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Old 06-30-2017, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,761 posts, read 9,832,522 times
Reputation: 11346

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
Walking down my wooden patio steps one was rotted and down I went flat on my face. Well it just happened there was a wasp nest under that step, and the wasps were not happy I destroyed their home with my face and let me know it. Sigh...


and so it goes...

Oh...owwwww! Did this just happen? I can't imagine. I hate those flying stinging things and I am really allergic to bee stings. Never been stung by a wasp but I expect that would be just as bad. Sure hope you're okay!
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Old 06-30-2017, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,761 posts, read 9,832,522 times
Reputation: 11346
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I need to vent. I have known two groups of women for a very long time. We all worked at the same place for a long time, we are all retired now.

We used to get together (as 2 separate groups) for dinner to reconnect, share stories, enjoy each others company. Now as we are growing older, no one is working except for one who is working part time.

Try to get together for dinner???? That has become a joke. I'm usually the one to make the calls or send the emails. I'm feeling so frustrated because getting a date to do so is getting harder and harder. One has to go through the whole calendar, can't do it on certain days, not sure what that day we talked about she might have something else to do. Then there is the babysitting. Oh I might have to babysit, I won't know till the last minute, etc.

These women are not kids. Their children (if they have any) are grown and have kids of their own, etc. It seems these women are not able to say I'm meeting so and so and so and so for dinner on such and such a day. If you need a babysitter, please find a backup for me.

OK, I'm a mother and a grandmother, also great-grandmother. But I never see anyone. Son with kids and grands lives in OK. So there is no chance of me being needed for babysitting. And my calendar is pretty open, I never have to ask for a particular day/time.

Am I being too sensitive? Or is this thing getting out of hand? When did these women give up their own lives? The one who has to check her calendar all the time (no kids) is hard to pin down for anything.

I am very tempted to send them all notes that say I am open to meeting for lunch/dinner, just let me know when you can make it and I'll be there. Also, nobody wants to suggest a place. Grrr.

My best friend and I go through this all.the.time! She'll ask me if I want to go somewhere/do something and I will just say "No" if I really don't. And she does the same. Then when we DO get around to actually scheduling something, ONE of us will back out. I never have to check my calendar but she sometimes does because she lives with her 90 year old mom and does a lot for her. I don't know about your friends but I think we have just become kind of lazy. lol We do some things together but not that many and she's way more of a 'goer' than I am.


Maybe your friends are just living the lives they have and liking it, not given them up. Sounds like they stay busy enough. Do they call or try to schedule things or has it all been left up to you? As you said, it should be easy for them to find an alternate babysitter, etc. and go out for one afternoon. If they wanted to.


I don't think you are being too sensitive. Frustrated maybe. They're making excuses and I'm sure you're wondering why.
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Old 06-30-2017, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,865 posts, read 3,374,876 times
Reputation: 12614
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
My best friend and I go through this all.the.time! She'll ask me if I want to go somewhere/do something and I will just say "No" if I really don't. And she does the same. Then when we DO get around to actually scheduling something, ONE of us will back out. I never have to check my calendar but she sometimes does because she lives with her 90 year old mom and does a lot for her. I don't know about your friends but I think we have just become kind of lazy. lol We do some things together but not that many and she's way more of a 'goer' than I am.


Maybe your friends are just living the lives they have and liking it, not given them up. Sounds like they stay busy enough. Do they call or try to schedule things or has it all been left up to you? As you said, it should be easy for them to find an alternate babysitter, etc. and go out for one afternoon. If they wanted to.


I don't think you are being too sensitive. Frustrated maybe. They're making excuses and I'm sure you're wondering why.

Thank you AZDesertBrat. It was good to read what you wrote and see that you understand what I'm talking about.

You make a real point when you said "if they wanted to." I thought at one time we were all pretty close but things do change and they have lives to live and let's face it, I don't. That is my fault, no one else's.

One of the ladies in one of the groups suggested lunch about 6 weeks ago. There are three in this group and we all agreed on time and place. But then the first one (who suggested lunch) said she couldn't go because she was going out of state for a week. She would call and reschedule when she got back. She never did. So after some time went by I wrote to her and asked if she had gotten back from trip and yes she did but had been very busy with grandkids and her p.t. job. So we came up with another date and time and again she writes back oh gee, she can't make it, she has to babysit. She suggests another time and the third lady can't make it then. And so it goes. If we actually do go out, it is last time I will initiate.

I think I need to find new friends.
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Old 07-01-2017, 05:59 AM
 
8,016 posts, read 11,791,418 times
Reputation: 10583
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Am I being too sensitive? Or is this thing getting out of hand? When did these women give up their own lives? The one who has to check her calendar all the time (no kids) is hard to pin down for anything.
I am very tempted to send them all notes that say I am open to meeting for lunch/dinner, just let me know when you can make it and I'll be there. Also, nobody wants to suggest a place. Grrr.
I don't know whether you are being too sensitive or not (I think not but I'm told I'm too sensitive so) but for sure people's lives revolve more and more around family exclusively. Between family and maybe a few, what I call A list, activities or besties any more casual relationships tend to fall to the wayside.

Rather than trying to organize a herd of goats for a big get together I'd try pairing it down to the couple that seem most amenable, least busy. I wouldn't send the open ended note as even the most well meaning will procrastinate. Pick a date out far enough, take over the rest suggestion, suggest something as close to people and make it as fun as you can. Word will get around. People want it to be easy, no decision, not too far.

Meo, your story lurks in the back of my head all the time. We are all just one car accident away from having our lives transformed for the worse.

Jim - horrible about the wasps! That said I'm glad to hear you didn't break something when you fell.
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Old 07-01-2017, 11:13 AM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,906 posts, read 4,485,086 times
Reputation: 10659
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I need to vent. I have known two groups of women for a very long time. We all worked at the same place for a long time, we are all retired now.

We used to get together (as 2 separate groups) for dinner to reconnect, share stories, enjoy each others company. Now as we are growing older, no one is working except for one who is working part time.

Try to get together for dinner???? That has become a joke. I'm usually the one to make the calls or send the emails. I'm feeling so frustrated because getting a date to do so is getting harder and harder. One has to go through the whole calendar, can't do it on certain days, not sure what that day we talked about she might have something else to do. Then there is the babysitting. Oh I might have to babysit, I won't know till the last minute, etc.

These women are not kids. Their children (if they have any) are grown and have kids of their own, etc. It seems these women are not able to say I'm meeting so and so and so and so for dinner on such and such a day. If you need a babysitter, please find a backup for me.

OK, I'm a mother and a grandmother, also great-grandmother. But I never see anyone. Son with kids and grands lives in OK. So there is no chance of me being needed for babysitting. And my calendar is pretty open, I never have to ask for a particular day/time.

Am I being too sensitive? Or is this thing getting out of hand? When did these women give up their own lives? The one who has to check her calendar all the time (no kids) is hard to pin down for anything.

I am very tempted to send them all notes that say I am open to meeting for lunch/dinner, just let me know when you can make it and I'll be there. Also, nobody wants to suggest a place. Grrr.
Maybe you should check out meet-up and/or join a new group or two dedicated to something which interests you? Even in my little rural town in the middle of nowhere, it's amazing what's going on. I joined a group called "Grand Old Broads for Wilderness." dedicated to the conservation of Colorado's National Forests and Parks. They're mostly over 60 and really witty and fun to attend their gatherings. I also showed up when there was a climate rally held in the main town park - I met two interesting women there close to my age and who share in my same concerns. Just a thought. I kind of understand your frustration. I can't do much of anything with my BF here because she has so many health problems these days. She says she doesn't feel well enough to go out, yet she and her husband drive by my place once a week when they go to buy tax free cigarettes at the Ute Casino. I've lost track of the number of times I've invited them to stop by, but they never do. If I want to see her, I have to get a ride into town and go to her place and knock on the door.
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Old 07-01-2017, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,865 posts, read 3,374,876 times
Reputation: 12614
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
Maybe you should check out meet-up and/or join a new group or two dedicated to something which interests you? Even in my little rural town in the middle of nowhere, it's amazing what's going on. I joined a group called "Grand Old Broads for Wilderness." dedicated to the conservation of Colorado's National Forests and Parks. They're mostly over 60 and really witty and fun to attend their gatherings. I also showed up when there was a climate rally held in the main town park - I met two interesting women there close to my age and who share in my same concerns. Just a thought. I kind of understand your frustration. I can't do much of anything with my BF here because she has so many health problems these days. She says she doesn't feel well enough to go out, yet she and her husband drive by my place once a week when they go to buy tax free cigarettes at the Ute Casino. I've lost track of the number of times I've invited them to stop by, but they never do. If I want to see her, I have to get a ride into town and go to her place and knock on the door.
Good suggestion, C.R. I am already in a MeetUp group but activities are limited to going to listen to bands (the leader has a few favorites) and usually in a bar setting. They tried to do kickball but I can't run. So it is not fun for me if I can't play. They do have a league from 12/1 through 3/31 for cards once a week that I really enjoy. But there are so many groups to pick from. I need to look into some of them. I would like to learn how to kayak, the group I am in usually does it at least once a year. Sometimes twice.

I am my own worst enemy. I feel like the odd man out..... my life situation being what it is, having kids but no relationships with them. Grandkids/great-grands but all in OK. (I hate that state for a few reasons). The grandkids somehow got the idea that New York grandma has lots of money. Not true.

I need to get off my very lazy bottom and start checking things out. I do want to do a long road trip. I want to drive to CA. I've never been there. My father lived there for 6-7 years before being hit by a car and killed. For some reason I want to try to find where it happened. Am I being morbid?
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Old 07-01-2017, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,182 posts, read 9,238,576 times
Reputation: 11774
Oh, here's my opinion. We at this age need to take it day by day. Some days I have rip roaring energy and want to go out and see the world. In others, I want to sit in a chair all day and just relax with no stress, no people at all. Aches and pains come and go. The bones are old, getting older and when I think of an activity I want to do (like lunch with someone), I frequently talk myself out of it if there is even a hint of hesitation.

The problem is we now have too many choices. Whether I stay or whether I go does not matter like it did years ago, when you wouldn't get paid if you didn't show up. I think Desert Brat has it right. Having a job that you like means alot and actually going to it gives you energy for so much more. Volunteering doesn't do that. Because you have the choice: should I stay or should I go. JMHO
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Old 07-01-2017, 03:13 PM
 
Location: WA
606 posts, read 563,486 times
Reputation: 2050
Retreat City-Data House, sorta like a hostel. One of us could own it, a couple permanent residents, work with lawyers to sort out the details. Folks from C-D could come for a while. Communal dinners, away to meet C-D in a safe place, lots of sharing, friendly discussions; this is what this Thread is for me, a safe haven, place to share.
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Old 07-01-2017, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,865 posts, read 3,374,876 times
Reputation: 12614
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Oh, here's my opinion. We at this age need to take it day by day. Some days I have rip roaring energy and want to go out and see the world. In others, I want to sit in a chair all day and just relax with no stress, no people at all. Aches and pains come and go. The bones are old, getting older and when I think of an activity I want to do (like lunch with someone), I frequently talk myself out of it if there is even a hint of hesitation.

The problem is we now have too many choices. Whether I stay or whether I go does not matter like it did years ago, when you wouldn't get paid if you didn't show up. I think Desert Brat has it right. Having a job that you like means alot and actually going to it gives you energy for so much more. Volunteering doesn't do that. Because you have the choice: should I stay or should I go. JMHO

This is good, PhxBarb. Made me think a bit. I can always use that kind of encouragement!!

I think I'm ready to "let go" of where I am living now and get on with my life. One problem (I'm sure there are more) is that I'm afraid at 75 it's too late for me. And at this point, I'm not even sure I know where I want to go.

Right now I'm off a main drag that has lots of traffic. No light or four-way stop to help us get out onto the road. There are stores and restaurants all over the place. I would like to live away from the crowded area I'm in right now. But stores within a reasonable driving distance. I would like a park in the area, maybe where outdoor concerts are held in good weather. I have been thinking about western VA, the Roanoke area.

I'd love to hear your ideas. Are you retired in your dream places? Are you happy there? Does it do for you what you hoped it would?

And I am mainly wanting to hear from the single people out there. Our needs are different from the coupled people.
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Old 07-02-2017, 07:05 AM
 
8,016 posts, read 11,791,418 times
Reputation: 10583
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
Maybe you should check out meet-up and/or join a new group or two dedicated to something which interests you? Even in my little rural town in the middle of nowhere, it's amazing what's going on. I joined a group called "Grand Old Broads for Wilderness." dedicated to the conservation of Colorado's National Forests and Parks. They're mostly over 60 and really witty and fun to attend their gatherings. I also showed up when there was a climate rally held in the main town park - I met two interesting women there close to my age and who share in my same concerns. Just a thought. I kind of understand your frustration. I can't do much of anything with my BF here because she has so many health problems these days. She says she doesn't feel well enough to go out, yet she and her husband drive by my place once a week when they go to buy tax free cigarettes at the Ute Casino. I've lost track of the number of times I've invited them to stop by, but they never do. If I want to see her, I have to get a ride into town and go to her place and knock on the door.
I liked their fb page or something, was on their mailing list for awhile. Seems like a great group, made me want to move out west somewhere I could have an impact with like minded ladies!
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