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Old 12-12-2013, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,164,004 times
Reputation: 15656

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I'm spending the day going through boxes of old photos.

I'm on the box where I'm a baby then a toddler then a child then a teen then a grad then a bride. These are very old photos, to say the least. I sorted and tossed maybe half and kept the "better" ones. But better for whom? Me I guess. For When I'm Ninety and have nothing better to do than look at my early years.

I keep thinking my grown kids and grandkids are going to fight over getting the picture of me in 5th grade at my piano recital, LOL . I even thought of making duplicates for each. Am I a narcissist or what! (I do want to save the family beach photos with my parents, these are the only happy times we had).

But how much is enough??? Now this is before I even grew up and got married so you can guess how many more boxes there are to go. You will undoubtedly remember all the snapshots we took in the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, many of which are yellowing with age and poor storage.

Please do tell what you have saved from your childhood and what you're doing with all that stuff (keeping, tossing, scanning, giving to kids, ignoring, etc).
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:07 PM
 
19 posts, read 22,517 times
Reputation: 80
In response to Ani and NewEnglandGirl:

I have some dear friends where the husband was not recovering well from heart surgery. The best thing they did was use hospicecare. they found that it was so gratifying to be able to discuss end of life issues with someone who didn't dismiss their concerns. Also, unlike other nurses, the emphasis wasn't on extending life (which is good), but was on the quality of that life as he continued to live it.
Being a part of their hospice circle has been a real blessing; even as he has stabilized and is better. My mom and her husband both died about 2 years ago. It was not a good death. I want to experience and learn from someone who is open to the conversation about dying and demonstrates a willingness to confront diversity head on. I was having lunch with them when they asked me to participate in his memorial service. It took me two days to answer, but I was flattered to be asked. I want to live like that! They have also taught me to be a better friend. Many times I had excuses for not visiting him, then thought it through and realized that there was nothing more important than being with my friend and his wife. They have condensed life to only what is important.
On the possessions: It took over a year to clean out my parents' home and get it on the market. Each time my husband and I returned from house, we purged our own place. all I could think of was one of our children holding up a possession and thinking: what did they keep this for? It was also weird to find with both sets of our parents that they had presents from us that were stored away, some still in the original wrapping. That taught us a lot.
My husband has taken on the process in his family (now that both parents are gone) of identifying the people in the photos. So if you choose to save them, identify the people. He also had them put in a hard bound book with his commentary and some on CDs.
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:29 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,423,871 times
Reputation: 7530
Excellent post, BobbyKenny. (My first thought was Ricky Bobby, no offense. Cute.)

negirl, I wanted all the photos that my grandmother left and the ones my Dad took for the first sixty years of his life. I looked at them all then threw them in a box. At least the box is a small one, about the size of a shoe box.

I have no kids (the Gods did not make me fertile, something to do with mom being a twin and skipping a generation, IDK) and my cousins worship their mothers side of the family because they thought they were rich, so I doubt if they would want any of them. DH's kids won't be interested in anything prior to our union.

Maybe I will sort out the cousin ones and send them to the one decent cousin.

Some day.......

Kids, some day is today. Your ship is at the dock now, it's not coming in later. Plot, plan, always have hope; today is all we have for sure. It really is a gift.

That being said, I hope we are all still here on CD in our nineties

Dang, it's cold out there, barely 20 F and there is a little wind. Thankfully nothing like yesterday. One day at a time, I will take it. At least heating oil hasn't gone up, 3.79/gal. like last month.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,164,004 times
Reputation: 15656
Just took a prolonged break with a sandwich and coffee, now off to Staples to overspend on archival photo boxes (I hate albums) and back to the memory room upstairs for more nostalgia and tears (happy and sad). I wonder why I haven't been working on this all these decades, why did I leave it till now.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,423,871 times
Reputation: 7530
Awww negirl, smile and laugh, don't be sad, please don't. In the end our lives are a collection of memories, good and bad, but they are your memories and you should love them. And want to create more. Make them good ones. <3
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:49 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,615,515 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Everything is always really out of our hands. We think we're in control when things are going well, but really not, because life can turn on a dime. And it does, every day, for millions of us. You have so many questions and concerns it can get to be overwhelming. What helped me in the face of crisis was (is) yoga and sitting still doing nothing but emptying my thoughts in a warm room. Getting a massage, and giving one to the loved one, even a gentle foot massage. Slowing down and taking time for everything, never rushing even when you have to go to appts, etc. Everything in slow motion, putting one foot in front of the other. You will both get to the other side of this choppy river.
Yes, life can turn on a dime . . . have experienced that myself a few times. Nothing stays the same.

I definitely could use a good massage. Maybe I can work this out this weekend. Good idea. The yoga and meditation are what basically keep me together on a daily basis - that and prayer.

Thank you for the encouragement - yes, we will get to the other side of this choppy river.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:52 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,615,515 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
"Just not ready to talk to folks. For one thing, no one really understands the extent of hubby's health issues. Even his family. And it isn't as though his diagnoses are easy to explain. When he had his last "episode" -- people meant well but they all said things like "oh, they can do so much now . . . it will be fine" etc. They didn't seem to get that there is no fix for dead heart muscle. No balloon stent can fix that. No meds can make his heart work again.

So we decided to simply tell folks he was doing fine and nothing more.

There was no one I wanted to call and talk to because the last thing I wanted was to hear folks minimizing things, reassuring me things are going to be fine, and the docs will fix it. "

Ani, this is exactly what we went through when Dad passed. People try to say appropriate things.

The thing I figured out early on is that the folks who say 'You should' or 'You have to' are not helpful and should be avoided.

Thw ones that say 'Can I', 'Would you like' 'How can I' are folks that truly mean well and can be counted on.

When the response is somewhat condescending hit the off button. This is not what you need right now.

And one of the best things I learned was from watching Duck Dynasty.

"Thank you Father for another day on planet Earth." -Phil Robertson
I think that sometimes folks have felt they were somehow "reassuring" me when their words felt dismissive and showed they didn't truly understand the seriousness of what we are dealing with daily. I am sure it was done out of good intentions . . . but it sure wasn't helpful, lol.

Yes, every day is a gift -- and even the challenging days are something to be thankful for.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:54 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,615,515 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Just took a prolonged break with a sandwich and coffee, now off to Staples to overspend on archival photo boxes (I hate albums) and back to the memory room upstairs for more nostalgia and tears (happy and sad). I wonder why I haven't been working on this all these decades, why did I leave it till now.
Maybe you just were not ready to spend the time it would take to really think about the memories.

It is good to review those memories, though. And it is good to take the time to do it.

You are doing it now b/c now is the right time.
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Old 12-12-2013, 02:02 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,615,515 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobbykenny View Post
In response to Ani and NewEnglandGirl:

I have some dear friends where the husband was not recovering well from heart surgery. The best thing they did was use hospicecare. they found that it was so gratifying to be able to discuss end of life issues with someone who didn't dismiss their concerns. Also, unlike other nurses, the emphasis wasn't on extending life (which is good), but was on the quality of that life as he continued to live it.
Being a part of their hospice circle has been a real blessing; even as he has stabilized and is better. My mom and her husband both died about 2 years ago. It was not a good death. I want to experience and learn from someone who is open to the conversation about dying and demonstrates a willingness to confront diversity head on. I was having lunch with them when they asked me to participate in his memorial service. It took me two days to answer, but I was flattered to be asked. I want to live like that! They have also taught me to be a better friend. Many times I had excuses for not visiting him, then thought it through and realized that there was nothing more important than being with my friend and his wife. They have condensed life to only what is important.
On the possessions: It took over a year to clean out my parents' home and get it on the market. Each time my husband and I returned from house, we purged our own place. all I could think of was one of our children holding up a possession and thinking: what did they keep this for? It was also weird to find with both sets of our parents that they had presents from us that were stored away, some still in the original wrapping. That taught us a lot.
My husband has taken on the process in his family (now that both parents are gone) of identifying the people in the photos. So if you choose to save them, identify the people. He also had them put in a hard bound book with his commentary and some on CDs.
I agree - Hospice nurses do have a special understanding of all the components that go into dealing with terminal illness. Nice post and I appreciate your wisdom. Quality of life is the big thing to my hubby . . . and something we do discuss a lot. I am selfish and want him with me, whether he is mobile or bed-ridden . . . but he feels imprisoned if he is not able to be active. I try to respect that but . . . it just comes down to my being selfish and wanting him in my life. He told me today he has pushed so hard to try to "act normal" b/c he didn't want to worry me . . .

I think that in itself has been a big burden on his shoulders -- concern for how his health (and need for caretaking) was affecting me. So he probably has pushed when he shouldn't have . . . I guess we always want to protect those we love from some of the harsh realities, for as long as we can.
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Old 12-12-2013, 02:07 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,615,515 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I'm spending the day going through boxes of old photos.

I'm on the box where I'm a baby then a toddler then a child then a teen then a grad then a bride. These are very old photos, to say the least. I sorted and tossed maybe half and kept the "better" ones. But better for whom? Me I guess. For When I'm Ninety and have nothing better to do than look at my early years.

I keep thinking my grown kids and grandkids are going to fight over getting the picture of me in 5th grade at my piano recital, LOL . I even thought of making duplicates for each. Am I a narcissist or what! (I do want to save the family beach photos with my parents, these are the only happy times we had).

But how much is enough??? Now this is before I even grew up and got married so you can guess how many more boxes there are to go. You will undoubtedly remember all the snapshots we took in the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, many of which are yellowing with age and poor storage.

Please do tell what you have saved from your childhood and what you're doing with all that stuff (keeping, tossing, scanning, giving to kids, ignoring, etc).
I lost most of my mementos, photos and clippings with bylines in a flood. So I don't have the boxes to go through.

What I do have -- I will probably not make any copies of . . . no one would want them but my son . . . and he will already has some of the few things I salvaged.

I don't think there is anything narcissistic about thinking ahead and trying to figure out what might be treasured by your children or g/children!

I have put some things into a slide show and given them to my son (after scanning them).
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