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Old 08-16-2011, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Near a river
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Does anyone here discuss with other family members your options and what would happen if you decided to move elsewhere...like would they want you to come back in very old age? In other words, did/do you discuss options about the latter years, or is that too difficult to do with family members (who may or may not want to be there for you)?
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Old 08-16-2011, 02:24 PM
 
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Nope, never discussed. I don't bring it up and neither do they. When I do talk to them, about 3 times a year, one of them will ask "how's your health"...like they are worried that I'm deteriorating and they might get stuck with me someday. I think they live in fear that I might move back to the area when I get older. Truth be told, they are the last people I would want making decisions for me or about me. I don't even like being around them any more. I think I'd rather wander into the woods and let mother nature take over then have them stick me in a nursing home somewhere (I saw what happened with my father so I have facts to base this on). I guess I'm in a fairly unique situation where family/relatives are not an option in old age. So, I'm not basing my decision on where to live in retirement to include help from my estranged (and strange) family.
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Old 08-16-2011, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,751,136 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
Nope, never discussed. I don't bring it up and neither do they. When I do talk to them, about 3 times a year, one of them will ask "how's your health"...like they are worried that I'm deteriorating and they might get stuck with me someday. I think they live in fear that I might move back to the area when I get older. Truth be told, they are the last people I would want making decisions for me or about me. I don't even like being around them any more. I think I'd rather wander into the woods and let mother nature take over then have them stick me in a nursing home somewhere (I saw what happened with my father so I have facts to base this on). I guess I'm in a fairly unique situation where family/relatives are not an option in old age. So, I'm not basing my decision on where to live in retirement to include help from my estranged (and strange) family.
I think there are more of us out there than you realize. I am divorced with no kids and live alone. Some cousins and I keep in touch and we enjoy seeing each other at irregular intervals, but there would be no direct involvement in old age in the sense of care. Same with my one sibling, who has her own family and lives 2000 miles away. I have several close friends in my geographical area, but I would not want them involved either.
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Old 08-16-2011, 02:32 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,502,154 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Does anyone here discuss with other family members your options and what would happen if you decided to move elsewhere...like would they want you to come back in very old age? In other words, did/do you discuss options about the latter years, or is that too difficult to do with family members (who may or may not want to be there for you)?
Never occurred to us and we never asked. We just gave ample "warning" and moved. Not discussing what-ifs wasn't a matter of difficulty. For me, at least, there are no plans, and never were, to move back and become dependent in any way upon any of my children.
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Old 08-16-2011, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,988,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
Nope, never discussed. I don't bring it up and neither do they. When I do talk to them, about 3 times a year, one of them will ask "how's your health"...like they are worried that I'm deteriorating and they might get stuck with me someday. I think they live in fear that I might move back to the area when I get older. Truth be told, they are the last people I would want making decisions for me or about me. I don't even like being around them any more. I think I'd rather wander into the woods and let mother nature take over then have them stick me in a nursing home somewhere (I saw what happened with my father so I have facts to base this on). I guess I'm in a fairly unique situation where family/relatives are not an option in old age. So, I'm not basing my decision on where to live in retirement to include help from my estranged (and strange) family.
I can understand some of this, though I've asked my family to collectively decide what to do if I get to the age when I can't make my own decisions.My kids and even my ex are a great team and they are so on the same page, they are really rational and compassionate and loving. So in my case I will leave it up to them when to pull the plug. So I don't want to be that far away from them as I get older and older. It is a dilemma, of sorts. I love where I live now too, but there are compelling reasons to move somewhat from this area once I go into an apartment. My friend's stories, in my OP, have made me seriously rethink doing that.
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Old 08-16-2011, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,988,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
I think there are more of us out there than you realize. I am divorced with no kids and live alone. Some cousins and I keep in touch and we enjoy seeing each other at irregular intervals, but there would be no direct involvement in old age in the sense of care. Same with my one sibling, who has her own family and lives 2000 miles away. I have several close friends in my geographical area, but I would not want them involved either.
Your comment here and others makes me think there is an opportunity for someone to put something together, some kind of community-based national program, for seniors who are largely alone by circumstance or choice. Does anyone know of such a thing and if so what is it? Wondering what a resource program could offer to the elderly senior.
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Old 08-16-2011, 05:02 PM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 865,193 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Your comment here and others makes me think there is an opportunity for someone to put something together, some kind of community-based national program, for seniors who are largely alone by circumstance or choice. Does anyone know of such a thing and if so what is it? Wondering what a resource program could offer to the elderly senior.


i know of no national program , but there are certainly local sustainable communities, also sometimes referred to as, i believe, intentional communities, developed in towns and cities as a way of aging in place but also as a means of providing support and services to enable seniors to do so. the one i'm slightly familiar with, from working in geriatric care management, is homeports, out of chestertown,maryland, about 25 miles from me. this is a co-op created about 3 years ago, as a means of garnering reliable services for seniors who want to remain at home as well as to provide some socialization for those who are interested. chestertown is a small college town on the eastern shore of md. and undoubtedly some or many of the members have known each other for a while. however it is an area that attracts retirees as it is near the chesapeake bay , so new residents are part of the picture as well. they have a website, called just "homeports."
there are many other variations on this idea, a large community in boston and another large group in san francisco. i don't know if there is any national network of which they are a part, as i have been out of the geriatric social work business for a while.

catsy girl
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Old 08-16-2011, 05:14 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 14,447,368 times
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The people who really matter/care will visit at some time or another regardless of your location.

People are inherently prone to loneliness. It gets worse as we age and become more homebound.

It is best to keep as active as possible in the retirement community in which one lives.

If you happen to be an elder in good health, make it a point on a regular basis to visit with the ones in poor health.

It is a good example that some are bound to follow, and therefore can make a big "pay it forward" difference.
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Old 08-16-2011, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,681,631 times
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I have mentioned this before but I will repeat if everyone doesn't mind. But you don't necessarily need friends or family to carry out your wishes for the "end."

A friend of mine was estranged from what little family she had left who lived three thousand miles away. She went to a Conservatorship to arrange for all funeral, health, medical, will and any other arrangements she wanted to take place when she died.

She did this when she discovered she had Cancer. She lived for two more years and had time to convey to friends what she had done. Her friends threw a nice memorial service after she passed away but no one had to worry about her anything pertaining to legal issues since the Conservatorship took care of all of this.

I want to do this. I have two sisters that don't care to become involved with me all that much while I am living so I don't need them to take care of my business when I am dead. Or recieve whatever little money I may have left. That will go to various animal protection programs.

And to add a bit more, I worked for a year in a Probate Court. People used Conservators, attorneys, accountants etc in lieu of families to carry out their last wishes. It's a good way to go if one does not have family members to do these things for them.
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Old 08-16-2011, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 658,386 times
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I have thought about the title of this thread and have spent some time wondering why so many of us feel so alone. Might be because some of us can remember growing up in neighborhoods where everyone knew each other and neighbors eagerly stepped up to the plate to assist others in need. Often times you were loved & cared for as family members. For the most part those neighborhoods and the people who lived in them are long gone. Does anyone still live in such a neighborhood?

Here is just one heartwarming story of people still carrying on the tradition of caring in my beloved Detroit. detroitblog Blog Archive Keys to the city:
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