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Old 09-01-2011, 08:02 AM
 
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A lot of marriages don't last due to numerous reasons, but I think a main one is when a spouse has to travel way too much for a job. When a spouse is gone for weeks to months at a time, that sooner or later will affect the marriage.......IMO. My ex was proud of me being an EMT (back in the 70's) and helping people, but the nights away from home (all day/night) sure didn't help our marriage.
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Old 09-01-2011, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post

While I have relationship with the younger ones, they're not close. I thought my youngest daughter and I were close right until she got married a month ago and asked the sister she was raised with to walk her down the aisle. We didn't attend and in a way, she discouraged us from doing so.

Oh, well. Three out of five ain't bad
I have a similar story to tell with my only daughter. She was the second diagnosed case of lyme disease in the state of PA. Back then they gave you a week of penicillin and sent you off--- Just enough to suppress the symptoms.

We are convinced that it was the lyme that turned her. She went from being the most delightful child you could ever know to some kind of bi-polar disorder over a period of about 10 years. Now... she is married lives far away, and continually harps on her father as the one who caused every bad thing in her life. We were not invited to her wedding, and told not to try to come. She still communicates with her mother, but no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I remain villified at a legendary level villian. I think about it every day and wish I could get back the little girl before lyme disease took her away.
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Old 09-01-2011, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,682,513 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
What I was curious about is how many couples that are still married after 30 plus years are STILL happy with each other? I do have one classmate on Facebook who very, very seldom says anything about her husband that she's been marred to since the mid 70's. My wife's sister's marriage has been pretty non-existent for the last 10 yrs and they've been married over 40 yrs. Sometimes it's just never really known how good or bad the marriage is, even with couples that have been married for years and years!
My daughter's marriage was kinda like that. She married a real jerk and they've been married over 20 years now. He's never had a real job and when his dad died he inherited around 2.5 mil. In less than ten years he was broke but while they had it he was a real penny pincher with HER. She wasn't 'allowed' to have her own credit cards, she had to buy curtains, etc. for the house out of her household allowance and so much more. He bought himself every toy he had ever wanted. She did leave him once but went back. Over the years she finally developed a backbone and just decided she'd do what she wanted. She got a job and has advanced up the ladder over the years. She home schooled their daughter until this year when she started high school. I sometimes think she stayed with him just so she could say she was the only one of my kids to NOT get divorced. Her two boys are grown and out on their own and the daughter the only one left at home but I think she'll stay with Mr. Jerk till the bitter end. NOBODY in the family can stand the guy, and she knows it, and I'm not sure she can either but she stays.
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Old 09-01-2011, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
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Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
A lot of marriages don't last due to numerous reasons, but I think a main one is when a spouse has to travel way too much for a job. When a spouse is gone for weeks to months at a time, that sooner or later will affect the marriage.......IMO. My ex was proud of me being an EMT (back in the 70's) and helping people, but the nights away from home (all day/night) sure didn't help our marriage.
I think that depends on the people involved and how they handle it. My ex worked for the US Forest Service for ten years. He was gone up to 7 months a year, every year. People would ask me "How do you stand it?". Well, I figured it was no worse than being a military wife and I did see him once in a while during that time. I once figured out he was gone 60 months of those ten years, so 5 years. I did what I had to do...worked, took care of things at home and waited for him to come home. I even bought a house one year while he was gone...had to have his Power of Attorney but it worked well. His being gone all that time didn't affect our marriage badly and, honestly, I kinda liked having all that time to do what I wanted. I used to joke that yes, I missed him, but the paycheck came to ME! lol By the time he came home I had enough in savings that he didn't have to work through the winter, if he didn't want to, but he usually did. He was also a fireman/paramedic with our local fire dept. and was often gone for that too. We had some wonderful fall/winter vacations during those years and enjoyed our time together when we had it. I did hear other wives moan and groan about having to "do it all" but I always thought that was pretty weak. You do what you have to do.
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Old 09-01-2011, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PatRoy1 View Post
10 years? Having a hard time fathoming 10 years of waiting for someone to change. 10 years of grieving. Keep rereading this post to make sure I have it straight.

I admire such patience and determination.
Don't admire it too much. Honestly, I waited too long and wasted too many years. But when I got married it was for life. I didn't want to be the one who 'split the blanket'. I had a lot to lose and I knew it. I had worked so hard for retirement, it was tough knowing that if we divorced, I would live in poverty.

With the economy the way it is today, the poverty will probably last for the rest of my life.
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Old 09-01-2011, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
What I was curious about is how many couples that are still married after 30 plus years are STILL happy with each other? I do have one classmate on Facebook who very, very seldom says anything about her husband that she's been marred to since the mid 70's. My wife's sister's marriage has been pretty non-existent for the last 10 yrs and they've been married over 40 yrs. Sometimes it's just never really known how good or bad the marriage is, even with couples that have been married for years and years!
Sometimes it's easier to just stay married than to change. And I'll bet more than one or 2 couples stay together for financial reasons as well.
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Old 09-02-2011, 09:04 AM
 
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There would have been NO WAY that my wife (now) could have been married to me when I was in the Navy during Nam........and she told me that. She couldn't have handled a 6-month absence of me while I was deployed. That was pretty much the reason I never had a girlfriend, fiance or got married while in the Service......I couldn't handle it either! It was hard enough handling the times each of us were in a hospital due to surgeries and away from each other all night!
As far as the comment "I kinda liked having all that time to do what I wanted" can (I did say "can") sound like beomg single and married at the same time. I've read about women who love their "OTR truck driving man" because he's not around all the time and they girlfriend (or wife) can do what they want to, when they want to, which can mean......going out with the gals to a bar/nightclub on a Fri/Sat night. One career where the divorce rate can be very high is being a "traveling sales person". People hear about Hollywood divorces a lot and a lot of them are due to a one being at home while the other one is on a set somewhere filming a movie. A lot of times "trust" goes right out the window because loniness/sex come into mind and take over.
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Old 09-02-2011, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
There would have been NO WAY that my wife (now) could have been married to me when I was in the Navy during Nam........and she told me that. She couldn't have handled a 6-month absence of me while I was deployed. That was pretty much the reason I never had a girlfriend, fiance or got married while in the Service......I couldn't handle it either! It was hard enough handling the times each of us were in a hospital due to surgeries and away from each other all night!
I believe in the old adage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Also, each partner should know how to cook a meal for one.
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:32 PM
 
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Not for us at all! Actually, both of us had "clingy" type personalities and that is one thing that really drew us together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I believe in the old adage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Also, each partner should know how to cook a meal for one.
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Old 09-02-2011, 09:37 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,682,513 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
There would have been NO WAY that my wife (now) could have been married to me when I was in the Navy during Nam........and she told me that. She couldn't have handled a 6-month absence of me while I was deployed. That was pretty much the reason I never had a girlfriend, fiance or got married while in the Service......I couldn't handle it either! It was hard enough handling the times each of us were in a hospital due to surgeries and away from each other all night!
As far as the comment "I kinda liked having all that time to do what I wanted" can (I did say "can") sound like beomg single and married at the same time. I've read about women who love their "OTR truck driving man" because he's not around all the time and they girlfriend (or wife) can do what they want to, when they want to, which can mean......going out with the gals to a bar/nightclub on a Fri/Sat night. One career where the divorce rate can be very high is being a "traveling sales person". People hear about Hollywood divorces a lot and a lot of them are due to a one being at home while the other one is on a set somewhere filming a movie. A lot of times "trust" goes right out the window because loniness/sex come into mind and take over.
I'm glad you said "can" because, believe me, what I meant by being able "to do what I wanted" NEVER included going out, clubbing...anytime!...or anything like that. What it did mean was that I could spend my days off out of town visiting my parents, family, kids and grandkids without worrying that my husband "couldn't get along without me". But then he wasn't that "type" anyway and he never minded me doing all that. *I* was the one who worried about being away too much, not him. In fact he enjoyed having his OWN 'alone time' without me sometimes. And we had a very good marriage and were happy, at the time. Doing what I wanted also meant I could spend as much time at my job as I wanted and since I truly loved my job...I wore many hats and stayed incredibly busy...it was all good.

I think it's up to the individual and what kind of person they are, deep down, whether or not a marriage with long absences can endure and be successful. My own marriage didn't end because of the long absences but other things. I wasn't a young woman when I was married to him. I was in my 40s and 50s so my interests, whether he was there or not, were nothing like a 20 somethings would have been. Also, I had been single nearly ten years before I married him and I was quite independent...so was he. We didn't need to be together alllll the time to be happy.
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