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Old 08-25-2011, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
326 posts, read 763,633 times
Reputation: 183

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Quote:
Originally Posted by accufitgolf View Post
+

Let me starrt with a basic question. "My children" as they are not your spouse and your children?
They are and he loves them. But I have seen too many times that when a person falls in love again, they are so into the new family and often ignore the children from previous marriage. Often guys let their new wives take over the family finance (sorry, for such generalization, just my little observation) and don't even give any thought on what that would do to their children, just like the story Caltovegas linked.

I just feel it is only fair that my money will be given to my children, not someone else'. This goes both ways in that I don't mind at all that DH set up his will the same way - actually I encourage him doing so.
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Old 08-25-2011, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
326 posts, read 763,633 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
cls88 you can put your wishes within a Trust today. Consult with a trusted attorney. Then of course there's always the use of Life Insurance to be used as a tool if the concern is a dollar amount.
Thank you for the suggestions. Could you please explain a bit more about using Life Insurance as a tool?
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Old 08-26-2011, 08:14 AM
 
14,421 posts, read 20,540,230 times
Reputation: 7980
Quote:
Originally Posted by cls88 View Post
Thank you for the suggestions. Could you please explain a bit more about using Life Insurance as a tool?
As you may see on TV you can get high dollar life insurance policies for under $30 a month. My Father never did any of that. He could have afforded it but told me that they were not worth the money. I'm not sure how they work.

I assume a $500,000 policy pays that amount upon the death of the policy holder, to the person's chosen beneficiaries (??)
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If you and your husband have 1+ financial accounts, and both your names on are the accounts:

You may need to consult a lawyer (or ask the bank officer in a conversation just between you and them, with your husband not present, just a casual inquiry) on what happens to the accounts, if you should pass away.

It may be that your husband becomes the account owner and he has the power to change the beneficiaries from the names of your children to someone else (step kids, etc.) and also change the %'s from 50%-50% to 65%-35%, etc.

You say you want YOUR money to go to YOUR kids. If YOUR husband is the owner of the accounts, then he may legally have powers.

Maybe you should put your money in an account, only in your name, so it is 100% guaranteed to go to your kids, and not step kids. No one knows the future, but should you pass away and your husband marries into some children, then their Mother and your husband would have, and be able to generate, resources over time, to leave to those children, independent of your own biological kids.
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Old 08-26-2011, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
326 posts, read 763,633 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by howard555 View Post
You say you want YOUR money to go to YOUR kids. If YOUR husband is the owner of the accounts, then he may legally have powers.

Maybe you should put your money in an account, only in your name, so it is 100% guaranteed to go to your kids, and not step kids. No one knows the future, but should you pass away and your husband marries into some children, then their Mother and your husband would have, and be able to generate, resources over time, to leave to those children, independent of your own biological kids.
Thanks for your suggestions. I do have a term life insurance from work that has the kids as beneficiary. We will do the same with our retirement accounts soon. Yes, there is so much to think about and I really need a good lawyer. I have checked online (yelp etc.) for a good estate attorney, but haven't found one that specialize in estate yet. Most of them (at least the ones with some good reviews) do other things with estate on the side.
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Old 08-26-2011, 09:11 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,932 posts, read 5,408,906 times
Reputation: 4455
Quote:
Originally Posted by cls88 View Post
They are and he loves them. But I have seen too many times that when a person falls in love again, they are so into the new family and often ignore the children from previous marriage. Often guys let their new wives take over the family finance (sorry, for such generalization, just my little observation) and don't even give any thought on what that would do to their children, just like the story Caltovegas linked.

I just feel it is only fair that my money will be given to my children, not someone else'. This goes both ways in that I don't mind at all that DH set up his will the same way - actually I encourage him doing so.
I've observed the same thing...especially when men remarry. All of their assets go to the second wife (which in turn, go to her children when she dies), and the children from the man's first marriage seem to be forgotten.

I was widowed years ago, and I've always felt that if I ever remarried, I'd want to have some kind of pre-nup so that the financial assets their father worked so hard for would be available to my children after my death. I'd expect my significant other to do the same for his family.
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Old 08-26-2011, 09:13 AM
 
14,421 posts, read 20,540,230 times
Reputation: 7980
Quote:
Originally Posted by cls88 View Post
Thanks for your suggestions. I do have a term life insurance from work that has the kids as beneficiary. We will do the same with our retirement accounts soon. Yes, there is so much to think about and I really need a good lawyer. I have checked online (yelp etc.) for a good estate attorney, but haven't found one that specialize in estate yet. Most of them (at least the ones with some good reviews) do other things with estate on the side.
My parents divorced. My Father had 7 financial accounts and had named beneficiaries on them, and chose percentages to each.
If he had not shown me and my sister a list of his accounts, we might have never known they even existed. They were not mentioned in his will. Of course as mail kept arriving, so did the account statements.
We were co-personal representatives on the estate, so we both "we aware of what was there."

Now, with my Mother it is a totally different scenario. My sister is the personal representative, and if my Mother has 3 accounts, for example, and I am named a partial beneficiary on one account, I won't even know the other two accounts even exist (their values, or who the beneficiaries were).
Unless the information is volunteered to me by the will executor (and I am clear they won't).
I'll have to wait until the will and probate inventory list is made a public document.

As far as step kids, my sister has three. My Father left all his assets to his two children and excluded the step children. My Mother, based on what I know, may very well include her step grandchildren (and now there is a step great grandchild).

So, every possible scenario can happen, so you need to just consider all the possibilities that can happen in your case. All based on the relationships everyone has with everyone else.

I'll give you another scenario in my family. My Aunt is widowed and age 91. Her son was married and they split up, so he is living with his Mother now. I visited her recently, and she said she was not sure what to do with her house. Her daughter is married and they have a house. My Aunt said that the daughter told her, that she did not want the house. So, my Aunt is feeling the need to possibly leave the house to her son, who is estranged from his wife. Having spent alot of money on care for her husband, the Aunt may have little assets. If she leaves the house to her son, who happens to be adopted, then her daughter may very well inherit very little. From what I know, I am sure that the Aunt and both her kids are able to have in-person conversations about such matters, and there won't be any bad feelings. The son currently needs a place to live, and to leave the house to both kids would require the son to pay his sister for her half of the house. But he does not have the resources.

So the only way the house could be divided, would be for it to be sold.
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
326 posts, read 763,633 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
I've observed the same thing...especially when men remarry. All of their assets go to the second wife (which in turn, go to her children when she dies), and the children from the man's first marriage seem to be forgotten.

I was widowed years ago, and I've always felt that if I ever remarried, I'd want to have some kind of pre-nup so that the financial assets their father worked so hard for would be available to my children after my death. I'd expect my significant other to do the same for his family.
Thank you for supporting my observation.

I can't agree with you more! The children should get what naturally belong to them. Unfortunately, not everyone think that way. That's why we have to do all these legal paper to protect the kids' interests.
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
326 posts, read 763,633 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by howard555 View Post

So, every possible scenario can happen, so you need to just consider all the possibilities that can happen in your case. All based on the relationships everyone has with everyone else.
You are absolutely right!
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 18,514,977 times
Reputation: 4071
Quote:
Originally Posted by cls88 View Post
They are and he loves them. But I have seen too many times that when a person falls in love again, they are so into the new family and often ignore the children from previous marriage. Often guys let their new wives take over the family finance (sorry, for such generalization, just my little observation) and don't even give any thought on what that would do to their children, just like the story Caltovegas linked.

I just feel it is only fair that my money will be given to my children, not someone else'. This goes both ways in that I don't mind at all that DH set up his will the same way - actually I encourage him doing so.
My wife's mom died and her dad remarried. Originally, she and her sister were told that his will was written in a way that they would get everything, once he and his new wife passed. Over the years, her father has done more things with her children and grandchildren than his own daughters (granted, we live a plane trip away, but her sister is a 3 hour drive).

My wife thinks that he may have changed his will to include her children too. That is, she wouldn't be surprised if he did. For example, he's been slowly giving his gun collection away and most have gone to her kids. While we wish no evil on them, one saving grace is that he is healthier than his wife. She thinks that if her dad dies first, she and her sister will get very little. If her step-mother dies first, she thinks things will be more equitable.

In any case, we planned $0 inheritance from her dad. We also planned $0 from my parents, but that was because we hoped they would spend it all. We plan on everything going to our kids on our deaths. My wife thinks I'll remarry if she dies first, but I'm not planning on it (would rather just live together). If I die first, I'm not worried about the kids as my wife will put them first.
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Old 08-26-2011, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
326 posts, read 763,633 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by akck View Post
My wife's mom died and her dad remarried. Originally, she and her sister were told that his will was written in a way that they would get everything, once he and his new wife passed. Over the years, her father has done more things with her children and grandchildren than his own daughters (granted, we live a plane trip away, but her sister is a 3 hour drive).

My wife thinks that he may have changed his will to include her children too. That is, she wouldn't be surprised if he did. For example, he's been slowly giving his gun collection away and most have gone to her kids. While we wish no evil on them, one saving grace is that he is healthier than his wife. She thinks that if her dad dies first, she and her sister will get very little. If her step-mother dies first, she thinks things will be more equitable.

In any case, we planned $0 inheritance from her dad. We also planned $0 from my parents, but that was because we hoped they would spend it all. We plan on everything going to our kids on our deaths. My wife thinks I'll remarry if she dies first, but I'm not planning on it (would rather just live together). If I die first, I'm not worried about the kids as my wife will put them first.
Your wife's case is exactly what I have seen happened to people around me, and it is something I don't want to happen to my children. I am with you on the marriage thing - living together can simplify lots of issues.
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