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Old 10-14-2013, 11:00 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 17,939,286 times
Reputation: 32336

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJW50 View Post
Went out and purchased a double oven. Should make Thanksgiving much easier. We go all out on Thanksgiving and do cold cuts on X-mas. X-mas is all about the kids. My wife handles the cooking. No one else is allowed in the kitchen.

Holidays are going to be very hard this year . I find myself watching a lot of Long Island Medium here lately.
Yes, the first holidays without your son will be very painful. I am so sorry your family has to suffer in this way.

 
Old 10-15-2013, 05:31 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
I missed that about your so BJW, my heart goes out to you. This will be the second holiday season since I lost my Dad. Still not feelin' it. (holiday spirit)
 
Old 10-15-2013, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,171,694 times
Reputation: 15656
Quote:
Originally Posted by BJW50 View Post
Went out and purchased a double oven. Should make Thanksgiving much easier. We go all out on Thanksgiving and do cold cuts on X-mas. X-mas is all about the kids. My wife handles the cooking. No one else is allowed in the kitchen.

Holidays are going to be very hard this year . I find myself watching a lot of Long Island Medium here lately.
The long holiday season from Thanksgiving through the new year is really difficult for those who have lost a loved one. I'm one of those who feel the grief so I can imagine a little of what you're going through. I will light a candle on these days just in honor. That's the best we can do, find ways to honor, even if it's a thought. Best wishes.
 
Old 10-15-2013, 07:48 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
I have been focusing on my departed one would want me to be happy, not grieving and sad. That took a long time.

Happy for what we had, not angry for what we didn't get.

At first, inside I was screaming 'no, it wasn't supposed to be like this'. After awhile I realized it wasn't my choice, nor mine to control. After the anxiety, sadness and depression, I said out loud, Jesus, take the wheel. And He and I are NOT close. Yet.

Today I woke up. I am blessed. Every day is a gift.
 
Old 10-19-2013, 10:55 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
1,157 posts, read 1,020,100 times
Reputation: 1030
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
I have been focusing on my departed one would want me to be happy, not grieving and sad. That took a long time.

Happy for what we had, not angry for what we didn't get.

At first, inside I was screaming 'no, it wasn't supposed to be like this'. After awhile I realized it wasn't my choice, nor mine to control. After the anxiety, sadness and depression, I said out loud, Jesus, take the wheel. And He and I are NOT close. Yet.

Today I woke up. I am blessed. Every day is a gift.
I think sometimes that's easier said than done. It's going to take time. I keep trying to remind myself that he's in a better place and finally at peace.
 
Old 10-20-2013, 07:43 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
BJW, that's actually the easier part. The tough part is allowing yourself to be happy, not grieve. Find it, remember the joy, don't focus on the pain of separation and loss. Yes, I know, it's really tough.
 
Old 10-20-2013, 09:25 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,633,970 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by BJW50 View Post
I think sometimes that's easier said than done. It's going to take time. I keep trying to remind myself that he's in a better place and finally at peace.
I hope the memories and consolation that he is at peace will help make the days easier.

Some things in life are unacceptable. What we have to learn (I have been told) is how to accept the unacceptable. To do that, we have to learn to walk beside our grief and not in it. I believe that takes years. For many, it will be a lifetime struggle. But if we can learn to live our lives fully, and still acknowledge what has been lost without it over-shadowing each day . . . then there is at least some level of healing in that.

Holidays can be especially difficult times. Hugs to you and your wife.
 
Old 10-22-2013, 10:15 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
well said, y'all. Kiss your pets, hug your kids, call your Mom or Dad. Life is too short.

That's the signature line in all of my ebay auctions. I started using it in 2004 and never stopped.
 
Old 10-22-2013, 11:30 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,633,970 times
Reputation: 22439
Today is my son's 30th birthday. It so happens I was scheduled for more bloodwork today, so I was able to pop over to my son's department in the hospital and give him a big hug before leaving town. Have to head back to Charlotte to take care of "bidness" there . . . hate to leave the mountains, as the first snowfall of the season is predicted for tomorrow (or maybe tonight - haven't checked the latest forecast). Love to be here for the first snow but . . . it is doubtless going to be a cold winter so I am sure there will be more later!!!

I dread packing up again . . . think I will take a nap. :-)
 
Old 10-22-2013, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,171,694 times
Reputation: 15656
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
I hope the memories and consolation that he is at peace will help make the days easier.

Some things in life are unacceptable. What we have to learn (I have been told) is how to accept the unacceptable. To do that, we have to learn to walk beside our grief and not in it. I believe that takes years. For many, it will be a lifetime struggle. But if we can learn to live our lives fully, and still acknowledge what has been lost without it over-shadowing each day . . . then there is at least some level of healing in that.

Holidays can be especially difficult times. Hugs to you and your wife.
Well said. I hope that anyone who has a really tough time with isolation or grief during the long holiday season will check in here and express their feelings. Many of us are here to support, even if we really are strangers. Sometimes strangers can offer the best solace.
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