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I dread it and dread having to pay movers and dread having to pay rent but the situation is not typical and so I just don't know what else to do. Things didn't unfold as we had expected . . . so here we are, lol.
I very much appreciate your good wishes! Somehow, it will work out. I will just have to buck up and do what has to be done, including giving up at least some of my "things."
You don't wish to move; you don't wish to separate yourself from those goods that reflect your life. Therefore, don't until you absolutely must. Furthermore, you're in a state of panic. This is not the time to make any changes, let alone sell your main residence. Regardless of the future, there's nothing you can't put off.
While I kept thinking my arthritis was just aggravated by an old back injury my hips were disintegrating; one day I couldn't walk. After seeing several local surgeons who made excuses for not doing it I found one in Billings who's the best in the region. After saying that mine was one of the worst cases he had ever seen he scheduled me for surgery. I had my first total hip replacement which required a bone graft in early September and my second early last month.
During my first stay in the hospital I was bombarded by people telling me that I needed to go to a nursing home 'temporarily". I refused. I came home and had a terrible time because one hip was recovering and the other was still rotten. My physical therapist later told me she wondered if I'd walk again. She definitely did not believe that I'd be ready in eight weeks for the second hip; but I was. My goal is to be walking unaided within two months; she thinks I can do it.
I refused to give up my life. My animals need me; I need them. I intend to live until I die. You need to do the same, to build up your husband's attitude, to keep those things which bring back a lifetime of memories. I know that you situation is worse than mine was but the most important thing in both is attitude. You'll help your husband's attitude and will to live most by insuring that your own is at the highest level possible. Make it happen. Stay in your home.
Ani - Words~~you have a tough time ahead but you'll get through it. Your DH will need a quiet place to rest after surgery and can't have people going through his BR plus it would make it harder to get your house sold. I hear Charlotte has a lot of people moving into the area so let's hope your house sells quickly. Maybe you could store some of your things ~ I agree that you are in the "fight or flight" mode and have so many decisions to make all at the same time. Sending positive energy your way. You'll get through this.
I won't make money off my stuff - even the expensive antiques. The only way to do that is through dealers and it is a long process . . . and a hassle (as I am sure you know all about). I tend to donate and take it as a tax write off or give to friends. Yard sales are hell and for me, not worth the hassle.
No, there is no one to help. Oh, I have friends that would chip in as they could but I would never ask anyone to do that. I will have to hire professional help at some point as far as actually packing in boxes.
I think what I am going to do is rent a condo and start moving stuff in over a three month period. That way, I can get hubby settled and then deal with getting things moved out and staging what is left so I can put the house on the market. If he has to have surgery, then he can recuperate undisturbed while the house is being shown.
I have already given a few of the antiques to my son and we will see what else he can accommodate . . . that gives me a lot of pleasure knowing he and his lovely fiancee are enjoying things I have treasured for decades.
I dread it and dread having to pay movers and dread having to pay rent but the situation is not typical and so I just don't know what else to do. Things didn't unfold as we had expected . . . so here we are, lol.
I very much appreciate your good wishes! Somehow, it will work out. I will just have to buck up and do what has to be done, including giving up at least some of my "things."
Ani, have you thought about renting a storage unit and moving your things (the ones that will not fit in the rental condo) into it? That would give you some time to deal with both the practical and psychological issues involved in deciding how to deal with divesting yourself (or not) of these items.
You have so much to deal with at once. I am just amazed that you took the time, at a moment when you have so little of it, to give such a thoughtful answer to my DM a few hours ago; it is certainly a measure of your boundless kindness. I send you my very best wishes for the best possible outcome under the circumstances.
You don't wish to move; you don't wish to separate yourself from those goods that reflect your life. Therefore, don't until you absolutely must. Furthermore, you're in a state of panic. This is not the time to make any changes, let alone sell your main residence. Regardless of the future, there's nothing you can't put off.
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Ani, you've said it's because it's 2 story. IF there is a bathroom downstairs, is it possible to use another room or part of another room for a bed?
Optimistically, this would be only for recuperation period...if long term it still might be better than giving up the house and the things you love to have around you completely.
Ani, it sounds like we are in similar situations. All I can say is take deep breaths and time outs, you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time. I would consider old_colds suggestion, is it imperative to move with the stuff your DH is facing?
Happy, I admire your courage having two hips done and staying home. DH needs a hip but does not traust doctors so we live with the pain. Maybe after medicare and Florida where doctors are better he will change his mind but I doubt it.
Officer Clark, it sounds to me you have a mature and fashionable wardrobe. Age appropriate? For me, nah, I will continue to dress like HRH Kate.
You don't wish to move; you don't wish to separate yourself from those goods that reflect your life. Therefore, don't until you absolutely must. Furthermore, you're in a state of panic. This is not the time to make any changes, let alone sell your main residence. Regardless of the future, there's nothing you can't put off.
While I kept thinking my arthritis was just aggravated by an old back injury my hips were disintegrating; one day I couldn't walk. After seeing several local surgeons who made excuses for not doing it I found one in Billings who's the best in the region. After saying that mine was one of the worst cases he had ever seen he scheduled me for surgery. I had my first total hip replacement which required a bone graft in early September and my second early last month.
During my first stay in the hospital I was bombarded by people telling me that I needed to go to a nursing home 'temporarily". I refused. I came home and had a terrible time because one hip was recovering and the other was still rotten. My physical therapist later told me she wondered if I'd walk again. She definitely did not believe that I'd be ready in eight weeks for the second hip; but I was. My goal is to be walking unaided within two months; she thinks I can do it.
I refused to give up my life. My animals need me; I need them. I intend to live until I die. You need to do the same, to build up your husband's attitude, to keep those things which bring back a lifetime of memories. I know that you situation is worse than mine was but the most important thing in both is attitude. You'll help your husband's attitude and will to live most by insuring that your own is at the highest level possible. Make it happen. Stay in your home.
I can't thank you enough for sharing your own experiences plus giving me wise advice.
Our situations are similar in that hubby's other docs for nearly 5 years have refused to do this procedure, as they said it was too risky (high mortality in his situation). But it is the one thing that could give him back a decent quality of life for at least several years. We have finally found a doc willing to consider it (after more diagnostics - we will know if it is a "go.") We are very hopeful.
He doesn't want to leave this house. Things are so convenient here - everything is within a mile to 1.5 miles. Even a hospital only 3 miles away.
We could shuffle things around and change the dining room to a bedroom. That would be quite feasible, actually.
Thank you for helping me take a step back and consider a timeline and how to best handle all this.
Ani - Words~~you have a tough time ahead but you'll get through it. Your DH will need a quiet place to rest after surgery and can't have people going through his BR plus it would make it harder to get your house sold. I hear Charlotte has a lot of people moving into the area so let's hope your house sells quickly. Maybe you could store some of your things ~ I agree that you are in the "fight or flight" mode and have so many decisions to make all at the same time. Sending positive energy your way. You'll get through this.
Yes, the good thing is . . . I do anticipate a fast sell once we do get the house on the market.
I could always move him into the dining room for recovery and then when he is up to it, move him to our tiny mountain house . . . and then put this primary residence on the market. That would give me more time to find storage rental, or sell things, etc. And it would eliminate having to do a fast move.
Ani, have you thought about renting a storage unit and moving your things (the ones that will not fit in the rental condo) into it? That would give you some time to deal with both the practical and psychological issues involved in deciding how to deal with divesting yourself (or not) of these items.
You have so much to deal with at once. I am just amazed that you took the time, at a moment when you have so little of it, to give such a thoughtful answer to my DM a few hours ago; it is certainly a measure of your boundless kindness. I send you my very best wishes for the best possible outcome under the circumstances.
I have thought about that . . . it will be a lot of money . . .but now that I am looking at it again . . . it would be cheaper than renting another house/condo. I can't find anything under $1000/mo and most are two stories! So that is not helping solve the one-level situation. And I could do a lot of storage for $1000, lol.
This would give me time to sort out what I can let go of (there are pieces of bedroom furniture I am not attached to - just not my rice carved bed!!! )
I very much appreciate the advice, suggestions and ideas . . . perhaps I am rushing too much and as others have said - in fight/flight mode. It certainly feels that way.
Nothing has to be decided today yet I have felt I must hurry, hurry. Taking deep breaths and reconsidering all this . . .
Ani, you've said it's because it's 2 story. IF there is a bathroom downstairs, is it possible to use another room or part of another room for a bed?
Optimistically, this would be only for recuperation period...if long term it still might be better than giving up the house and the things you love to have around you completely.
You are right. I need to think outside the box. That dining room would be sooo easy to disassemble and send to storage (or heck -sell some of it). Or, re-work the living room, dividing up one end for sitting area, the other for dining table/chairs. That would work.
It would be easy to then move stuff back to the dining room once Hubby could move to the mtn. house and we would put this one on the market.
Meanwhile, I could be selling/giving away some of the furniture . . . and figuring out if in the longterm it would be feasible to add on a nice sized room at the mtn house once we get the equity out of this home . . . it would buy time for all that.
I feel calmer already.
I love it when a plan starts coming together.
I can't thank you enough for helping me see alternatives. Hubby would love having our bedroom downstairs - short trek to the kitchen!!!!!
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Is a rented storage unit worth considering?
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