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I am looking for some advice. My Dad is 87. I am 67. I live about 250 miles from him - about 5 hours. I see him maybe 3 times a year. Wouldn't say he is in great health, but typical for his age. He still drives, although last week he scared me half to death! I am his only living close relative and for many reasons I could not live with him. He has remarried, but wife not in that good a shape. His wife has family local to them and helps them out, like getting them to doctor when needed.
Anyway if I can sell my house, I plan on moving to a warmer climate, farther south, would probably be about 800 miles away, so my visits would be less. I am beginning to feel guilty about this. How have others handled this situation or what advice might anyone offer?
We have never been very close and don't talk that often. Trying to engage him in a conversation is difficult. He virtually never calls me. I call every 2-3 weeks to see how he is doing. I have not told him my house is sale. The reason I haven't is that it may take 2 or 3 years to sell and I didn't want to upset him, as he may not live that long.
I certainly don't see an issue here. You're not that close. You can still call him every few weeks. He and his wife have a support group where they live and planes still fly if you wish to visit so you're still only hours away.
You're too old to not do what you really want to do because of an elderly parent where there is already distance, both geographical and emotional.
Exactly! There's absolutely no reason you can't visit him just as much as you are now. From his point of view nothing will change - so there's no reason for you to feel guilty.
My mother lives 750 miles from me, my father lived 1400 miles from me. I live in Florida, and my father had a mobilehome here and my mother still does.
Both of my parents always chose to live where they wanted to live, they never consulted me or asked for my approval, as adults it was their choice. And me, as an adult the same applies, I will live where I choose.
I, in no way feel guilty. My father is deceased, however, if my mother wants to be close to me year around, she has a place. Todate, that is not her choice.
Just for the record, I could never move far away from my mother and father and grandparents, if they were of advanced age, and lived near me, and needed me.
But I think it's entirely different when you already live far away, and you're talking about just moving a little farther away. Especially since you can fly there, just as quickly as you can drive now. From your father's point of view absolutely nothing will change - he'll still see you three times a year, and still get a phone call every 3 weeks - so why feel guilty?
Do what you want to do. You can maintain contact and visits. Parents usually don't care how far away their children live. It is the contacts and visits that matter.
I'm 61 (only child) and my Mom (widowed) is 88 and has been living in FL for 14 years. I had been torn about whether I should stay here in PA or move down with her. Well, last year I came to the decision that I did not want to give up my social life up here (after all, I'm not getting any younger), and figured she was relatively self-sufficient in her own condo, so I bought a house here. Before I even closed on the house, she landed in the ER due to several falls, and it's been a medical nightmare of a year ever since. She's now in assisted-living....I had to travel down to FL three times in three months to arrange all that. I feel terribly guilty and selfish about my decision, because she was one of those mothers who would probably move cross-country for me. So I can understand your position; it's really a dilemma. But as someone mentioned above, you're already hours away from him to begin with....probably the same amount of time as a flight.
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