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Old 09-13-2011, 09:55 AM
 
Location: NYC
1,723 posts, read 3,373,320 times
Reputation: 2884

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Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. They've all helped me so much. I realize now that it's more about the connection to the people than the actual objects that has me upset about getting rid of them. I know you all kept saying that.. but it just wasn't sinking in until now.
Sometimes you just can't see the forest through the trees.. I was particularly upset about giving up my dining room set to the point of being in tears, and I'm not normally like that at all, but then I realized that by getting rid of the dining room set it's kind of like the end of an era.. I won't be able to have Thanksgiving here anymore. That part saddens me, but the kids are so busy now with their own families that we haven't had a full house here in ages anyway. So, it's been an emotional journey for me not only in getting rid of things, but I think I'm finally coming to terms of how my life will change when we move into a smaller place.
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Old 09-13-2011, 10:59 AM
 
Location: California Mountains
1,448 posts, read 2,588,017 times
Reputation: 2334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriedeee View Post
I realize now that it's more about the connection to the people than the actual objects that has me upset about getting rid of them. I know you all kept saying that.. but it just wasn't sinking in until now.
I was particularly upset about giving up my dining room set to the point of being in tears, and I'm not normally like that at all, but then I realized that by getting rid of the dining room set it's kind of like the end of an era.. I won't be able to have Thanksgiving here anymore. That part saddens me, but the kids are so busy now with their own families that we haven't had a full house here in ages anyway. So, it's been an emotional journey for me not only in getting rid of things, but I think I'm finally coming to terms of how my life will change when we move into a smaller place.
The end of an era is not always a bad thing, even if it were a wonderful era. There are many new things to do and new memories to make for the next era. There will be many more Thanksgivings and get-togethers, not in your house and not around your dining table, but the food will come from your children's kitchen and the joy from their homes. You will help them creating their traditions and adding new memories to the old ones from their younger years. Then you will go home to your new and smaller place where you will make your own set of memories with your husband, and there will be many new things for the two of you to experience together since he will have more time to spend with you.

For most of us, the more years we lived and the longer the journey we travelled, the richer we become with memories and experiences. As every traveller knows, the heavier the luggage we take on the journey, the more effort we would need to lug them along, and the lesser time we would have to enjoy the sights and sounds along our paths.
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Old 09-13-2011, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriedeee View Post
Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. They've all helped me so much. I realize now that it's more about the connection to the people than the actual objects that has me upset about getting rid of them. I know you all kept saying that.. but it just wasn't sinking in until now.
Sometimes you just can't see the forest through the trees.. I was particularly upset about giving up my dining room set to the point of being in tears, and I'm not normally like that at all, but then I realized that by getting rid of the dining room set it's kind of like the end of an era.. I won't be able to have Thanksgiving here anymore. That part saddens me, but the kids are so busy now with their own families that we haven't had a full house here in ages anyway. So, it's been an emotional journey for me not only in getting rid of things, but I think I'm finally coming to terms of how my life will change when we move into a smaller place.
Sometimes it is much easier to give away something well loved rather than sell it. Case in point: recently I had a tag sale with a friend. I had some large prints purchased on my one trip to Italy--drawings by one of the masters. I loved these prints that I framed (three), but it was either get rid of some of my own framed artwork or these. I knew I should have sold them on ebay but had no patience for that. I priced them at only $20 each. One nutcase woman came by who tried to take off with one of them, loading it into her car without paying, hoping I wouldn't notice. I went to her car and confronted her (probably a mistake) and demanded payment. She refused to take it out of her car and reluctantly handed me $5. I told her to take the print out of the car and give it back to me. She had a sneer on her face. She then extended a ten; I told her no. Finally she thrust $20 bill at me and took off. I was heartsick. I would rather have given these away to the church or someone decent. Then, a young couple came by and were admiring the remaining two. They had a little kid with them and the woman kept staring at them as if she'd like to have them. I wound up offering the two for only $10 (for both) and felt so good when they profusely thanked me and drove away.

I learned that it's not money we need, but appreciation.
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Old 09-13-2011, 06:03 PM
 
Location: NYC
1,723 posts, read 3,373,320 times
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I plan on offering the china cabinet to my step daughter. I know she's always loved it. She's got the matching dining room table and chairs. We both bought the same set not realizing it at the time. The china cabinet is filled with her grandmothers 'things' that I hated to part with so she can have all the contents too if she wants.

I'm now trying to convince my husband that since this is a new beginning for us that we should buy all new furniture.. Start afresh!


it's not working though.

I really feel so much better now that I've gained insight into why I was so upset.. thanks again
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriedeee View Post

I'm now trying to convince my husband that since this is a new beginning for us that we should buy all new furniture.. Start afresh!
it's not working though.
On the practical side, do you really want to be moving (when cleaning or rearranging) heavy clunky furniture in your older years? Why not look into a whole new lightweight look, like the contemporary Danish furniture that is so stylish and easy to move around? You could do one room at a time, with the colors you like that are cheery and inviting. As you replace something like a heavy table for a lighter one, give away the heavy one. (I'll never forget my mother at age 80 struggling to pull a couch that must have weighed 3 tons out from a wall to vacuum behind it. When we moved her I thought the men in the family would get a hernia from having to move that dang thing--but it was her "favorite" piece )
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:33 AM
 
13,773 posts, read 33,909,853 times
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Don't do it.. you will be searching for the stuff you gave away for years. LOL

I gave away a lot of stuff and then turned around and had to buy the same stuff again.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:53 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,482,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keeper View Post
Don't do it.. you will be searching for the stuff you gave away for years.
In the alternative, just put it behind you.
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Old 09-14-2011, 12:45 PM
 
250 posts, read 648,654 times
Reputation: 199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles in PGI View Post
The end of an era is not always a bad thing, even if it were a wonderful era. There are many new things to do and new memories to make for the next era. There will be many more Thanksgivings and get-togethers, not in your house and not around your dining table, but the food will come from your children's kitchen and the joy from their homes. You will help them creating their traditions and adding new memories to the old ones from their younger years. Then you will go home to your new and smaller place where you will make your own set of memories with your husband, and there will be many new things for the two of you to experience together since he will have more time to spend with you.

For most of us, the more years we lived and the longer the journey we travelled, the richer we become with memories and experiences. As every traveller knows, the heavier the luggage we take on the journey, the more effort we would need to lug them along, and the lesser time we would have to enjoy the sights and sounds along our paths.

What a kind and thoughtful response.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
1,922 posts, read 3,779,535 times
Reputation: 1292
Default UpSize instead!

Our downsizingmove has been the concept of moving far far away from everyone and everything that we have knon for almsot the past 40 years. We are downsizing people and relationships instead of stuff of memories. And we will then have to upsize our relationships in a brand new place.

We are actually moving into a house which is 2250 sq ft from a house that is 1600 sq ft., with a garage that was 200 sq ft to one which is 800 sq ft. Our problem is that we need to throw away a lot, but there is so much that we cannot throw away. Like we need to keep the Fig tree that we bought in the first year of our marriage 38 years ago. Its as much a part of our family as anything we have, but transporting it 600 miles is going to be a PAIN! And if its cold when we do it, we will have to leave it with a friend for the winter. That is distressing

We are moving to a place where we hope many people will visit us. But the big house really is a two part house where in late spring, summer and Fall, we will live in the full house, and in winter, unless a crowd arrives, we will live in about 900 sq ft., so we can take much of what we have. But the problem is packing it all up and getting there.

That's what we are doing right now: Packing, waiting for our buyers to get final bank approval and go through their inspections, waiting to get a moving company to take our stuff, and praying that the renters of our house will get out in time so that we don't end up putting most of our stuff in the garage, and some in the house and living with friends.

Kind of hectic at the moment. Thank goodness I'm retired or I would have no time to deal with this.
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:05 PM
 
Location: NYC
1,723 posts, read 3,373,320 times
Reputation: 2884
Zarathu.. good luck on your new journey! I'd love to hear how it's going and what it's like once you get there and start your new life.

Hubby and I talked about moving to another state in a few years so I'd like to know how you're doing. Do you have friends or family there already?
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