U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-12-2011, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,170 posts, read 8,693,102 times
Reputation: 6167

Advertisements

Since we are travelling soon (just a short trip), this is on my mind. My husband and I have wills and everything is documented, even with our pets.

It got me to thinking about my FIL (age 89-yes, we have a copy of the will) and our own children.

My FIL is very stubborn and maybe we are beyond the talk on this. But, I'm not sure. How to bring up? Do we just let it go, never talk about his wishes and all that?

(I have tried to get my husband to talk to him about a trust but he walks away and starts singing to himself).

And, then, should we approach our young adult children? (If something happens to us, the files are here....?)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-13-2011, 04:57 AM
 
5,822 posts, read 13,315,622 times
Reputation: 9290
My approach with FIL would be straight out. Talk about what plans you would like carried out and ask if he had any specific plans he would like. If he walks away or refuses to discuss it, I guess when the time comes you can do whatever you feel best, without any second thoughts.

AFA your adult children, mine are aware of where all the papers, will, etc. are and our burial plans. As stated in previous thread, we have a list of all pertinent information, accounts, phone numbers, etc. which is updated annually. If when you approach them, they don't want to discuss it, you should tell them for your own peace of mine, YOU need to discuss it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-13-2011, 08:32 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,496 posts, read 62,152,821 times
Reputation: 32177
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
And, then, should we approach our young adult children?
(If something happens to us, the files are here....?)
My dad invented "closed lipped" and NEVER discussed his personal details.
The one thing he did though was make sure my brother and I knew exactly who to go to if/when we needed the information.

On the whole I'm inclined to support this approach even with very adult children.
They need to know who your estate attorney is but they don't need to know much more.

Quote:
FIL is very stubborn and maybe we are beyond the talk on this.
How to bring up?
Do we just let it go, never talk about his wishes and all that?
The first hurdle is to determine if he has actually done anything (or not).
And by extension... whether there is anything to have done anything about.
Is there anything that anyone may need to know about.

Of note: An old out of date will can be worse than having no will at all.

Unless you know he has substantial assets or has had sophisticated financial dealings in the past...
he probably doesn't have any assets of any consequence now and doesn't need anything of any consequence.
Related... he may have blown his wad twenty years ago and never acknowledged it.

The healthcare POA's are another can of worms...

How to bring all that up is the only real question:
If he is a reader... do it in writing. If he is a talker... do it verbally.
Maybe video's with OTHER people describing and explaining...

good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-13-2011, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,170 posts, read 8,693,102 times
Reputation: 6167
Smile Suze Orman's wills and trust pack (kit)

I went online and listened to her. Great idea actually.

My MIL passed away in 2004. The will is from the 1970's and 1980's - she would update us with a note each year stating everything is the same or added some little thing.

She worked for an attorney at that time so all that should be good. My husband is an only child.

Back in 2005, I had him added to his dad's home and all his accounts (checking, CD's). My husband can look online for activity and checks every so often. Back in 2005-6, we had a little problem with him helping out a woman neighbor (in foreclosure). She acted like she was in love with him but believe me, it was a total act. 45 years younger - yeah, right?

It's a long story but his own sister in Pittsburgh was so upset she started coming down and staying with him full time.

My husband just showed him how to organize all his statements, bought him binders - this was a huge step - my FIL is a hoarder and there is stuff, papers everything all over the place.

My MIL was so meticulous about everything. She has beautiful pictures and I found her binder one day - the pages are all so yellowed now b/c he doesn't run the A/C (frugal) and it's like 100 in his house. It kills me b/c I loved HER and I know how she liked things done and it's not happening. But, since I'm the DIL, I'm staying out of it. (except I vent on CD)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top