Aloneness in Old Age (moving, acquaintance, spouses, retired)
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...An older person's pet can feel sad and trapped. Any younger person who volunteers to walk an elderly neighbor's pet is terrific. ...
That gives me some great ideas. Where we live there are a lot of older people who have therapy dogs. I talk to many of these people practically every day, they seem to always be out by the pool or hanging out by the walking and jogging paths or river trails that go by our home. Anyway - I will bring this up with them. I have two boys who need to spend more time out doing good stuff in the community. Thanks for this idea!
Maybe the OP couple has already decided not to have children?
If I'm not mistaken the OP mentioned children.
I remember a friend of mine in university. We graduated together, and he got a job teaching a year later, high school (high school teachers here are paid very well). His remark was, "30 years to full retirement"! I felt sorry for him
Totally serious. Got a few positive reps for my post, too. Just because a couple plans for their old age doesn't mean they aren't also enjoying every minute of their present time together. I think what's really sad is when people don't plan for the future. You make it seem like that's all we do, though. That's silly. There's one assisted living facility near us that is right along the river bike trail that my hubby and I love to ride. You can sit there and watch Great Blue Heron, Bald and golden Eagles, lots of other birds and wildlife... sweet little turtles sunning themselves. We like that place. We feel like if we were to ever get to a place where we couldn't live on our own easily, or we were becoming too much trouble for our kids and grandkids, we'd definitely consider that place. And we can go from riding our bikes along that trail to racing our scooters. And when we can't even do our scooters anymore we'll just sit and watch the birds and listen to the river. And those memories will be so happy. And when it's just one of us left, we'll still be happy when we think of all the fun times we shared there.
I especially love the highlighted parts.
I know my old age will be one where I'm alone, which I don't fret, so I'm making the best of now so I won't have to sit regretting my eventual lone days.
Having worked with ailing seniors and hospice patients, I've seen all the best laid plans of those hoping family would be a great comfort not live up to their expectations, so, I don't feel I'd be missing out on much. I have the one daughter that I could live with, but as like some mentioned that, in my case as well, would be detrimental to all involved. A while back I had a wonderful nephew ask if I would like to come live with him and his family, though I love him and other nephews and nieces that would have made the surroundings a joy, but, I declined for a variety of reasons including location (NYC).
I've seen what a burden it can be to have an ailing relative live with family. This isn't a negative for all families, just many that I witnessed whom mostly had good intentions. I've also seen some children that once parent signed over powers, the adult children sold homes from under parents and put parents in nursing homes without a care. In a number of instances parents that moved into childrens homes and lost their feeling of independece and were made to feel like children because their kids felt they had to control everything relating to live-in parent ill or not.
There are of course great kids and relatives doing the best they could to assist, that were/are unappreated as well, who are driven batty by having to take on so much responsibility, marriages become strained, families that were doing fine, become stressed. The adult child taking on too much becomes guilt ridden because they don't know how to handle all they've taken on, especially if a times comes when there's no choice but to place a parent in a nursing home. Some times a nursing home type facility is an only option.
It really is a good idea to have a long conversation with those you feel you will end up having to place the responsibility of yourself upon when old age sets in and you feel being alone isn't an option. Let me just inform you that that having friends and family near by doesn't always equate to lots of visitors, after a while many of those visits peter out when your friends and family members start to get depressed seeing your health decline or when friends start seeing their fate in your eyes and can't handle it much more.
There's nothing wrong with closure, it's unavoidable, we all knew it would come someday, so do make the best of the time in between.
I'm hoping my plans to be thrown in a fire and out at sea will be honored, though if my organs can be harvested first, that's fine with me too. But I want out as soon as I won't have the abililty to wipe my own butt anymore.
Having worked with ailing seniors and hospice patients, I've seen all the best laid plans of those hoping family would be a great comfort not live up to their expectations, so, I don't feel I'd be missing out on much. I have the one daughter that I could live with, but as like some mentioned that, in my case as well, would be detrimental to all involved. A while back I had a wonderful nephew ask if I would like to come live with him and his family, though I love him and other nephews and nieces that would have made the surroundings a joy, but, I declined for a variety of reasons including location (NYC).
I've seen what a burden it can be to have an ailing relative live with family. This isn't a negative for all families, just many that I witnessed whom mostly had good intentions. I've also seen some children that once parent signed over powers, the adult children sold homes from under parents and put parents in nursing homes without a care. In a number of instances parents that moved into childrens homes and lost their feeling of independece and were made to feel like children because their kids felt they had to control everything relating to live-in parent ill or not.
There are of course great kids and relatives doing the best they could to assist, that were/are unappreated as well, who are driven batty by having to take on so much responsibility, marriages become strained, families that were doing fine, become stressed. The adult child taking on too much becomes guilt ridden because they don't know how to handle all they've taken on, especially if a times comes when there's no choice but to place a parent in a nursing home. Some times a nursing home type facility is an only option.
It really is a good idea to have a long conversation with those you feel you will end up having to place the responsibility of yourself upon when old age sets in and you feel being alone isn't an option. Let me just inform you that that having friends and family near by doesn't always equate to lots of visitors, after a while many of those visits peter out when your friends and family members start to get depressed seeing your health decline or when friends start seeing their fate in your eyes and can't handle it much more.
What a wonderful and wise post. What I like most about it is that it is based on actual observations of a large number of situations rather than on some theoretical or ideological considerations of how things might work out or how things are supposed to work out. What a refreshing change from those people who say, "Oh I would never allow my mother to go into a nursing home". (Notice how it is usually the mother, not the father, who is "never" supposed to go into one, and it is usually the adult daughter, not the adult son, who is saying that).
I know my old age will be one where I'm alone, which I don't fret, so I'm making the best of now so I won't have to sit regretting my eventual lone days.
Having worked with ailing seniors and hospice patients, I've seen all the best laid plans of those hoping family would be a great comfort not live up to their expectations, so, I don't feel I'd be missing out on much. I have the one daughter that I could live with, but as like some mentioned that, in my case as well, would be detrimental to all involved. A while back I had a wonderful nephew ask if I would like to come live with him and his family, though I love him and other nephews and nieces that would have made the surroundings a joy, but, I declined for a variety of reasons including location (NYC).
I've seen what a burden it can be to have an ailing relative live with family. This isn't a negative for all families, just many that I witnessed whom mostly had good intentions. I've also seen some children that once parent signed over powers, the adult children sold homes from under parents and put parents in nursing homes without a care. In a number of instances parents that moved into childrens homes and lost their feeling of independece and were made to feel like children because their kids felt they had to control everything relating to live-in parent ill or not.
There are of course great kids and relatives doing the best they could to assist, that were/are unappreated as well, who are driven batty by having to take on so much responsibility, marriages become strained, families that were doing fine, become stressed. The adult child taking on too much becomes guilt ridden because they don't know how to handle all they've taken on, especially if a times comes when there's no choice but to place a parent in a nursing home. Some times a nursing home type facility is an only option.
It really is a good idea to have a long conversation with those you feel you will end up having to place the responsibility of yourself upon when old age sets in and you feel being alone isn't an option. Let me just inform you that that having friends and family near by doesn't always equate to lots of visitors, after a while many of those visits peter out when your friends and family members start to get depressed seeing your health decline or when friends start seeing their fate in your eyes and can't handle it much more.
There's nothing wrong with closure, it's unavoidable, we all knew it would come someday, so do make the best of the time in between.
I'm hoping my plans to be thrown in a fire and out at sea will be honored, though if my organs can be harvested first, that's fine with me too. But I want out as soon as I won't have the abililty to wipe my own butt anymore.
This is such a wise approach. I personally think people live too long, but I don't know the reasons why people linger in nursing homes (what the actual physical, emotional, or spiritual reasons are . . .) I think I will start a thread on that subject . . .
I don't know about the robot, but pets are certainly more and more important as many of us age. Especially if we live alone. The problem of course is caring for them properly. Many a pet is not walked regularly or fed the best. An older person's pet can feel sad and trapped. Any younger person who volunteers to walk an elderly neighbor's pet is terrific. Across the street from me two old ladies, sisters, live together. They have birds of some kind (must be a parrot or two and something else, a dove?) and you can hear them imitating the birds and "talking" to them affectionately on summer days. (Is this what I'm headed for??? )
Hey, it's a good direction. At the end of the day, I can't think of anyone I would rather come home to than my sweet little kitty-cat.
Oh she looked at first like a fat little skunk from the behind! then I saw her face!
LOL! That was after I had recently adopted her at the age of two and she had "issues." She had pulled out all her fur on her back and it grew back whiter than the rest of her.
She wasn't fat then so much but she is a little porker now (10 years later). We both are going on diets.
The two Siamese cats I had prior to getting her lived to be 18. Honestly, I really feel as long as I have a kitty I am never alone. I am constantly amazed at how the different species can communicate so well. It gives one something to care for and worry about and relate to.
She is beautiful, but I too mistook the first pic for some kind of rodent or other creature than a cat, of course it is time for another eye doc appt. kitty-cat is truly a gorgeous kitty. She's lucky to have been cared for so well and it's nice she brings you such great comfort.
LOL! That was after I had recently adopted her at the age of two and she had "issues." She had pulled out all her fur on her back and it grew back whiter than the rest of her.
She wasn't fat then so much but she is a little porker now (10 years later). We both are going on diets.
The two Siamese cats I had prior to getting her lived to be 18. Honestly, I really feel as long as I have a kitty I am never alone. I am constantly amazed at how the different species can communicate so well. It gives one something to care for and worry about and relate to.
It doesn't always have to be just people.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
She is beautiful .. big and beautiful I recently took in a mixed Siamese kitty. She was at the time about 9 months old and had been abandoned and was sick and starving. Now 4 - 5 months later, and quite a few hundred dollars cost later ... she is healthy, happy and assures me she is here to stay. I had not wanted another animal after my 17 year old cat died but it was hard to ignore the young ones plight.
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Got a few positive reps for my post, too. Just because a couple plans for their old age doesn't mean they aren't also enjoying every minute of their present time together. I think what's really sad is when people don't plan for the future. You make it seem like that's all we do, though. That's silly. There's one assisted living facility near us that is right along the river bike trail that my hubby and I love to ride. You can sit there and watch Great Blue Heron, Bald and golden Eagles, lots of other birds and wildlife... sweet little turtles sunning themselves. We like that place. We feel like if we were to ever get to a place where we couldn't live on our own easily, or we were becoming too much trouble for our kids and grandkids, we'd definitely consider that place. And we can go from riding our bikes along that trail to racing our scooters. And when we can't even do our scooters anymore we'll just sit and watch the birds and listen to the river. And those memories will be so happy. And when it's just one of us left, we'll still be happy when we think of all the fun times we shared there.
)
then I saw her face!
