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Old 01-19-2016, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mishmom View Post
I recently left. Really recently. I am still going through the angst and the "what have I done?!" phase. And my reason was intolerable behavior... if a magic fairy could wave a wand and he could become that guy I fell in love with so many years ago I would go back. But sadly no fairies, no wands and little to no faith that he would ever admit to being at least semi-responsible for this breakup. Every time I miss him or feel weak the thought of returning makes me come to my senses when I realize that living that way was killing me. I just hope that someday it really does get easier than this.
You're probably experiencing some kind of post-trauma. If you're financially set, you'll slowly recover and become part of the "human race" with new friendships. Nearly every female friend I have at this age is single through divorce. Somehow they adjusted over time and one can hardly imagine them married. To be married was a socially enforced convention played out. I've read and heard that people (and animals) are not biologically built to stay with the same partner forever. Those who are religious would argue, but that moral would be a human construct, not biological (not sure any morals are biological).

If you can sit with your pain, not dwell on it but imagine it just tagging along beside you, before you know it you'll outpace it as new things come into your life. What you have done may be an act of bravery and you can't see it as such right now.
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Old 01-19-2016, 07:15 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,388,974 times
Reputation: 16278
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishmom View Post
I recently left. Really recently. I am still going through the angst and the "what have I done?!" phase. And my reason was intolerable behavior... if a magic fairy could wave a wand and he could become that guy I fell in love with so many years ago I would go back. But sadly no fairies, no wands and little to no faith that he would ever admit to being at least semi-responsible for this breakup. Every time I miss him or feel weak the thought of returning makes me come to my senses when I realize that living that way was killing me. I just hope that someday it really does get easier than this.
Hang in there. You know you left for very valid reasons so now you have to just ride this out. Every time i have done this, once with a husband other times with toxic family or friends, I'd almost give in and resume the relationship but somehow I managed to stop myself and I am so glad I did. You just have to get through that initial adjustment phase.

Good luck with your future - it's all yours to decide how it will play out.
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Old 01-19-2016, 04:11 PM
 
197 posts, read 160,823 times
Reputation: 1122
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishmom View Post
I recently left. Really recently. I am still going through the angst and the "what have I done?!" phase. And my reason was intolerable behavior... if a magic fairy could wave a wand and he could become that guy I fell in love with so many years ago I would go back. But sadly no fairies, no wands and little to no faith that he would ever admit to being at least semi-responsible for this breakup. Every time I miss him or feel weak the thought of returning makes me come to my senses when I realize that living that way was killing me. I just hope that someday it really does get easier than this.
Mishmom, I was thinking about you and wondering how you are doing.

You have joined a new sorority, those of us who made huge relationship changes in later life.

You are experiencing a difficult time right now because you are in the mourning phase of what used to be.
This is so normal. By making this huge decision you will not reach your much later years wondering, "what if" and regretting the wasted time.

Many of us here sympathize with your pain right now and would like to reassure you that it will pass and you have life ahead of you with many unknown possibilities.

Keep in touch!
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Old 01-19-2016, 04:43 PM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12805
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishmom View Post
I recently left. Really recently. I am still going through the angst and the "what have I done?!" phase. And my reason was intolerable behavior... if a magic fairy could wave a wand and he could become that guy I fell in love with so many years ago I would go back. But sadly no fairies, no wands and little to no faith that he would ever admit to being at least semi-responsible for this breakup. Every time I miss him or feel weak the thought of returning makes me come to my senses when I realize that living that way was killing me. I just hope that someday it really does get easier than this.
It is always hard at first. One day at a time.
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Old 01-21-2016, 03:55 AM
 
Location: SC
1,959 posts, read 1,163,627 times
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I think I need to subscribe this thread. "50's and looking at divorce."
My new marriage...married my husband in 2013...we are both in our 50's. He just went through a very emotionally devastating year last year. The death of his father, and 2 really good friends....along with job craziness. He was very emotionally unstable, for most of 2015.
Well, a young lady, 32 with 2 teenagers..latched on to him and manipulated him badly. I suspected things were going on, but as I was a so-called "friend" of hers now, by her request...she, and he, denied everything. I found out on Dec 14th. I had proof, like a slap in the face.

We are still sorting out the fallout.
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Old 01-21-2016, 07:30 AM
 
27 posts, read 25,209 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by moxiegal View Post
I think I need to subscribe this thread. "50's and looking at divorce."
My new marriage...married my husband in 2013...we are both in our 50's. He just went through a very emotionally devastating year last year. The death of his father, and 2 really good friends....along with job craziness. He was very emotionally unstable, for most of 2015.
Well, a young lady, 32 with 2 teenagers..latched on to him and manipulated him badly. I suspected things were going on, but as I was a so-called "friend" of hers now, by her request...she, and he, denied everything. I found out on Dec 14th. I had proof, like a slap in the face.

We are still sorting out the fallout.

Well, can't really blame the guy. I doubt she "manipulated" him. She is probably just able to give him what he wanted .... what he wasn't getting at home. Guys in their 50's still need the lovey dovey.
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Old 01-21-2016, 09:07 AM
 
Location: SC
1,959 posts, read 1,163,627 times
Reputation: 3181
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrluckycharms View Post
Well, can't really blame the guy. I doubt she "manipulated" him. She is probably just able to give him what he wanted .... what he wasn't getting at home. Guys in their 50's still need the lovey dovey.
Excuse me? He is getting plenty of sex at home. 2x daily weekends, and weekday mornings before work, and weeknights if he has the energy.
I am 53...I STILL NEED THE LOVE.
How can you even ASSUME he isn't getting any lovey dovey at home?
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Old 01-21-2016, 10:44 AM
 
27 posts, read 25,209 times
Reputation: 110
Well ..... he just wants her for whatever reason. You have to understand. Men are shallow. Men are pigs.
Men are opportunistic. And I am a man!!! It is what it is. She is 32. You are in your 50's. HE's probably more interested in lust then love. You need to deal with it or else spend endless hours .
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:15 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,885,151 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrluckycharms View Post
Well, can't really blame the guy. I doubt she "manipulated" him. She is probably just able to give him what he wanted .... what he wasn't getting at home. Guys in their 50's still need the lovey dovey.
Very true statement. For some reason a lot of women become ....." not interested in sex, and that means with you" " I still love you and after 40 years , that should be enough" " that may change I may become interested in sex with you again" .........that was my case, no sex for 12 years, why I did not divorce her is even more strange. I still think about it, but at 74 the security is hard to give up ( she brings in good money from a small business that I retired from 15 years ago ) . One loanly guy I remain.
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:39 PM
 
2,735 posts, read 3,267,449 times
Reputation: 4093
We divorced after 25 years of marriage. The first 15 were bliss. The last 10 were painfully miserable. I hung in there for my [near adulthood] children whom I could not fathom leaving in the hands of a perpetually nagging woman who had become emotionally unstable after menopause. Once the children became adults, I walked away and got a divorce.

Cost of the divorce?

What she got:
A LOT! She got the house which I and only I paid for, plus >$1500/mo for life.

But you know what, divorces are expensive for one darn good reason: BECAUSE THEY'RE WORTH IT!

What I got:
Peace of mind. Tranquility. A new partner whom is emotionally stable, intelligent, professional, lovely inside and head-turning gorgeous outside; a woman whom I seriously look forward to coming home to each day; a travel buddy whom I have and will continue to travel with; a friend whom is sweet, gentle and filled with much inner peace.

If I had to link a song to my divorce it would be that recent popular song by the all-girl group Fifth Harmony which says . . . "Baby, I'm WORTH it!"


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