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Old 09-21-2011, 07:49 PM
 
Location: California
4,552 posts, read 5,467,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eidas View Post
did any widow/widowers find that not only lost their spouse but most of their friends/social life?
Interesting that no one responded to this but that speaks volumes. Yes, people do stay away from things like job loss, divorce, or death of a spouse as they are afraid they will "catch it".

It takes a little time to get out again and enjoy life.

Peace
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Old 09-21-2011, 08:00 PM
 
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We did try a "couples" type bible study and it didn't work either.......most of the couples were 10 plus years younger than we are and STILL didn't have the same, or close to, interests we do. We love target shooting and using firearms isn't a very popular topic at any church! As stated by a couple of other posters, a lot of 60 plus married couples, who have grandkids, would rather be with them that doing any kind of "partying". We aren't a "party" type couple anymore, I just like to use the term "party". Funny thing is, I don't think I've ever heard a 60 plus yr old person say the word "party". Anyway, have also found out that a lot of 60 plus couples don't want to drink anymore.......well, that's not us!
As far as that Senior College thing, I just looked at their website and "I don't think so" for us. We have it here, but "no thanks".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
LoveBoating - why don't you look into a "couples" bible study rather than a "senior" bible study? We are in a small group at our church and they call ours "couples" bible studies, however, we have had several singles join us from time to time. Most of the couples are in their 50's; the leaders are in their 60's and I don't think they would use the word senior to describe themselves. You might have an easier time finding someone with your same interests.

Why don't you host something and have your beverages there? Then, there's no pressure and you may be surprised.

Last edited by LoveBoating; 09-21-2011 at 08:27 PM..
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Old 09-21-2011, 09:39 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,901,398 times
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I'd say overall my social life is even expended since retiring really. Its mostly because i have the time to attend mnay I did when working. Its more a matter of scheduling ease really.
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Old 09-24-2011, 12:17 AM
 
Location: Capital Hill
1,602 posts, read 2,724,345 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
Is it natural as you get older to want to do more with others or is it the opposite?

I come from a very social family, all my sibs have tons and tons of friends and all that. Since I have limited vision and had to work a lot, I've been a little left out on the friends end of it.

I have acquaintenances and I know a lot of people but how to get to know better? Do people want this as they get older?

Is this why 55 plus communities are popular for some?

I know some people just like solitude but I don't think I'm one of them. So, am I weird?
Well, my wife and I are getting close to eighty. We live by ourselves in a rather large older home. We feel that it's difficult to maintain the home both physically and financially. There are several retirement homes in our area that are always trying to encourage us to move into their establishment. Unfortunately, we have so much stuff and their apartments are so tiny, we know we would never be happy there. And, they are so expensive, we can't see how we ever could afford to live there. What I do like about them is that they seem to have well organized daily activites to keep the senior residence busy. My wife and I are dancers and we have been members of a dance club for years. We feel that ballroom dancing is ideal for senior citizens. It keeps the brain/muscle coordination in perfect harmony and it is a great source for social interaction. Also, our church is located where there are three large retirement centers nearby, so it has a large congregation of senior citizens from these retirement homes. They keep themselves busy at the church in volenteering by maintaining the church, we even have a homeless shelter in the basement of the church where the senior citizens cook meals for the homeless. As a senior citizen, keeping busy is so important if you want to retain your health both physically and mentally. Volenteerism is about the only way to do it. If all you want is solitude, then all your going to do is just fade away, a slow death. You must keep active, both physically and socially to ward off the dark hooded creature with the dull rusty sycle.
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Old 09-24-2011, 08:14 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,471,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinylly View Post
If all you want is solitude, then all your going to do is just fade away, a slow death. You must keep active, both physically and socially to ward off the dark hooded creature with the dull rusty sycle.
Hmm! Both my wife and I were loners and decidedly not joiners. Our profession required a great deal of social interaction and we were very good a schmoozing and "working" a room but liked it better when there was not that need. Now we're loners together and while we do have friends and socialize at times, we also value our peace, quiet and solitude. We get plenty of exercise, haven't rusted out yet, still have plenty to talk about and find our current circumstances in a very rural, small and lovely community to be quite satisfying.
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Old 09-24-2011, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,354,075 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Hmm! Both my wife and I were loners and decidedly not joiners. Our profession required a great deal of social interaction and we were very good a schmoozing and "working" a room but liked it better when there was not that need. Now we're loners together and while we do have friends and socialize at times, we also value our peace, quiet and solitude. We get plenty of exercise, haven't rusted out yet, still have plenty to talk about and find our current circumstances in a very rural, small and lovely community to be quite satisfying.
We're a bit like that. We enjoy each other's company, and both need alone-time and are not particularly gregarious. I also spend a lot of time alone these days, since my husband is still working part-time. Plus I love our summer home more than he does so I'm up there alone for weeks at a time while he's here in the city.

But, we also enjoy our social interactions, and keeping in touch with our friends, even if we don't see them. They do take work. We go to various pubs, hear live music (and know many of the musicians).

I think sometimes that we lean too much on our relationship with our spouse (assuming it's a close one), so I continue to reach out to make new friends and connections. I'm hoping to make new friends in Florida this winter in our 55+ community.
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Old 09-24-2011, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,380,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eidas View Post
did any widow/widowers find that not only lost their spouse but most of their friends/social life?
This happened to me! I lost my husband to cancer last year. Now I'm the only widow in my circle of friends...It's such a strange feeling and I feel like such an "oddball" now. Everyone has been caring but I don't think they can really relate to what my life is like today...I don't want to be a pest or burden on anyone. So I don't call my married friends very often. I haven't met any other widows or widowers or single people yet..Good thing that I enjoy spending time alone. I know how to amuse myself and have lots of interests. But I do get lonely at times and miss having more companionship and more social activities in my life...Our senior center is pretty "dead." I'm not a church-goer. And I'm not really much of a "group" person. My husband and I used to live in our own little "cave" a lot. Good thing that my grown son lives closeby. We get along great!...And posting on forums helps too. But I'm going to have to reinvent myself and my life soon so I don't "shrivel up!"
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Old 09-24-2011, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,354,075 times
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I'm sorry, I'm sure you'll make some new friends. You should also make the effort to see if your old friends can accept you in your new circumstances.

I think it's better, in the long run, to have some friends who aren't couples. We have a fair number of single friends, as well as couples where we're better friends with one part of the couple. Haven't ever done a lot of "couples" stuff. So we go out of our way to cultivate our single friends--increasingly that's going to be widows and widowers I suspect.
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Old 09-24-2011, 04:47 PM
 
6,390 posts, read 3,351,236 times
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CArizona,

I am so sorry for your loss---my husband is my dearest best friend of 30+ years and not a day goes by when I don't think that I will lose him one day and imagine how one carry's on. So please don't think of yourself as an oddball--you are learning how to survive (and hopefully thrive again) after such a deep loss that many of us will experience at some point and you will have much to share and teach us!
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Old 09-25-2011, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,380,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mountainrose View Post
CArizona,

I am so sorry for your loss---my husband is my dearest best friend of 30+ years and not a day goes by when I don't think that I will lose him one day and imagine how one carry's on. So please don't think of yourself as an oddball--you are learning how to survive (and hopefully thrive again) after such a deep loss that many of us will experience at some point and you will have much to share and teach us!
Thanks for caring...I'm glad you and your husband are so close and happy together...My husband was healthy and very youthful all his life. It was a big shock when he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. We thought he just had a minor problem...He was a "fighter" and lived an active life right up until the end. But the cancer spread fast at some point. He died 13 months after his diagnosis...We were best friends for 29 years and married for almost 25 years...It's going to take time to work through all the stages of grief. On the surface I probably seem "ok." But deep down inside I am still "in pieces." (Like "Humpty Dumpty!")
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