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Old 09-08-2015, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,178 posts, read 3,574,434 times
Reputation: 13808

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I've been reading C-D most of this morning, mainly the topics that I relate to. There is one that addresses teaching young people about aging.

Well, maybe I should start another one about teaching kids to be tactful, think before they speak, etc. I don't know why this popped into my head this morning but it did. I've thought about it several times but always just let it go.

I have an older (82) sister who has cerebral palsy and is now dying with lung cancer. Some of my other sister's adult kids have said..... she wasn't supposed to live this long. After all that is what the book they read said. So it must be true, right? Wrong. I had never heard about this, never felt a need to "look it up."

So what I am saying is..... how about we teach compassion? For me, hearing them say this, was very hurtful. I think a lot of us have been told to speak what's on our mind. But what about tact and love for the person you are saying it to? Am I being too sensitive?

 
Old 09-08-2015, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Cochise County, AZ
1,388 posts, read 900,224 times
Reputation: 3002
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal2NC View Post
So what I am saying is..... how about we teach compassion? For me, hearing them say this, was very hurtful. I think a lot of us have been told to speak what's on our mind. But what about tact and love for the person you are saying it to? Am I being too sensitive?
Personally I think it would be much harder to teach tact to a young person than compassion would be. My oldest brother never had tact, and I don't feel that it was the fault of my parents. He never seemed to even understand that he had made a faux pas.

I feel that tact is learned through your own personal life experiences, not something that is guided by your parents.
 
Old 09-08-2015, 01:14 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,604 posts, read 32,123,293 times
Reputation: 29125
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal2NC View Post
I've been reading C-D most of this morning, mainly the topics that I relate to. There is one that addresses teaching young people about aging.

Well, maybe I should start another one about teaching kids to be tactful, think before they speak, etc. I don't know why this popped into my head this morning but it did. I've thought about it several times but always just let it go.

I have an older (82) sister who has cerebral palsy and is now dying with lung cancer. Some of my other sister's adult kids have said..... she wasn't supposed to live this long. After all that is what the book they read said. So it must be true, right? Wrong. I had never heard about this, never felt a need to "look it up."

So what I am saying is..... how about we teach compassion? For me, hearing them say this, was very hurtful. I think a lot of us have been told to speak what's on our mind. But what about tact and love for the person you are saying it to? Am I being too sensitive?
I'm not sure someone can be taught compassion. Either they have it or they don't. But they can be taught consideration. In this "me, me, m e" world we live in that's something sorely lacking in all too many.

No! I don't think you're being too sensitive. You simply have compassion for your sister. Good for you.
 
Old 09-08-2015, 05:43 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,335 posts, read 2,145,568 times
Reputation: 4105
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
My dear sweet MIL died early this a.m. on the West Coast. It was expected, she was 92. She went to sleep after getting pneumonia, which is what they say is the best way to go. This latest loss underscores how those of us approaching 70 or more may want to live it up, now.
I'm very sorry for your loss.

And you are probably right that we should not put off till tomorrow the things we are thinking about doing.
 
Old 09-08-2015, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
5,392 posts, read 3,760,279 times
Reputation: 11523
Governors, I'm thankful you went through a peaceful ending for your MIL. When my mom went at 86, it was a blessing. Yes, we miss the person but knowing they left in peace softened the blow, at least for me.
 
Old 09-09-2015, 12:12 AM
 
1,688 posts, read 680,188 times
Reputation: 3654
RiverCity/NEG -- I am glad your MIL will be laid to rest in her home state. My MIL lies in our home state also [IL]. Since you will be doing this in October, I want to tell you what we did. My MIL loved gardening, just as I do. The cemetery, which is beautiful, has a rule against decorating the graves, except for gravestones. We had to come back when the gravestone was ready, which turned out to be quite a while later, a couple of years, I believe, just because it took quite a while to sell her townhouse. While we were there, we planted some very low growing bulbs, such as crocus, which will grow and multiply through the years. At the same time I did that, my SIL added the remains of my MIL's precious dog, whom we believe died of a broken heart. SIL had taken her home and she was very well treated, but none the less, she failed to thrive in her new home, and died. We believe it started when the dog went under MIL's bed, four days before she died and refused to leave until she had passed, four days later. She brought the dogs ashes back from out of state for this purpose. I just wanted to pass on the crocus/small bulb idea, since Oct. is a perfect planting time.
 
Old 09-09-2015, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,269 posts, read 9,444,754 times
Reputation: 12042
Hollyhock: We did the same thing. My Mom came out here 7 months before passing and so we had her taken back to IL for the funeral and burial. I have not been back yet to see the gravestone and its been 3 years. But when I do get back there, I will plant some bulbs, as you did, since she was a fabulous gardener and the cemetery doesn't allow permanent flowers either. (Maybe it's the same cemetery?) I knew she wanted to be "home" for her resting place next to my Dad.

I am near tears thinking about that doggie. What a precious pet !
 
Old 09-09-2015, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach
1,516 posts, read 1,247,643 times
Reputation: 3806
NYgal2NC - I'm not sure how you teach compassion, but I really wish that people would stop saying that they are "just telling it like it is" when they are just being rude. The "I'm not PC crowd" seems to equate basic manners with stifling their free speech.
 
Old 09-09-2015, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 18,177,155 times
Reputation: 32365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Retire in MB View Post
NYgal2NC - I'm not sure how you teach compassion, but I really wish that people would stop saying that they are "just telling it like it is" when they are just being rude. The "I'm not PC crowd" seems to equate basic manners with stifling their free speech.
It's a good point that people use all sorts of excuses for bad behavior. However, one can be part of the "not PC crowd" while still retaining basic manners. In like fashion, one can avoid rudeness while still "telling it like it is". Rudeness and straightforwardness are not really the same thing, although of course a statement can be both straightforward AND rude.
 
Old 09-09-2015, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,776 posts, read 10,000,304 times
Reputation: 11391
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
It's a good point that people use all sorts of excuses for bad behavior. However, one can be part of the "not PC crowd" while still retaining basic manners. In like fashion, one can avoid rudeness while still "telling it like it is". Rudeness and straightforwardness are not really the same thing, although of course a statement can be both straightforward AND rude.
We can be straight forward without being rude. It's called 'tact'. I learned a long time ago that it's pretty easy to say most anything you want to anyone you want as long as you are tactful, smile and laugh a little. By the same token though I have noticed, over the years, that I can also be passive-aggressive sometimes. I try not to do that but it usually works and nobody has ever called me on it.
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