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Old 08-20-2011, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,119 posts, read 7,568,813 times
Reputation: 6217

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once a week seems like alot to me, most won't get that..
Don't know your circumstances but from your post you sound kinda bitter, maybee I'm reading it wrong..
Some self examination might be needed, but moving is your choice, not his......
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,170 posts, read 8,694,591 times
Reputation: 6167
Smile An only child

Quote:
Originally Posted by kruzinkate View Post
Not retired yet, but hoping to be so in the next few years. My son and his significant other live about 30 minutes from us (they have no children). I never thought I would want to move very far from him, as he is an only child. He treats us like we are strangers, and just doesn't have time for us. Does anyone else have this problem? He stops by once a week or so, but it seems like he does it because he "has too" and not because he wants too. I am torn between telling him to pound salt or just letting him hurt us over and over. Any thoughts? Part of me just wants to move to a warm climate and leave him here (like he would care!)
As the wife of an only child, we tried to include my husband's parents in as many activities as possible. They were quiet people, used to being alone by that time, and my family was larger. Have you told your son to include you in their activities (holidays, etc)? It just depends on the family dynamics.

My husband's family had no one in the area, relatives were in the north, all communication done by mail. (Phone calls were too expensive).

We got to the point where we invited them to everything but my MIL once told me there were too many people there. Now, when it was just my parents and the two of them, they loved it (and of course, our children). So, I feel fortunate we had many times like that. (I miss those times and I knew as time passed, those times would come to an end). Our children were in their teens when their grandmother passed away.

We have not moved b/c the thought of my FIL being alone here is still a concern. My husband goes every week and helps him with the house and takes him out to eat. (When I used to go, it wasn't the same - I think my FIL just wanted to be alone with his son so it is now that way).

In your case, move or if you can, keep your home and get a 2nd one where the warmer weather is and try it out. Good luck!
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:28 AM
 
13 posts, read 18,320 times
Reputation: 29
It's called unconditional love......I say if that's the way he is then ok.....I don't think it's a problem...he's not on your doorstep everyday asking for money or in trouble....be thankful for that at least.....go do your own thing....I have three boys....they are all different....one of them is kinda like your son....I'd help any of them if they asked me.....live your life the way you want.....It took me a long time to realize how special my mother was to me....she's gone now.....your son will come around one day.......I love my kids but I live my life.......
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:42 AM
 
6,253 posts, read 4,731,924 times
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When you retire you need to decide what YOU are going to do with YOUR time. Don’t plan on latching on to you son or anyone else to occupy your time.
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Old 08-21-2011, 11:28 AM
 
5,822 posts, read 13,317,177 times
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[quote=Curmudgeon;20536038
Our "sacrifices" with raising children are now, long over and this is our time to enjoy. That doesn't mean we're not here for them if the need arises but it does mean we're no longer "directly" involved and that keeps us at arm's distance from the dramas and chaos of young, growing families and leaves us with what we can enjoy about them.[/QUOTE]

Agree with you Curmudgeon; we're here for them if the need arises, but they are independent (which is the goal of most parents) healthy, happy and financially stabile. Daughter and grandchildren are 30 miles away and see them quite often. Son and family live 6 hours away, so visits are limited. We aren't always home anyway, traveling and doing "our" thing.
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Old 08-21-2011, 01:59 PM
 
4,649 posts, read 6,482,581 times
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Many parents forget at one time they were/are someone else child. How often do/did you communicate with your parents? Many people would be happy with once a month..
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Old 08-26-2011, 08:26 PM
 
12,886 posts, read 15,429,995 times
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Time to go cruising....kruzinkate!
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Old 08-27-2011, 10:38 PM
 
11,191 posts, read 10,207,207 times
Reputation: 20612
Quote:
Originally Posted by kruzinkate View Post
Not retired yet, but hoping to be so in the next few years. My son and his significant other live about 30 minutes from us (they have no children). I never thought I would want to move very far from him, as he is an only child. He treats us like we are strangers, and just doesn't have time for us. Does anyone else have this problem? He stops by once a week or so, but it seems like he does it because he "has too" and not because he wants too. I am torn between telling him to pound salt or just letting him hurt us over and over. Any thoughts? Part of me just wants to move to a warm climate and leave him here (like he would care!)
Yeah, I do. I have two. Both adults now. Used to stay in contact with me all the time but since I retired and the money tree died, they don't bother any more. It was a rude awakening to learn that I was nothing more than an ATM machine. It took me a while to get over it, but I did. And now I'm working on the next chapter of my life.

Side note: Little do they know that the old money tree may be gone but I managed to harvest a nice little crop before it died.
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Old 08-28-2011, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
1,786 posts, read 2,378,474 times
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Just my 2 cents now... I have two children... one has 2 years left of college and my son, 26, not married, no children is finishing up his masters. The younger daughter (21 not married no children) finds ways to spend time with me, my son, like yours could care less about keeping in contact and I would find it lucky if he visited me once a week. I've called and left messages in the past and never an answer back so I just do not contact him anymore.

My son does love me but I must accept him for who he is and what he wants to share. I raised my children with lots of hugs, love and affection... with support on who they were as individuals. I want to move out of state also. My daughter gave me her blessings and told me to go for it.. my son, well not sure how he feels really... I do know that both are thinking about relocating and like another person posted, we can't put our lives on hold just waiting. I raised two great children and trust that my teaching will serve them well in their life decissions (I'm always a skype call away )

I strongly feel that my home is their home no matter where I hang my hat. If that is in Alaska... I know they would love it and so would I... Will I miss them... you bet!!
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Old 08-28-2011, 01:01 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,482,868 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by naturesdreams View Post
Just my 2 cents now... I have two children... one has 2 years left of college and my son, 26, not married, no children is finishing up his masters. The younger daughter (21 not married no children) finds ways to spend time with me, my son, like yours could care less about keeping in contact and I would find it lucky if he visited me once a week. I've called and left messages in the past and never an answer back so I just do not contact him anymore.

My son does love me but I must accept him for who he is and what he wants to share. I raised my children with lots of hugs, love and affection... with support on who they were as individuals. I want to move out of state also. My daughter gave me her blessings and told me to go for it.. my son, well not sure how he feels really... I do know that both are thinking about relocating and like another person posted, we can't put our lives on hold just waiting. I raised two great children and trust that my teaching will serve them well in their life decisions (I'm always a skype call away )

I strongly feel that my home is their home no matter where I hang my hat. If that is in Alaska... I know they would love it and so would I... Will I miss them... you bet!!
My wife and I have seven children and nine - gonna be 10 in a few weeks - grandchildren between us. For many years, most lived nearby; sometimes too nearby as in with us from time-to-time.

Finally we downsized and announced the closure of the Youth Hostel and the Bank of Mom and Dad. When there was a REAL need we were there but that still occurred too often. Tough love was in order.

Two years ago we moved 2,000 miles away - not to avoid the children and grands but to follow a dream. Dontcha know, the requested withdrawals from the "bank" kept coming from two or three and we said, "No!" We certainly heard about it from the ungrateful but it rolls off like water from a duck's back. No enabling irresponsible behavior.

Of my five children, all are now delightfully independent and my oldest could buy and sell us many times over. My wife's two still struggle but we've held the tough love line and that's just how it's going to be.

Our home is a place where all are welcome to visit but none are welcome to stay past the "fish" stage. That's over! I'm particularly not fond of drama and it has no place in our home or our lives. These are our "golden" years and our "gold" is for us to enjoy them.
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