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Old 08-29-2013, 05:49 AM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 27,416,354 times
Reputation: 42875

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Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear this. Hope he feels better soon and that the ribs heal quickly.

Yes, sometimes I do worry about things like this before a big trip. Before we went to Italy I had a root canal done, and I felt stupid doing it because I did it earlier than I really needed to. But the tooth was starting to have problems, and while it probably could have waited I was worried about having to deal with a dental emergency while traveling.

Jasper, we're all sending best wishes and hopes for quick healing your way.

 
Old 08-30-2013, 03:25 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 18,195,596 times
Reputation: 32371
Yes, Jasper, I add my good wishes to those of Caladium and others. It's heart-warming to read people's good wishes even though it's sad and unfortunate that they are called for. Good wishes are such a welcome change from the occasional negativity, of which it doesn't take much to leave a sour taste in the mouth.

The last several weeks seem like a banner time for mean-spiritedness. Someone posts a picture which happens to have an apparent grandchild in it and gets the response, "Oh, a grandchild! How original!" I wanted to slap the respondent, but I was almost 2,000 miles too far away.

In another forum (not Retirement) a poster bragged that he is so verbally aggressive he has landed in the hospital more than once, but still enjoys getting in people's faces in real life. I questioned the attitude in a single sentence and was rewarded with being called a "self-righteous prick", a remark that I didn't report and which is still up there. I generally don't report attacks on me as I consider myself a big boy, but I frequently report attacks on others.

I have noticed a gender difference too, although the sample size is too small to be meaningful. The only times (about three times) that I have been the recipient of almost "foaming at the mouth" attacks via direct message, it has been from women. Men tend to attack on the open forum, although sometimes women do too, of course, most recently this afternoon or evening.

My prize story (although it's older than the time frame I'm talking about here) is this via direct message: "Well Merry Christmas to you, mother f___er. Who gives a s___ what you think? Real feminine, huh?

Has the moon been in a new phase the last several weeks, or is the timing just an artifact of random variation?
 
Old 08-30-2013, 09:36 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,912 posts, read 4,691,764 times
Reputation: 4339
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
The last several weeks seem like a banner time for mean-spiritedness. Someone posts a picture which happens to have an apparent grandchild in it and gets the response, "Oh, a grandchild! How original!" I wanted to slap the respondent, but I was almost 2,000 miles too far away.
Glad you brought this up. I was also annoyed at the comment referenced above. Wanted to say something, but held my tongue. The person who posted that also made some mean-spirited comments on another thread where a woman recounted her devastation after her husband, without warning, left her and her small children.

I guess the anonymity of the Internetz gives some people the "right" to be just as nasty as they want, without being held accountable.
 
Old 08-30-2013, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,403,034 times
Reputation: 15677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Yes, Jasper, I add my good wishes to those of Caladium and others. It's heart-warming to read people's good wishes even though it's sad and unfortunate that they are called for. Good wishes are such a welcome change from the occasional negativity, of which it doesn't take much to leave a sour taste in the mouth.

The last several weeks seem like a banner time for mean-spiritedness. Someone posts a picture which happens to have an apparent grandchild in it and gets the response, "Oh, a grandchild! How original!" I wanted to slap the respondent, but I was almost 2,000 miles too far away.

In another forum (not Retirement) a poster bragged that he is so verbally aggressive he has landed in the hospital more than once, but still enjoys getting in people's faces in real life. I questioned the attitude in a single sentence and was rewarded with being called a "self-righteous prick", a remark that I didn't report and which is still up there. I generally don't report attacks on me as I consider myself a big boy, but I frequently report attacks on others.

I have noticed a gender difference too, although the sample size is too small to be meaningful. The only times (about three times) that I have been the recipient of almost "foaming at the mouth" attacks via direct message, it has been from women. Men tend to attack on the open forum, although sometimes women do too, of course, most recently this afternoon or evening.

My prize story (although it's older than the time frame I'm talking about here) is this via direct message: "Well Merry Christmas to you, mother f___er. Who gives a s___ what you think? Real feminine, huh?

Has the moon been in a new phase the last several weeks, or is the timing just an artifact of random variation?
Posters who aggressively attack others with blatant insults often get a return reply that's not too "nice" to put them in their place. I haven't seen this a whole lot on Retirement but I have noticed bitter or mean remarks once in a while that are completely unprovoked. I've seen just a few from posters who had earlier remarked that they were in "helping positions" in their careers and I just wanted to shake my head feeling sorry for the people they supposedly "helped."

One of the great things about participating in forums is that we can grow to listen more and temper our kneejerk reactions to others. It's a good learning experience to carry over into the real world.
 
Old 08-30-2013, 01:03 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 68,237,911 times
Reputation: 22468
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Vacation cut short when SO had a heart attack. Away from home, which made everything more complicated.
Lots of issues when you travel and are older.
Oh no! I understand what you are saying . . . it is complicated. We make sure we have good travel insurance in case hubby has to be airlifted (cardiac patient). And so bewildering to be out of town when dealing with healthcare.

I hope SO is going to be alright . . . ?
 
Old 08-30-2013, 01:04 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 68,237,911 times
Reputation: 22468
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
The CPR was really what saved him, and, is now "killing" him, with broken ribs. He will be okay? Maybe? Lots of rehabilitation. And away from home. He can't travel home now, that is for sure.

Sad.

But it has really made me think about travel away from home when you are older. Things happen. Health issues, even for seemingly healthy people.
Didn't see this post when I asked about your situation. Does this mean you all are "stuck" away from home for a while? I am so sorry hear about this. It really does give one pause to think that these situations can and do happen!
 
Old 08-30-2013, 01:14 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 68,237,911 times
Reputation: 22468
ESCORT RIDER: I think there is simply a lot of free-floating anger in the world. So the percentages will mean that at least some folks w/ "issues" show up on a forum. We all have our testy moments (well, most folks! I know I do!) and sometimes I think the person posting the sarcastic or mean spirited answers may just be in a rare frame of mind over other things in his/her life - and they have a knee jerk reaction to a post.

I know sometimes I misread things and hastily reply . . . I monitor my own reactions most of the time and realize that sometimes, if I come back later, I will read the comments from a different angle and not feel attacked or at least - as attacked. But some responses are MEANT to insult or "rile up" the other person.

So hard to read tone. The thing about the grandchild in that photo - i was like - woooaaaaahhhh - why say something like that - to anyone, any time? It just wasn't necessary. But the poster evidently has some deep seated hostility towards folks who are proud of their g/children.

Some folks have one issue on their minds 24/7. I have run across them, too. Everything is filtered through eyes that are constantly focused on one thing - so they interpret all statements through that filter. They may also be somewhat paranoid and think things are being directed towards them when no one even realizes their "hang ups" and certainly is not posting to "needle" them in particular. I just have to take a deep breath at times.

I also try to remember that any of us can have a bad day and it can reflect in how we respond to others, without intending to be mean spirited. I certainly have felt that I have made that error. I try to overlook when I can but sometimes, that is not the easiest thing to do!!!
 
Old 08-30-2013, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,284 posts, read 18,219,355 times
Reputation: 6562
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
ESCORT RIDER: I think there is simply a lot of free-floating anger in the world. So the percentages will mean that at least some folks w/ "issues" show up on a forum. We all have our testy moments (well, most folks! I know I do!) and sometimes I think the person posting the sarcastic or mean spirited answers may just be in a rare frame of mind over other things in his/her life - and they have a knee jerk reaction to a post.

I know sometimes I misread things and hastily reply . . . I monitor my own reactions most of the time and realize that sometimes, if I come back later, I will read the comments from a different angle and not feel attacked or at least - as attacked. But some responses are MEANT to insult or "rile up" the other person.

So hard to read tone. The thing about the grandchild in that photo - i was like - woooaaaaahhhh - why say something like that - to anyone, any time? It just wasn't necessary. But the poster evidently has some deep seated hostility towards folks who are proud of their g/children.

Some folks have one issue on their minds 24/7. I have run across them, too. Everything is filtered through eyes that are constantly focused on one thing - so they interpret all statements through that filter. They may also be somewhat paranoid and think things are being directed towards them when no one even realizes their "hang ups" and certainly is not posting to "needle" them in particular. I just have to take a deep breath at times.

I also try to remember that any of us can have a bad day and it can reflect in how we respond to others, without intending to be mean spirited. I certainly have felt that I have made that error. I try to overlook when I can but sometimes, that is not the easiest thing to do!!!
You are a wise one - I love your post!
 
Old 08-30-2013, 04:56 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 68,237,911 times
Reputation: 22468
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
You are a wise one - I love your post!
Thank you, Cattknap, but somedays I believe I am wiser than others, lololol. A lot of what I am "wise" about is from hard life lessons!!!
 
Old 08-30-2013, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,403,034 times
Reputation: 15677
Yesterday I got an auto email from a realtor with whom I'm set up to receive notices of new listings. I've had it for five years and is how I found the current house.

The house that caught my eye yesterday is in another part of the state, near lots of cultural/arts activities, and in a lovely neighborhood. So we hopped in the car and traveled an hour to see it.

The house is small and the "worst" one on the street as it has never been updated and actually needs quite a bit of work....new roof, renovated kitchen and bath, a new hardwood l.r. floor, and maybe paint on real wood siding. Now that is a lot, but nothing compared to the renovations that went/are going on in my current house (all done as an investment, as we are in a preferred n'hood in a college town).

Now we almost turned around and left the house pronto when we opened the front door, like oh no, not another 5 years of renovations. But always ready to take on an impossible challenge, we made ourselves look around the interior.

First, the location is fabulous. It's a great neighborhood. As we were driving down the street to check it out, I said out loud, gee if only there were a natural foods store in this town it sure would seal the deal...as there were beautiful parks along the way. Just as I said that, we rounded a corner and voila! There in front of us appeared an organic market that was just the right size and has everything we ever buy.

We went back to the house (we had the key). Here's the outline

- perfect house for old age

- a great price (financially a sound move, giving us a wide margin of profit from the current house/low taxes

- all on one floor with an easy level and private back yard, big enough for a garden that would take up teh entire space (no mowing). A front yard that is a snap to mow.

- neighbors a distance on either side and none behind

- a beautiful street

- 3 bedrooms with lovely hardwood floors and no renovation

- only 1 bath and no place for another

- open concept l.r. flowing into kitchen

- it's the LR, bath, and kitchen that need total renovation


We went out to eat and then went back to the house. Alternated between cringing at having to do rehab again (not me, him) and marveling at the perfection of the location for old age. Walk to parks and organic food store that also delivers! Lower taxes! Easy house (once rehabbed)!

We were set to make an offer even though our current house is not finished enough to put on the market (and, we are going toward winter up here).

We said we'd sleep on it and did. Today we were really quiet, didn't talk about it. Mulling it over.

After seeing the grandkids this afternoon I resolved I, at least, couldn't go through with it. Moving there would mean we'd be an hour further away from them than we already are (making it almost 2 hours, and as I'd recently posted, I don't do car trips well).

Tonight we're supposed to talk about this after dinner. Anyone reading, please give some thoughts!
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