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Old 09-09-2011, 08:45 PM
 
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This works, too often. The flip side is ~you express genuine admiration for something as a thing of quality and beauty, and suddenly it's yours, whether you want it or not. I've ended up with stuff (crystal and sterling and china, mostly, and a few pieces of jewelry) that don't match my lifestyle or taste at all. I'm stuck with them as long as the donor is living, and then when they pass, it's my task to try to find another family member who wants them. I end up looking ungrateful.
I learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut when it comes to apparel and furniture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tek_Freek View Post
Apparently my aunt told her what I said because grandma gave me the bowl later that day because I had admired it so much. I got another beautiful bowl from her on my birthday.

Sometimes things just happen.

My point here is that if you express admiration for those items it may happen on it's own.
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Old 09-10-2011, 08:32 AM
 
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I treasure these items. I will have no problem finding a family member who will do the same when I'm gone.
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Old 09-10-2011, 09:19 AM
 
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I would never approach the relatives before death, only after, when they might be planning a yard or estate sale.
(My Father and his three brothers let all Grandkids come by and pick an item they wanted from the Grandmother's personal items. Then the 4 brothers took turns choosing items. What was left, that no one could use, or wanted, ended up being torn down with the house to make way for a doctor's office)

I feel comfortable asking-hinting to my Uncle now, but not his son's, after his death.
He is using the trash can, he can not sell it to me, or give to me, then he'd be without.
Maybe I should just figure some way to buy one from the City though my income is too low to afford one.
He has two chains saws.
I'll try sending him an e-mail.

If I was told:
"I like your yellow chain saw, it sure would come in handy, could you consider leaving that for me in your will,"
I'd think:
"whoa, I ain't going any where any time soon."
So, I do not know how he'll react.
It's $65 for a can and $60 for a rebuilt chain saw. Maybe I just buy them and forget it.
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Old 09-10-2011, 12:03 PM
 
Location: earth?
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It is a very delicate subject that must be approached with tact. It sounds like you really know your uncle and that you could have the talk with him now from the vantage point of "I love and respect you and would love to have "x" as a reminder of you when you pass on, but I don't want to offend you or the family." It is still very awkward, but if you and he have a good relationship, your sincerity should shine through.

I would be flattered if people who loved me as for reminders of me . . .
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Old 09-10-2011, 01:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
It is a very delicate subject that must be approached with tact. It sounds like you really know your uncle and that you could have the talk with him now from the vantage point of "I love and respect you and would love to have "x" as a reminder of you when you pass on, but I don't want to offend you or the family." It is still very awkward, but if you and he have a good relationship, your sincerity should shine through.

I would be flattered if people who loved me as for reminders of me . . .
everyone has good ideas.


At one time he spoke of wanting to borrow my truck loading ramps.
He goes to my storage shed, almost every time he comes over here, and shakes his head, at the deal I got on it.

I can maybe tell him:
I know he might be able to use these items, so I'm listing them with my will for him. I hope he can use them.

He knows I do not want to have to buy a dog-gone brown can. I have paid for 3 green ones, and I painted one brown, and they won't accept it.

I'll decide on something...........
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Old 09-10-2011, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
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Smile How close are you to your uncle?

Quote:
Originally Posted by howard555 View Post
ok, very helpful comments.

I think it would be far easier to ask-tell-joke to the Uncle now, versus trying to find the words to his son's afterward. I'm not exactly on my cousins list of persons. They don't call or visit me, but the Uncle does.
But, then again the Uncle might not like people thinking about his demise. However, he just left for a trip across the country to see his retired relatives, and he said it will surely be his last trip. So he periodically says he won't live forever. In reality, he is absolutely correct.
5-6 Americans die, every minute of every day.

May we all live to be 100 and defy the insurance companies who are tired of paying out medical bills. (joke)
May we all die in our homes, and in our sleep. (no joke about it)
I'm in my 50's, female and I would welcome my nieces and nephews (and children) asking me about XXX and if they could have it. I'd probably give it to them right then.

Now, my FIL is a true 100% pack rat, almost a hoarder and outside of handwritten letters and pics that my MIL did, there is nothing of value. All total total junk. He walks outside and picks up dirty pieces of paper and saves them. He is 89; we're not changing him.

Just hoping to keep him in his home as long as possible.
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Old 09-10-2011, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
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Smile You could also -

Spend time with your uncle doing this type of work and when working ask him about your using those items.....

You never know.
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Old 09-10-2011, 01:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
I'm in my 50's, female and I would welcome my nieces and nephews (and children) asking me about XXX and if they could have it. I'd probably give it to them right then.

Now, my FIL is a true 100% pack rat, almost a hoarder and outside of handwritten letters and pics that my MIL did, there is nothing of value. All total total junk. He walks outside and picks up dirty pieces of paper and saves them. He is 89; we're not changing him.

Just hoping to keep him in his home as long as possible.
Maybe I could just say, casually, how about selling me your brown yard cart and a chain saw. That at least puts the items and "me" in his mind.
Then if he "thinks" to give them to me, years down the road, then fine.
He's 88, I'm 60, and he is sharp as anyone, except for his hearing.

My mother is age 82, so if she happens to survive my Uncle, she might be able to better ask, if there is a yard or estate sale. She is close to my 3 cousins. They might get offended by someone suggesting they let strangers buy things. My Mother is a pack rat, and those are her words.

He has offered to let me borrow his chain saw.
The brown cart for limbs to be picked up by the City, he uses that.
They sell them for $65 and I have bought 3 green ones. I'm not buying a brown one. I'll burn the small limbs, etc.
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:08 PM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,071,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by howard555 View Post
He is using the trash can, he can not sell it to me, or give to me, then he'd be without.
Maybe I should just figure some way to buy one from the City though my income is too low to afford one.
He has two chains saws.
I'll try sending him an e-mail.

If I was told:
"I like your yellow chain saw, it sure would come in handy, could you consider leaving that for me in your will,"
I'd think:
"whoa, I ain't going any where any time soon."
So, I do not know how he'll react.
It's $65 for a can and $60 for a rebuilt chain saw. Maybe I just buy them and forget it.
If you're seriously trying to score a trash can and a chain saw on the downlow by waiting for him to die and give them to you, AND you're wondering how to tell that to him and his heirs, well there are no words.

Yes, just buy them and forget you had this momentary lapse in human decency. We're all entitled to one of those, you just had yours.
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Old 09-10-2011, 09:08 PM
 
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I vote for asking the uncle if you can buy those particular items, say you were always partial to them or you like the way they work or feel; and let it be as it will be.

These are only things. And your visit says a lot as well.
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