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Old 10-12-2013, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,627 posts, read 4,468,721 times
Reputation: 9050

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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
If everyone doesn't mind I'd rather hear the accounts of folks who have divorced over the age of 55-60, thanks....
My ex-wife and I divorced about three years ago, maybe four. I was 58-59 then, (not exactly sure). The divorce was my idea because it was difficult to live with constant complaints, criticism, and lack of any intimacy, emotional and physical. It was a surprise to learn that she had re-married less than a month later. Don't know the situation because the fellow she married lives several hundred miles away from where we lived. I don't think they even live together because he works up in the Sacramento area and she purchased a house in Moreno Valley, (Southern California), and works in that area. I'm pretty convinced that there was no infidelity, but you never know. I suspect it was a marriage-of-convenience so that she could get medical coverage.

The divorce bothers me from time to time because it was at my initiation and my spiritual beliefs say that divorce is wrong, especially for no other reason other than I'm just unhappy. Now at 62+ and making plans for retirement in a few years and where I'll spend it, I don't expect to ever marry again. There is no way I would take a woman away from her family and grandchildren.
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Old 10-12-2013, 09:57 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,892,617 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by volosong View Post
My ex-wife and I divorced about three years ago, maybe four. I was 58-59 then, (not exactly sure). The divorce was my idea because it was difficult to live with constant complaints, criticism, and lack of any intimacy, emotional and physical. It was a surprise to learn that she had re-married less than a month later. Don't know the situation because the fellow she married lives several hundred miles away from where we lived. I don't think they even live together because he works up in the Sacramento area and she purchased a house in Moreno Valley, (Southern California), and works in that area. I'm pretty convinced that there was no infidelity, but you never know. I suspect it was a marriage-of-convenience so that she could get medical coverage.

The divorce bothers me from time to time because it was at my initiation and my spiritual beliefs say that divorce is wrong, especially for no other reason other than I'm just unhappy. Now at 62+ and making plans for retirement in a few years and where I'll spend it, I don't expect to ever marry again. There is no way I would take a woman away from her family and grandchildren.
The toughest part is the 35 years when there were good times.....I am consigned about being alone too , but I know it is the right thing to do. Beleave me it gets worse he older you get. You did the right thing, which I had at 62.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:17 AM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
Reputation: 20505
Late in life second marriages do not take someone away from family and grandchildren. I'm not sure why you'd say that. Presumably, the hypothetical woman would be living alone, divorced or widowed and children grown with the grandchildren young. How would coupling "take her away?" Any adult who is free to make a new life is free to find companionship and make new commitments.
Did I misunderstand?
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,627 posts, read 4,468,721 times
Reputation: 9050
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Late in life second marriages do not take someone away from family and grandchildren. I'm not sure why you'd say that. Presumably, the hypothetical woman would be living alone, divorced or widowed and children grown with the grandchildren young. How would coupling "take her away?" Any adult who is free to make a new life is free to find companionship and make new commitments.
Did I misunderstand?
Let me try to explain better, if I even can. First, I am a man and realize that family, (children and grandchildren), are usually more important to a woman than they are to a man. Of course, there are exceptions. There always are. But in general, I think it would be easier for a man to leave family than a woman.

Second, my parents raised their six children to be pretty independent. That is a mixed blessing. On one hand, we can get along just fine by ourselves. On the other hand, it has been proven difficult for us to build strong interpersonal, intimate relationships.

Then is the lifestyle I'll probably be living when I retire in a couple more years. First thing I'll do is sell the house and move to a different state. It's just too expensive in my current state, which is not a problem with my current low-six figure income. Then, the political balance has changed to where I don't agree with the direction of the state. As they say, "I'll be voting with my feet".

Once I'm settled some place else, that will only be my home base. The next thing on the agenda is another cross-country bicycle trip. Last time, in 1995, I went from east to west. That was difficult. Next time, it will be west to east, like most everyone does. It's going to take 4-5 weeks. What late 60's woman would be willing to do something like that? Not many, I think. Even now, in my early 60's I know of no woman my age who is willing to push herself physically like I push myself. Not many women my age are willing to just pull off to the side of the road when it is too dark to continue and roll open a sleeping bag to hunker down for the night. Or, trek several miles across the desert, far from any road, just to get to an imaginary point on a map where there is nothing there, (the intersection of even degrees of latitude and longitude, called a confluence point). I'm just too weird.

In addition to oddball adventures, I want to take a myriad of classes in college. Stuff like physics because that explains why and how stuff works. And, I expect to be jumping back and forth between various continents. It is just too big and wondrous of a world out there to not experience it. Watching stuff on the Discovery Channel and the Travel Channel is nice, but doesn't compare to actually visiting a place, interacting with the locals, and really learn about different cultures.

So, I expect my retired life to be a little crazy and am not naive enough to believe that there is a woman out there as crazy and I am. This will work until I'm physically unable to do anything. Then my daughter has instructions to just push me out into the ocean on my kayak with two weeks of food and bid me farewell and watch as I paddle out into the sunset.

p.s. I see by your screen name that dogs are special to you. I lost my faithful companion last summer, (the one before the summer that just finished). He was such a good dog and companion. I heard him bark more in his dreamy sleep than I ever did when he was awake. He was the perfect dog. Would follow me around the house from room to room and just plop himself down at my feet when I sat down. He was a Japanese Chin. I would get another dog again in a microsecond, but I don't know where life will take me in a couple more years.
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:29 AM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,088,666 times
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I was 55 and my ex-husband was 56 when we separated in 2008, and then divorced in 2009. I don't think our age had a thing to do with it and really was no part of our decision. I left him after many unhappy years. He in turn immediately began looking online for someone and about a year later married a woman from the Phillippines and brought her to the US. Going through the divorce and child custody battles was absolutely horrible, but I have never regretted leaving. Divorce is very very hard and brings out the very worse in people. I saw my ex say and do things I would have NEVER thought he ever would, very hurtful.
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Old 10-15-2013, 07:32 AM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
Reputation: 20505
To Volosong,
Maybe some good woman would wish you well on your bike trip, meet up for some smaller adventures, stay home while you adventure on your own. Same with classes or whatever else you think to do. Do you think all women are staying home knitting booties for the grand babes and nothing else, or has that been your actual experience?

Maybe I say this because I've never had children and have no family to be taken away from and have made all my thoughts or plans based on the reality of few relationships and none on the horizon. You can only plan with what you know. I understand that. My vague thought has been that if anyone did surface in life (I don't search...) I'd be bored by a father/grandfather, even if he did spend his life doing right by those kids, and he wouldn't understand how oblivious I am to those connections. We are not all doting grandmothers!

My household of rescue dogs keeps me from any dramatic plans, but that's my choice. When I take my annual horseback trips out West (and might like more than annual in retirement) I board them, and it's the most expensive part of my trips, but at present, they are worth it to me. I only adopt seniors, so there's a lot of... changes... with time.
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Old 02-16-2014, 10:51 AM
 
101 posts, read 134,586 times
Reputation: 69
My only advice is that people who wish to divorce at this state in life should prepare for it with years of advance. Otherwise it can get very messy.
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Old 02-16-2014, 12:29 PM
 
1,107 posts, read 1,876,382 times
Reputation: 1573
My husband of 27 years developed early onset dementia after a non-cancerous brain tumor. I never thought I would divorce him but he became too much to deal with, the relationship was one-sided for over 15 years, and he literally asked to go to a group home. I divorced him because I could no longer care for him. I had to begin to take care of myself. He is in a group home now. He calls too much.
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Old 02-16-2014, 10:41 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,892,617 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phosphorus View Post
My only advice is that people who wish to divorce at this state in life should prepare for it with years of advance. Otherwise it can get very messy.
The way I see it, if you plan for the divorce years in advance , maybe you should not have got married in the first place.
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Old 02-17-2014, 02:41 AM
 
101 posts, read 134,586 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
The way I see it, if you plan for the divorce years in advance , maybe you should not have got married in the first place.
I meant just a few years, not decades.
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