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Old 12-17-2013, 01:10 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530

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Slingshot, I am truly sorry for your loss. No parent should have to bury a child. <3

Ani, we thought the same thing, too; that we would get old and die peacefully in our old cottage in the woods. Nope.

Our ten inches of snow + DH in the old 1970 F100 manual trans with no power steering plow truck for three hours = DH can barely walk, can't get up the stone steps to the barn.

I do not mind at all taking care of his horse duties. They are mine, too.

But since learning about his bad hip (it will be two years ago February) it's becoming obvious that we are not going to age well here. I guess we all do at some point.

The Blue Ridge sounds lovely, my real father loves motorcycling there.

I think our plan B you staying in your home is a good one. Aside from moving around some furniture, you can focus on DH and not freak with having to move.

HIW, I again admire your resolute attitude about keeping the lifestyle you love no matter what.

Old Yiddish proverb-Man makes plans and God laughs. (I know, I'm a broken record that keeps repeating.)

 
Old 12-17-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,092 posts, read 13,357,744 times
Reputation: 14875
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clark Park View Post

Anyway, I own something like 65 long sleeve shirts, 35 short sleeve shirts, 30 different colored T-shirts, 20 knit polo shirts, and about a dozen sweaters.

I do not own own a single pair of blue jeans anymore. I gave them up when I turned 50. For casual wear I prefer to wear Khakis and chinos. I try to dress "age appropriate" and not the way I dressed when I was 20 and in college.
Yes, you're a clotheshorse

When I downsized, I went from 15 feet of clothes in the closet and 8 drawers full to ... 3 feet and 2 drawers. Shoes weren't a problem for me since I had 2 pair of heels and the rest were Birks and tennis-type shoes. The heels are now gone
 
Old 12-17-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
I would dig a clotheshorse man. We would be horses together.

new topic, my Mom has been sort of seeing (non romantic) guy (he's a lawyer) for about six months now.

Last night's phone call (I call her every night since my step dad passed Sept. 2013)
This guy she's been sort of seeing went all bipolar on her last night, too wierd. Yelling and screaming, telling her to suck it up and grow up. That is sooo not cool. Yikes. Here we go again, cell phone in pocket ready to dial 911, keys in pocket and all doors locked.

I'm thinking he's bipolar, has mommy issues, (father died young, he thought his mother was perfect)???

There have been a few times he has said some wierd/inappropriate things to her that she let go. But last night she was shaking so badly she spilled her coffee and he was laughing at her, trying to degrade her. She was crushed. This clown has said that he cares for her, who the heck behaves like that to someone they are seeing socially and have only known for six months?

I'm thinking Jeckyll and Hyde at the moment.....
 
Old 12-17-2013, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,171,694 times
Reputation: 15656
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
I would dig a clotheshorse man. We would be horses together.

new topic, my Mom has been sort of seeing (non romantic) guy (he's a lawyer) for about six months now.

Last night's phone call (I call her every night since my step dad passed Sept. 2013)
This guy she's been sort of seeing went all bipolar on her last night, too wierd. Yelling and screaming, telling her to suck it up and grow up. That is sooo not cool. Yikes. Here we go again, cell phone in pocket ready to dial 911, keys in pocket and all doors locked.

I'm thinking he's bipolar, has mommy issues, (father died young, he thought his mother was perfect)???

There have been a few times he has said some wierd/inappropriate things to her that she let go. But last night she was shaking so badly she spilled her coffee and he was laughing at her, trying to degrade her. She was crushed. This clown has said that he cares for her, who the heck behaves like that to someone they are seeing socially and have only known for six months?

I'm thinking Jeckyll and Hyde at the moment.....
I hope your mom, being quite elderly, is being monitored by someone - hopefully you or another adult. She needs to be apprised of danger signs of potential abuse that could go beyond the verbal berating. You might also urge her to get some senior counseling. If this continues, try to get her to seek a restraining order. She probably "loves him" but so what, he could be a real abuser if those verbal attacks are not unusual for him.
 
Old 12-17-2013, 02:43 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
No, thankfully she does not love him. She's only 73 and in great shape, goes to the gym thrice a week and walks a mile every day.

Agreed, this is def abusive behavior. She knows it, that it is not acceptible.

I can only monitor from up here, she's ine Miami. She does have good neighbors that have kept an eye on her since Dad passed.

I was thinking the resstraining order is next.
 
Old 12-17-2013, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,171,694 times
Reputation: 15656
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
No, thankfully she does not love him. She's only 73 and in great shape, goes to the gym thrice a week and walks a mile every day.

Agreed, this is def abusive behavior. She knows it, that it is not acceptible.

I can only monitor from up here, she's ine Miami. She does have good neighbors that have kept an eye on her since Dad passed.

I was thinking the resstraining order is next.
Good to know she's on top of it.

On another note, I've overdone it in terms of the end of year organization and downsizing. I sat on the floor too long for too many days sorting and weeding paperwork, photos, and mementos. My body aches all over, particularly lower back. I'm trying to do some gentle yoga but I really feel wrung out in my joints bones muscles (partly because I've been so focused on all this, and the frigid weather, that I haven't walked outdoors at all). Does anyone have any good remedies for an aching body (other than hot baths with epsom salt, which does help a little)?
 
Old 12-17-2013, 03:56 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,427,479 times
Reputation: 7530
eucalyptus oil maybe? I just pound ibuprofen. Try sitting on a pillow or two or a cushy comforter folded over a few times. DH really feels more pain when the temps are below 30F.

Are you hydrated? It adds to back pain, discs need fluids to maximize cushion.

To the chiropractor say I !

Maybe a cocktail?
 
Old 12-17-2013, 04:29 PM
 
Location: University City, Philadelphia
22,607 posts, read 12,484,853 times
Reputation: 15595
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post

... You don't wish to move; you don't wish to separate yourself from those goods that reflect your life. Therefore, don't until you absolutely must ...


I refused to give up my life. My animals need me; I need them. I intend to live until I die.

Make it happen. Stay in your home ...
I agree 100%.

I will not go into a nursing home unless is it absolutely, positively necessary and no other option will work.
 
Old 12-17-2013, 05:00 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,633,970 times
Reputation: 22439
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
new topic, my Mom has been sort of seeing (non romantic) guy (he's a lawyer) for about six months now.

Last night's phone call (I call her every night since my step dad passed Sept. 2013)
This guy she's been sort of seeing went all bipolar on her last night, too wierd. Yelling and screaming, telling her to suck it up and grow up. That is sooo not cool. Yikes. Here we go again, cell phone in pocket ready to dial 911, keys in pocket and all doors locked.

I'm thinking he's bipolar, has mommy issues, (father died young, he thought his mother was perfect)???

There have been a few times he has said some wierd/inappropriate things to her that she let go. But last night she was shaking so badly she spilled her coffee and he was laughing at her, trying to degrade her. She was crushed. This clown has said that he cares for her, who the heck behaves like that to someone they are seeing socially and have only known for six months?

I'm thinking Jeckyll and Hyde at the moment.....
I am thinking he has issues, too.

I am so glad your mom recognizes his behavior/words are inappropriate. It is soon enough in the relationship -- which still sounds pretty casual -- that he will probably back off as soon as she proves that she is not going to behave as a victim and take his abuse. Men with control issues (and anger issues, regardless of the reason for it - bipolar or not) back off pretty quickly when they realize the supposedly vulnerable (read: recently widowed) women he targets are not going to accept the crap.

I don't think she will need a restraining order. Once he figures out she has seen beyond the facade, I am betting on a huffy, hasty exit. The only problem is - if he wants to get dramatic, should he be in a manic phase. Sounds like mom is pretty savvy though and will be aware if he tries to follow her . . .

I am sorry she is going through this.
 
Old 12-17-2013, 05:28 PM
Status: "Support the Mining Law of 1872" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,668 posts, read 11,127,014 times
Reputation: 19463
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
Happy, I admire your courage having two hips done and staying home. DH needs a hip but does not traust doctors so we live with the pain. Maybe after medicare and Florida where doctors are better he will change his mind but I doubt it.
I hope your husband changes his mind. Bad hips don't don't go away; they just get worse and worse.

I'm fortunate to have wonderful friends and neighbors. i never dreamed that so many people would make the time to help me make several trips to and from Billings, over a hundred miles away, as well as help me in the local area. I was advised not to drive for six weeks after surgery each time. Even worse, posterior hip surgery requires cetain precautions for several months. I can't cross my legs, turn my hips into my body, or have my trunk and legs at more than a 90 degree angle. The last means no bending forward. Thankfully a neighbor sawed off my Christmas tree; my garbage man comes up to my porch, drags the dumpster down to the ground, unloads it, then drags it back up. My maids do my grocery shopping and unloading but don't charge me; I should mention the people who helped me put up my Christmas tree and other decorations. These tasks would range from nightmarish to impossible if I had to do them myself. The local hospital has provided me with extraordinary home health care. No one watches the clock measuring the length of the appointment. Don't worry; I'll remember them at Christmas. I've thought of having a party next spring as well to thank them and to celebrate my recovery.

I've read a number of posts advising older people to live in large cities to be near health care facilities but I've learned that rural America is a far better choice as we age. People in cities just don't do these things.
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