ripped blue jeans and doc marten boots and converse sneakers. Or maybe just wear his PJ's all the time. We're gonna cuss when we feel like it and not care who hears us. We're going to get matching henna tattoos in places where our skin isn't as wrinkled - if we have any such places by that age.
We're going to play bingo like nobody's business and we're going to hoot and holler and start an old person gang. We're going to see dollar movies and get every single senior discount we can get. And we're going to do puzzles until our hands shake too much to do them anymore, then we'll take up painting and make the shaky stokes part of the charm of our artwork. We'll have art shows but instead of fussy frou-frou events with expensive wine and stinky cheese we'll all wear our pajama's and fuzzy house slippers and have tea and lots of chocolate, and maybe order pizza, too, if we can still chew.
We are looking forward to getting old. And we've decided whoever goes first gets cremated, and whoever goes last gets cremated, too, and then our ashes buried with the other's ashes, and we'll share a spot in the cemetery and share a gravestone, too. "Too Old Farts, Young at Heart, Crazy In Love, Always and Forever"... we're still working the wording out...
I've been pretty much of a loner all my life and enjoyed it. My best times growing up were riding my bicycle and exploring new places, walking through the woods with my dog, sailing in company with a good book, etc.
I married and ultimately had five children so there was a lot of hustle and bustle and I enjoyed that but when the ex left me after 25 years, three of the children were grown and gone and she took the other two with her, I rediscovered how much I enjoyed peace, quiet and solitude in company with only a pet.
I did remarry after a few years, my wife is not "intrusive" and we get along well without needing constant interaction with others or even between ourselves at times although we do enjoy time spent together.
I'm a bit of a dichotomy in that I'm a gregarious anti-social with a good sense of humor that others seem drawn to and enjoy but I don't cultivate close friendships and value my alone times.
Should my wife predecease me I would have no problem living alone and maintaining our home just for myself and whatever pet(s) I/we might have (two rescue cats at present). As long as I have a computer, good books, a vegetable garden and see my children and grandchildren occasionally - none of them live close - I can be quite content. I would not remarry.
I can't imagine spending my last days on earth in some house by myself, alone. To me that seems too sad.
My husband and I both want to go into an assisted living facility as soon as they'll allow us to. We're only 35 and 39 but we're already talking about it. We have a lot of those places in the city where we live. We ride our bikes by and try to decide which one we would prefer to spend our last days in. There's a few on the coast as well... but when you get old the wind and cold weather bothers you, so we think an inland facility might be more comfortable?
I hope it works out.
Assuming that this is a serious post which is hard to believe, I think it's sad that someone in early middle age looks forward to the day when she is no longer physically or mentally able to manage her life. Assisted living is the last stop before the nursing home. The people who post on this forum are either old or getting there; however, I don't believe that I have ever read a post other than yours in which someone expressed a desire to require a keeper. Perhaps you don't know what assisted living is; just click on the link below to find out.
The Assisted Living Federation of America states that the average age of assisted living residents is 86.9 years (female average age, 87.3; male average age, 85.7). Female residents (73.6%) outnumber male residents by almost 3 to 1. The majority (76.6%) of assisted living residents are widowed, and just over 12% are still married or have a significant other. The average length of stay for assisted living residents is 28.3 months (the median is 21.0 months). When people leave an assisted living facility after a typically short stay, they are either headed for a nursing home or a cemetery. People don't have fun in these facilities; they're waiting to die.
If this is a troll post, keep im mind that you're not too young for early onset Alzheimer's.
I had a chance to study loneliness in old age close up when I was 14. My father, who was
divorced met a single lady who had moved in next to his mother. It was quite inconvenient
for him with me being 14 and wanting to be with this lady, so he moved me in with his
mother, himself with this lady. Well, as you can imagine I was'nt very happy with this! My
grandmother at the time was about 75, a real victorian born about 1891. She had been a
widow for years. She had a "gentleman friend" who was the cause of great amusement to
her children. He lived two doors up from my fathers girlfriend! One night I came home to
find my gran in a very agitated state, she and her "gentleman friend" had a row, and he'd
gone off to a local pub were he had his eye on another old lady, who he brought home
with him later this evening. My grandmother saw this, fumed for a while, then flew out of
her house knocking hard on his door, and shouting, she was very upset. My father opened
his bedroom window and called down "mother, go home, you're showing yourself up!"
I watched this in astonishment. I learned that night that old people do have deep feelings
not just the young, and how lonely she truly was.
i am very comfortable when be alone, strangely enough i fell very lonely in the social function with a lot of people.
I think lots of retirees feel rather comfortable being alone, and perhaps may be loners at heart. I think the issue I was raising in my OP is not so much are we loners or not, but the whole idea of being very old and infirm with absolutely no family or friends to be with us in the latter years.
There's various places, for instance, that I would like to move to, based on my knowledge of those areas. But my family and friends are here, and age is now a major factor in everything I decide.
I'm wondering if singles 0ver 55 or 60 or 65, etc are making specific plans on where to live at this stage based on this concern.
,,,,,,we're going to hoot and holler and start an old person gang.
That's the ticket--an old persons' gang! And we can march on Washington for better conditions and elimination of taxes...riding in on motorcycles and wheelchairs and light aircraft or hot air balloons...
Maybe that's it, that the aging population (ie, Boomers) are much too complacent about making our social and economic needs known, we are too willing to accept our parents' model of aging. It's new models we need for growing old.
People don't have fun in these facilities; they're waiting to die.
We are all waiting to die. What we do with the time we have is what makes the difference.
I drop my Mom off every day at an adult day program at a continuing care facility. I see plenty of folks having fun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morwyn_7
My mother was 92 when she died and she was one of those who insisted on living in her own home until the end. She had lived in that house for 63 years with my father when he died, 5 years before her, and she did not want to move elsewhere. She had other options but she wanted to stay in place with all she knew.
With a little help and some house adjustments she lived out the rest of her life in her own home. For my mother ending up in what she called an old people's home would have been hell. We are all different.
We are indeed all different. No argument with you there. If your mother decided to live alone in her own home after her lifelong companion passed away, fine by me. And if a little help and a few minor adjustments made that possible and she was happy as a clam--Hurrah for you all. Sounds like it worked out well for all concerned.
What I don't get is those who insist on living alone and then complain about how others won't provide the amount of companionship they crave.
I think lots of retirees feel rather comfortable being alone, and perhaps may be loners at heart. I think the issue I was raising in my OP is not so much are we loners or not, but the whole idea of being very old and infirm with absolutely no family or friends to be with us in the latter years.
There's various places, for instance, that I would like to move to, based on my knowledge of those areas. But my family and friends are here, and age is now a major factor in everything I decide.
I'm wondering if singles 0ver 55 or 60 or 65, etc are making specific plans on where to live at this stage based on this concern.
i have been in this dilemma for some time. i haven't had family for years, and when my husband died 9 years ago i lost the last/only significant person in my life.
i've been a relationship with a significant other for 8 years, and 5 years ago, after both of us regularly traveling 90 miles back and forth to be with each other and after considering other scenarios, i moved where he is. the current location is pleasant, affordable,convenient, relatively safe, but it does not, and probably will not ever resonate with me on the deepest levels. even if he wished to move, and he sometimes does, there are issues- one being health- which would make it very difficult. he enriches my life but also complicates it.
so, here i am where i have made friends, connections, become in involved in groups,work very part time at a job i like, but feel there are other places i'd rather be. i am 68 and feel that, at most, i may have 15 more "good" years?? my guess is i'll stay here for the length of his life or possibly mine. if he dies before me, depending on my age at that time, i would probably go into a ccrc, and i have investigated possibilities of those in the areas where i still have connections, friends, and where, at least i think, i would rather live.
i would like to be settled, have everything "sewed up" but in this era of aging boomers and quasi-boomers ( that's me ), i think there are no golden answers. i think we will, as someone said ( i wish i could remember who ) have to live the questions.
catsy girl
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