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Old 08-21-2011, 07:54 AM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 25 days ago)
 
8,723 posts, read 10,857,046 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
Vigilance can also work against your loved one.

Put yourself in the place of an Administrator, what would be your most ideal patients for your facility? Those without family/friends coming to visit would be picture perfect!

You really want some nagging family member there everyday, the Administrator fearful that any day that family member may run to any number of attorney's who specialize in suing nursing homes?

I've seen it myself working in these homes, the over-vigilant family members who can be a nightmare to the staff.

And what happens when that patient, eventually, goes to the hospital and they're released and the patient wishes to return to the nursing home?

Yup! Big lie! No empty beds, sorry! And the family liked the proximity of this nursing home to their houses, a short drive, and now? The only opening is at a facility 15-20 miles away!

I knew a trouble-maker patient who had made the rounds of every nursing home in our city, to the point, no facility wanted her. And then? Off to a facility in Utah she went!
I don't think being passive is wise when you have a family member in any facility. You don't have to be aggressive, but being assertive and knowing what's happening is the only way to go. Ignorance isn't bliss here. Families can be tactful, but health care places and professionals have to live up to certain standards, too.
I know about the hyper vigilant families, staff think they're "nightmares"--I've worked for years with them in different settings--but, at their core, they want what's best for the patient, so I always tried seeing that and working with it. I'm not talking about families just "making trouble." I'm talking about real issues--negligence, poor care, poor standards, things like that. Whew, I'd want someone advocating for me in that situation.

Last edited by Nanny Goat; 08-21-2011 at 08:08 AM..
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,417 posts, read 21,263,654 times
Reputation: 24246
One of the biggest surprises working in these LTC facilities, is how rarely you run into the desperate/panicky types: Gotta get out of here, can't stand it one more second! If I only had a gun!

Let's not forget, for some of these lingerers, they've ascended to heaven already. When I watch so many of these patients watching/throughly enjoying cable channels from morning to nite, I truly believe their life before entering these facilities wasn't much different, except now they can explore more channels, and they don't have to interrupt their viewing by going to the bathroom or cooking themselves a meal. And many of these patients are so well-medicated, they don't even miss the cold beer!

Batteries goes dead on their TV remote, just put the call light on, aide comes to room with new batteries!

Any number of these lingerers also have access to laptop computers and smartphones. A quadripligic patient in our facility has a laptop with Dragon software, just speak to the computer, and the order is carried out. He'll never regain his mobility, and he's now taking an online university class. Anything to relieve the boredom!

I've never had time to explore Cable television. No clue as to what's being offered. But I'm reserving that exploration for my final days of lingering in a LTC facility! Add in a laptop, and I'll fight to stay alive for another 20 years!

Last edited by tijlover; 08-21-2011 at 08:25 PM.. Reason: edit
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:02 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
777 posts, read 956,623 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
This is probably true, scary and disheartening. The best approach is to be vigilant but also tactful, kind, sweet, etc to all the staff and bring them flowers and candy on a regular basis. Volunteer there for a few hours a week or month if time. The few hours spent volunteering is nothing compared to having your relative live with you. If you see something out of whack, any kind of neglect or mistreatment of any kind, make sure you say it carefully---"I know you folks have so much to do, especially in the mornings, but is there any way you could get my mom up a little earlier to go to the bathroom--could you even put it on her chart? By the way, I'm here for an extra half hour today and can [do anything short of emptying bedpans]...."

That statement is so naive...Everyone wants their Mom to go the bathroom first!!! Especially after meals. But it is unrealistic even if it was put in her chart that she would get to go first...The timing has to be so perfect...it just can't always be done. And if you want her to be gotten up earlier in the morning to go to the bathroom she may be gotten up by the nightshift staff as early as 530 or 6am because you asked for that. Meanwhile she is sitting in her chair (because timewise it doesn't make sense to put her back to bed) til breakfast from the time she got up until 8am and then after breakfast she may or not get put back to bed or toileted right away.
Fresh flowers from your garden are good because everyone enjoys them but boxed candy is unnecessary...homemade anykind of food is better. We won't admit it but we are just too tired to make anything special like that.
But, if you really want to make a difference volunteer to pass water..bring in a big box of socks for the residents and put a permanent marker in the box so when a pair is taken they can be marked right away. In the spring and fall coordinate with the activities person to bring in a box of starter flowers so the residents can plant a flower box..volunteer at the holiday parties or the monthly residents birthday party. Adopt a resident and pay for a trip to the beauty parlor or buy them a new gown..send cards to residents on their birthdays. I knew a lady that would give the Social worker a stack of cards with a hand written note of love and inspiration...it was so beautiful.
Be kind to the staff...especially the aides..They work so hard and most do it because they love the job...and your Mom or Dad. And that may be another reason people live longer in Nursing Homes..there really is so much love.
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:14 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
777 posts, read 956,623 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
One of the biggest surprises working in these LTC facilities, is how rarely you run into the desperate/panicky types: Gotta get out of here, can't stand it one more second! If I only had a gun!

Work a couple shifts on a locked unit for patients with dementia...that's where those types are.
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:30 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,417 posts, read 21,263,654 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanygirl View Post
That statement is so naive...Everyone wants their Mom to go the bathroom first!!! Especially after meals. But it is unrealistic even if it was put in her chart that she would get to go first...The timing has to be so perfect...it just can't always be done.
The patients/family members will always be clueless as to staff shortages, as if we tell either of them we're short of staff (yes, two aides can call off the same shift) we're fired! Telling them that we're short-staffed raises fear, that's the reason it's forbidden.

Those nites we were short, with 33 patients to attend to, that's all I need is for a family member (some sleep over) to put their loved one at the top of my priority list. And, during one of those nights, that's all we need is to have someone call a Blue Code on another hall, and simultaneously, someone slips out the door and we're all obligated to search within a mile radius of the facility!
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Old 08-22-2011, 04:53 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,506,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanygirl View Post
Work a couple shifts on a locked unit for patients with dementia...that's where those types are.
That's a shame. It's also where the ex is. I don't care for her but I do care about her. After all, she is the mother of my children. She's only 60. I hope she's getting proper care.
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Old 08-25-2011, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,991,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanygirl View Post
That statement is so naive...Everyone wants their Mom to go the bathroom first!!! Especially after meals. But it is unrealistic even if it was put in her chart that she would get to go first...The timing has to be so perfect...it just can't always be done. And if you want her to be gotten up earlier in the morning to go to the bathroom she may be gotten up by the nightshift staff as early as 530 or 6am because you asked for that. Meanwhile she is sitting in her chair (because timewise it doesn't make sense to put her back to bed) til breakfast from the time she got up until 8am and then after breakfast she may or not get put back to bed or toileted right away.
Not sure I follow you but I worked my way through college by working in hospitals as a top level nurses' aid. We had no problem then (or much more recently, with my ex's mother) making simple requests that were put into the chart--like "bathroom before 8" or "please keep such and such within reach." We never expected anyone would go to the bathroom "first." The families in the hospitals that did not whine or complain but were tactful and quiet, but insistent, were rarely denied a reasonable request, and these were the days of short-staffing when as an aid I did everything the nurses did except dispense meds and set an IV.

With my MIL (and also her mother), we brought flowers and candy not as a "bribe" but as something cheerful to spread around and share. Knowing the aids by first name was a big help. Yes, they were overworked so we kept requests to an absolute minimum but were never denied. My ex's grandmother who fell in the bathroom and wasn't discovered for at least hour and was badly injured in her fall--we made absolute sure she was escorted every time she had to go (that would have made a fine lawsuit had we decided to go that route). If I remember correctly it may have been put in as a doctor's order. That said, perhaps we lucked out with great nursing homes.
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Old 08-25-2011, 04:36 PM
 
Location: California
4,556 posts, read 5,476,905 times
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At my aunt's facility, her jewelry quickly disappeared - what a surprise.

When I took her food the staff would pass it out to all the patients (and themselves)...big no, no because of unknown food reactions. I mentioned that on Sunday I would go to our local farmers market at the end to pick up donated unsold food for our local senior center. Suddenly, I was pressured to donate the food to them, which I refused as they charge big bucks. Another patient family member also complained to me as she was removing her mom that she had also been pressured to "donate" extra food for the house in addition to her monthly charges.

When my aunt protested food that looked more like vomit (no exageration - I saw it myself) she was given someone else's meds to knock her out for the day. One of the workers told me my aunt was cold at night so she would crawl in bed with her....OMG, what was that all about?

Really, it is more than I can can remember without a lot of pain. In this county, the only thing they care about is that the old person isn't out on the street. I totally understand why someone would not want to continue life in those places.
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Old 08-26-2011, 10:50 AM
 
Location: SoCal
6,075 posts, read 9,540,537 times
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I have no children and no relatives who live nearby. I am also blessed/cursed with "Aunt Alice genes". My Aunt Alice was in a very good LTC facility for many years. When she was 94 she told us all she was well ready and hoping to pass on. It took four more years, though.

I expect I'll end up in an LTC. So what I plan to do is to arrange my affairs, including a DNR order. Then arrange to pay someone to visit me for 5 minutes at least once a day, and spend a half-day with me at least once a week. This is to make sure the LTC knows that someone is watching, because I do believe even at the best of them, that they get so busy that the residents do get neglected from time to time, unless someone speaks up for them.
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Old 08-26-2013, 08:03 PM
 
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Baby boomers may have no one to care for them in old age - latimes.com










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