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Old 09-11-2011, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,782,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wwanderer View Post
I personally feel that I have resolved many of the issues that affected my life and behaviour when I was younger--I overcame debilitating low self-esteem as well as paralyzing shyness to have a successful and interesting career, and to be much more relaxed and easy meeting new people and functioning socially.

For example, I could, at the height of my career, get up and make a speech, or function well at a board meeting where I had to present reports or at a sales meeting where I had to explain production functionality.

This from someone who, after graduating from university with honours, refused to consider a graduate degree because I would have to function in small-group seminars, or even tutor a group of students. I also refused to go to teacher's college for the same reason.

It took years, and lots of work personally, but I really feel like I changed fundamentally.
Congrats to you!
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Old 09-11-2011, 12:01 PM
 
4,496 posts, read 4,761,538 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu View Post
40 years in Mental health services: except in only very rare instances, and up against impossible difficulties, people never change. They may change for a little while, but they always go back to old habits.

It takes an enormous personal and mental effort to change, and humans simply do not have that fortitude. And the older they get, the less mental effort they have available to change.

I agree with this. I have also worked in mental health, on an inpatient psych unit, and have seen some of the same people coming back for over 20yrs. They do the same destructive things... booze, drugs, poor relationships, etc., I'm not talking about psychotic people but the average poor coping person. No matter how many times they go through this they turn around and do the same thiings, over and over and over. A LOT of people understand what needs to be done to change but it takes
constant effort, being conscious 24/7 to change.

I know this is different then the typical "evoling and aging" but basically I don't see a lot of people actually changing dramatically at all.
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Old 09-11-2011, 01:07 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,547,683 times
Reputation: 29083
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
I agree with this. I have also worked in mental health, on an inpatient psych unit, and have seen some of the same people coming back for over 20yrs. They do the same destructive things... booze, drugs, poor relationships, etc., I'm not talking about psychotic people but the average poor coping person. No matter how many times they go through this they turn around and do the same thiings, over and over and over. A LOT of people understand what needs to be done to change but it takes
constant effort, being conscious 24/7 to change.

I know this is different then the typical "evoling and aging" but basically I don't see a lot of people actually changing dramatically at all.
Well, if they expect to get different results then they are, in fact, mentally ill.
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Old 09-11-2011, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
3,467 posts, read 2,261,867 times
Reputation: 36612
Default Do people change over time?

One of the things I love about this C-D forum is that it really makes me think! I've never been particularly introspective, but questions like this make me examine my life as I never have before.

I'm not sure I've changed very much from my young self, but I certainly know myself much better than I did. I also have have a much better filter when it comes to decision making. However, since I retired, I'm less inclined to do things I really don't want to do or to agree with statements I think are incorrect. I'm also more tolerant of others' foibles and less judgemental. My goal is to always be able to live with myself while living a life with no regrets.
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Old 09-13-2011, 06:39 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,020,878 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
I wanted to ask this question to those who are in retirement or close to the age specially because I know you all have lived much longer than those around my age (18) and have met and dealt with more people in your lifetime than anyone my age can even boasts and I have so much respect for you having so much wisdom and life experience to share with the younger generation.

I just wanted to know, in YOUR opinion, if people change? Their personality. Who they are and who they've revealed themselves to be over time. Do you think there is a specific age or cut-off time where we stop developing (personality-wise) and become that personality for all time? Going through life and the motions and learning new things but still having that same base personality? In your opinion and experience, what has that been like? Have you grown up with people or family that you've known since you were a kid and did their personality change? Has your own personality changed since you were younger or have you always been the same person? Describe your experiences and your own personality and temperament and of those who you've grown up with and how they have changed or not changed over time.
Rereading the OP here, and seeing that the OP is age 18, is making me rethink my response. When I was age 18, it was all about being an artist. I was in art college at that age, breathing and drinking art 24-7. Visual art, literature, music, theater....that's all there was, it was all centered around me and I was aware of every nuance of feeling and mood in myself, day to day. It was a high, though, in general. Married at 19, in many ways a big mistake. Went into several years of serious depression. I had to accommodate my free artistic spirit to another person who was not so compatible in may ways. nFast forward to age 26, when I had my first kid, and fast forward again to age 35 when I had my fourth. I sure did change, from being self centered to being a nurturer, caretaker, giver. This was fascinating and challenging and overall it took its toll--where did my artistic gifts go? So, while over the course of my life I changed to being a nurturer (mother, nonprofit caretaker, teacher), it has been very hard on me losing that solitary artistic identity, which, when you don't use it, you lose. But my underlying nature has never changed--aloof, critical (as in critique, not destructive criticism), compassionate, shy, loner, visual thinker, artistically sensitive, hypersensitive to noise, overly forgiving, and more than a little nuts. I guess I'm saying that as my role changed in life, new sides of me were forced to develop, but I'm still the same essentially as when I was 18.
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Old 09-13-2011, 06:51 AM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,359,931 times
Reputation: 1159
I'm curious about why the OP asked this question. Sounds to me like there's a story there. What's your story, OP?
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