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Old 02-01-2017, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,202 posts, read 12,678,707 times
Reputation: 26577

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Two men were in the woods when they encountered a bear, one man started screaming, the other knelt down, laced his boots tightly. First man asked, what are you doing? You can't outrun that bear! Second man said, I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!


I'll be here all week folks, try the patty melt.

 
Old 02-01-2017, 08:09 AM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,516 posts, read 1,741,983 times
Reputation: 9036
Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
Two men were in the woods when they encountered a bear, one man started screaming, the other knelt down, laced his boots tightly. First man asked, what are you doing? You can't outrun that bear! Second man said, I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!


I'll be here all week folks, try the patty melt.


I'm not fond of alligators and whenever we are in areas where they may be, I'm cautious. My ever-loving son tells me the same thing: "Don't worry about it Mom, just don't be last."
 
Old 02-01-2017, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,202 posts, read 12,678,707 times
Reputation: 26577
A friend of mine had a t-shirt "Bomb technician, if you see me running try to keep up".
 
Old 02-01-2017, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,504 posts, read 4,060,173 times
Reputation: 9205
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
A man on the African savanna saw a lion. The man fell to his knees and started praying. The lion, ran over and also knelt down and started praying. The man said, "It's a true miracle!"

The lion said, "Please don't talk while I'm saying grace."
I HAVE to comment on this joke. It is one of the Best ones you have posted, IMO. I loved it!

Couldn't rep you, have to spread the "love".
 
Old 02-01-2017, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,504 posts, read 4,060,173 times
Reputation: 9205
Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
Two men were in the woods when they encountered a bear, one man started screaming, the other knelt down, laced his boots tightly. First man asked, what are you doing? You can't outrun that bear! Second man said, I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!


I'll be here all week folks, try the patty melt.
Another good one! You gave ER a "run for the money."
 
Old 02-01-2017, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,202 posts, read 12,678,707 times
Reputation: 26577
Saw on the news tonight a terrifying story, too horrible for me to even comprehend. It's hard for me to even express my complete and utter sadness at this event.


I will be strong though and I believe, NO I pray, the country gets through this troubling time.


I learned there is a, dare I say it, NATIONWIDE BACON SHORTAGE!


Oh the humanity! I will say a prayer tonight our nation gets thorough this.
 
Old 02-02-2017, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,879 posts, read 3,382,746 times
Reputation: 12638
^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! Say it isn't so!
 
Old 02-02-2017, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,724 posts, read 4,619,362 times
Reputation: 9366
Eat well, my friends, it isn't so! Just this very morning, the Coeur d'Alene Press has an article about there not being a critical bacon shortage. Prices may go up a bit until summer, but 'they' expect to be able to keep up with demand.

Link to the on-line version of the article:
The Coeur d'Alene Press - Lifestyles, Pork industry says not to worry about a bacon shortage


.
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Old 02-02-2017, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,202 posts, read 12,678,707 times
Reputation: 26577
Quote:
Originally Posted by volosong View Post
Eat well, my friends, it isn't so! Just this very morning, the Coeur d'Alene Press has an article about there not being a critical bacon shortage. Prices may go up a bit until summer, but 'they' expect to be able to keep up with demand.

Link to the on-line version of the article:
The Coeur d'Alene Press - Lifestyles, Pork industry says not to worry about a bacon shortage


.

I demand Senate hearings!
 
Old 02-03-2017, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 17,936,627 times
Reputation: 32336
The burdens some children have to bear:

Six days ago I attended a combined elementary school/middle school talent show. The two schools are more or less paired because most students from that elementary school continue on to that middle school. Many parents are professionals or ex-professionals in the entertainment industry and it shows in the incredible talent displayed by so many of the students.

At the end of the show the emcee (an adult) introduced an eighth grade girl and explained to the audience that four years ago, as a fourth grader, she was scheduled to sing in the talent show, but her mother died earlier that very day so she missed the show. Now she was returning to sing the very song she would have sung on the day of her mother's death four years previously. She sang quite well and received a standing ovation. Other middle school girls had sung equally as well, but none, nor any other act, had received a standing ovation, which was obviously given in emotional support. The student teared up at the end; her eye was not the only moist one in the auditorium.

I sought her out at school several days later and told her how much I had enjoyed her performance and how moving I had found it. I am always especially sensitive to the suffering of children; our own personal experiences in childhood sometimes mark us for life.

Going a bit off-topic (off my own topic), the most jaw-dropping act out of many extremely impressive acts was a first grade boy who played the piano. The piano was in the pit, not up on stage. It was not a sunken pit, but was in front of the stage. From where I was sitting I didn't see anyone walk to the piano. But I heard this marvelous playing, a Bach prelude, and sure enough, I could just see the top of a small head seated at the piano. I couldn't believe my ears. There is someting moving about small children who are prodigies in some way or other. I am richly blessed to be part of that school community.

Last edited by Escort Rider; 02-03-2017 at 03:48 PM..
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