U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 02-23-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,758 posts, read 4,271,197 times
Reputation: 6868

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
<snip>
I have communicated with Riverbird in one way or another since 2008 - that's a very long time. I would have like to have been able to say goodbye. Riverbird - right now I am very sad but I am also very mad at you for not sharing this.

R.I.P.
I, too, am mourning her death. My heart literally hurts and the tears still flow. I may have handled this better had I known she was ill, I don't know. If I had read one of her posts on a thread I never followed, I would have known she was ill and would have contacted her via email. I'm guessing that there are several of us taking this particularly hard and I know my pain will subside, but right now, I'm truly devastated.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-23-2017, 09:45 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,956 posts, read 1,027,273 times
Reputation: 7238
I think she was sparing herself and sparing her friends. Once people know that you have a terminal illness, normal life goes out the window. She got to be the person we "knew", loved, and respected right up to the end. Our relationship didn't change.


I understand that it is difficult for those of you who had a more personal relationship with her. I'm sure she understood it too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2017, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,865 posts, read 3,374,876 times
Reputation: 12614
^^^^^^ I agree with newcomputer.

Had she revealed her condition, would the communication between her and us remained as it had been? Or would we have focused on her illness?

I think she wanted to remain as real to us as she was able.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2017, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,693 posts, read 1,566,928 times
Reputation: 3711
I wasn't close to RiverBird as many of you were but I admired her and she has been on my mind a lot the last week. And going back and reading her posts, I did not realize that she was only 68 - I thought she was a few years older. There was one post where RiverBird talked about how her parents and in-laws lived until their 90's even through they were not health conscious whereas many of her friends who were very careful of their diet and exercise had died in their 60's of things like cancer and she wondered what was the cause of this. I did not interpret the post to mean that she was seriously ill but now it makes sense. My older sister hid her cancer from our family - we lived 1000 miles or more apart and did not find out until she died. We had suspected that something might be wrong because she had given up smoking and made excuses when we talked about visiting her. But it was still a big shock.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2017, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,182 posts, read 9,238,576 times
Reputation: 11774
Looking back over her threads, in March 2015 she started a topic about "end of life" and posted that she wondered about hospice. She said she was supporting one in particular and she listed all the attributes of that particular one.

In another thread she started, she asked us how long we all wanted to live. Her choice was much longer than what was.

I read over the DMs I got from her and all the help she gave me in trying to choose a new retirement state. Yes, I wish I had known she was sick. I am still very very sad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2017, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,865 posts, read 3,374,876 times
Reputation: 12614
In 2014, there was a thread (I believe she started it) regarding sun screen. Apparently she never used it.

Many of the answers said sun screen was very important and gave the reasons why. Mention was made of skin cancer and melanoma.

I will admit, I was surprised that she did not use it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2017, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,758 posts, read 4,271,197 times
Reputation: 6868
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQ2015 View Post
I wasn't close to RiverBird as many of you were but I admired her and she has been on my mind a lot the last week. And going back and reading her posts, I did not realize that she was only 68 - I thought she was a few years older. There was one post where RiverBird talked about how her parents and in-laws lived until their 90's even through they were not health conscious whereas many of her friends who were very careful of their diet and exercise had died in their 60's of things like cancer and she wondered what was the cause of this. I did not interpret the post to mean that she was seriously ill but now it makes sense. My older sister hid her cancer from our family - we lived 1000 miles or more apart and did not find out until she died. We had suspected that something might be wrong because she had given up smoking and made excuses when we talked about visiting her. But it was still a big shock.
I'm sorry about your sister. It sounds like Riverbird/NEG was of the same mind.

NEG was very health conscious her entire life. Super health conscious. There were several recent posts worth noting but the one I wish I had seen at the time (mid December) was when she mentioned she had lost 30 pounds. Not so very long ago NEG was trying to lose a few pounds and she asked us what she was doing wrong. She just couldn't seem to lose weight even though she was aware of every (healthy) morsel she put in her mouth. If NEG was ever overweight it wasn't by very much. (At one time she had a photo of herself on CD). There was no way in hell she would have voluntarily lost 30 pounds. If I had read that one particular post I would have quickly sent her an email (off CD).

TBH, I would not have shared that info on CD either.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2017, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,693 posts, read 1,566,928 times
Reputation: 3711
Lenora,

There's a thread on Retirement forum, "Anyone here go from pot belly go from rock hard abs after retirement" where RiverBird posts (#59) that she had lost 25 lbs from a strict diet, exercise, and the help of a trainer so perhaps she had managed to lose weight voluntarily.

On the sunscreen, I sunbathed in my teens and twenties and never used sunscreen regularly until my 40's when a family member got melanoma. I've got lots of moles on my back but now see my dermatologist for a skin exam annually and have had several non-melanoma skin cancers removed. I would not be surprised if I got melanoma eventually - just hope the exam catches it at an early stage or I notice a mole looks different and go to the doctor. I am sure there are many like me who started using sunscreen later in life and are at risk.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-24-2017, 12:32 AM
 
Location: too far from the sea
20,304 posts, read 19,285,182 times
Reputation: 34700
I'm having a late night crying spell and I see I'm in good company. She did have light skin and reddish hair and if you are saying she didn't wear sun screen maybe that would explain it. It was bright and sunny here today when I was walking the beach with my dog and I remembered what they always say about the reflection from the ocean making the sunlight so much stronger. So I'll be using the sun screen starting now, not waiting until real summer. And no more postponing the dermatologist appointment either. This is something that's preventable.

I heard again from her husband and he is creating some sort of a memorial and will put our pages of condolences on it. I told him I'll print them all out and send them to him. I need his address though so I am waiting for that.
__________________
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-24-2017, 04:13 AM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,514 posts, read 1,739,465 times
Reputation: 9031
Unfortunately melanoma can occur in areas that never see the sun.
Why can skin cancers occur in parts of your body not exposed to the sun? - Health & Wellbeing

I was referred to a dermatologist to check out a spot on my leg (which turned out to be nothing). He told me he could just check my leg, but advised a whole body check. He certainly meant a whole body check! It wasn't what I expected and I may have delayed if I knew that beforehand. I was glad I did it as a baseline exam. DH went after me with concern for an area on his face and two pre-cancerous areas were frozen off. He's glad he went and was prepared for the whole body check, but was surprised, expecting it to be nothing also.

Living healthy and trying to minimize risks is always wise, but genetics are part of it for a percentage of people, regardless of what precautions are taken.

I'm glad the online condolences are comforting to NEG's husband and your offer of help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:34 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top