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Old 08-31-2011, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,775 posts, read 11,878,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
My ex, after we were separated...

his best friend/employer died unexpectedly, so my soon-to-be-ex and the widow immediately began dating a few weeks after his death....they got married a few yrs later.
Wow! Were they involved before her husband died?? That was awfully fast.
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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I wanted to post the website that helped me through quite a few rough times... www.divorce360.com A lot of helpful articles and perspectives from both sides of the "coin"...
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Old 08-31-2011, 09:06 PM
 
Location: New Orleans Louisiana
156 posts, read 387,378 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
This is a really interesting situation. So you never legally remarried? Are you now "a couple" or more like housemates? Are you each leaving each other anything (or to the kids, if you have them)?
No we never remarried. I think we are finished with that. Our son is grown and he lives only a few houses away with our granddaughter. We do some things as a couple. We both love seeing our grandchild so the convenience of all of us being nearby is really nice. Of course, we help each other at times. Most important of all I guess is that we have respect for each other. Although we were divorced, I never stopped caring about how she was doing. I hesitate to say too much about it because it would only be from my perspective, and one-sided stories are often so unfair. Time and age have a way of rearranging what is important with respect to unfulfilled expectations. We have some laughs about it (our situation) and I am sure give some others, (who know about us), the same. I guess the best way to describe it might be... it is.... what it is....and no...I did not change anything(as far as beneficiaries)...after we were divorced. I have never asked her if she did or not.
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Old 08-31-2011, 10:11 PM
 
Location: SW MO
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I never stopped caring ABOUT the ex but I certainly don't care FOR her.
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Old 09-01-2011, 05:32 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 21,937,686 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GregoryS View Post
No we never remarried. I think we are finished with that. Our son is grown and he lives only a few houses away with our granddaughter. We do some things as a couple. We both love seeing our grandchild so the convenience of all of us being nearby is really nice. Of course, we help each other at times. Most important of all I guess is that we have respect for each other. Although we were divorced, I never stopped caring about how she was doing. I hesitate to say too much about it because it would only be from my perspective, and one-sided stories are often so unfair. Time and age have a way of rearranging what is important with respect to unfulfilled expectations. We have some laughs about it (our situation) and I am sure give some others, (who know about us), the same. I guess the best way to describe it might be... it is.... what it is....and no...I did not change anything(as far as beneficiaries)...after we were divorced. I have never asked her if she did or not.
It would be interesting to know if your changed legal status has alleviated the problems that led you to divorce. I have sometimes thought about getting back with my ex, just to live together, but think that the essential (noncommunication) issues would remain and make me sad/unfulfilled.
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Old 09-01-2011, 06:27 AM
 
699 posts, read 1,703,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
I told him back in 1998, that he had 10 years to change and he didn't. I'm sure he didn't believe that I would actually walk the talk. Until it happened, I wasn't sure I could do it either! 2008 came and I packed up my car and moved 2500 miles cross country alone. I had 10 years to grieve and consider my options.
10 years? Having a hard time fathoming 10 years of waiting for someone to change. 10 years of grieving. Keep rereading this post to make sure I have it straight.

I admire such patience and determination.
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Old 09-01-2011, 06:51 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,394,969 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PatRoy1 View Post
10 years? Having a hard time fathoming 10 years of waiting for someone to change. 10 years of grieving. Keep rereading this post to make sure I have it straight.
For me it was about 15 years of convincing myself that it was simply a passing issue and she'd get back to who I thought she was in time. She didn't and then left me at the 25 year mark. Strangely, she filed for legal separation, only. Thankfully, I came to my senses and counter-filed for divorce. She actively and bitterly hated me ever since which was strange as she already had someone else in the wings. I have to think her ire came from the fact that I took control away from her. Now she's fully in early-onset dementia at age 60 and likely wouldn't even recognize me though I've known her since she was 18 months old.
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Old 09-01-2011, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 21,937,686 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
For me it was about 15 years of convincing myself that it was simply a passing issue and she'd get back to who I thought she was in time. She didn't and then left me at the 25 year mark. Strangely, she filed for legal separation, only. Thankfully, I came to my senses and counter-filed for divorce. She actively and bitterly hated me ever since which was strange as she already had someone else in the wings. I have to think her ire came from the fact that I took control away from her. Now she's fully in early-onset dementia at age 60 and likely wouldn't even recognize me though I've known her since she was 18 months old.
I am so sorry for the tragedy you have described. Thankfully you were able to come through it (I am reminded of DH Lawrence collection of poems: "Look, We Have Come Through").
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Old 09-01-2011, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Heading Northwest In Nevada
8,913 posts, read 20,311,796 times
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What I was curious about is how many couples that are still married after 30 plus years are STILL happy with each other? I do have one classmate on Facebook who very, very seldom says anything about her husband that she's been marred to since the mid 70's. My wife's sister's marriage has been pretty non-existent for the last 10 yrs and they've been married over 40 yrs. Sometimes it's just never really known how good or bad the marriage is, even with couples that have been married for years and years!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
When I went to my 50th class reunion...Class of 1960...I was happily surprised how many marriages had 'made it'. Plenty of widows/widowers though.
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Old 09-01-2011, 07:57 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,394,969 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I am so sorry for the tragedy you have described. Thankfully you were able to come through it (I am reminded of DH Lawrence collection of poems: "Look, We Have Come Through").
Thanks. The worst part of it was, and remains, she severely and relentlessly alienated my two youngest daughters from me over the course of 12-13 years. They were the only two left at home. She tried with the older three as well but that only succeeded for a year or two.

While I have relationship with the younger ones, they're not close. I thought my youngest daughter and I were close right until she got married a month ago and asked the sister she was raised with to walk her down the aisle. We didn't attend and in a way, she discouraged us from doing so.

Oh, well. Three out of five ain't bad
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