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Old 09-14-2011, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Center City
6,858 posts, read 7,804,484 times
Reputation: 9478

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
I/we do appreciate all the comments we have gotten, even the "I have to be very honest/truthful" ones.
Some of you have said that I have no relationship with my daughter, that isn't true. What is true is that we don't have that much of a relationship. She has talked to me in the Chat area of Facebook and signed off saying "I love you......xoxo" and I said "we love you to xoxoxo!" She called me "dad" a few times last year in e-mails she sent to me, but doesn't call me "dad" anymore and I have accepted that. We still communicate on Facebook, so that is some kind of relationship! When I asked her to be my "friend" again a few months ago, she didn't have to "accept, but did. We can tell, she wants a relationship with us, but ONLY under her terms......which ultimately we have to accept or not have her and grandson in our lives at all. I made a comment about a pic on FB of her son fishing and said "I love a boy using a fishing rod/reel." She said, "I hope so, that's your grandson."
She loves boating b/c a former boyfriend had a small boat that they, including her son, use to go fishing on. She knows we have a 20' power boat and love it. I told her in FB "sometime you and ____ should come here and go out with us." She said, "perhaps you two could take a cruise here on it" and I told her "sorry, the boats not big enough to go that far." She said, "that's ok, I was only kidding. Some time we will drive down there".
So, folks, thru these statements, her and us DO have some kind of relationship going on! Also, back in 1999 and 2000, she sent me numerous pics of her growing up and pics of her wedding in 2000......I still have them.
Bottom line is, we won't let her and grandson go completely, unless absolutely necessaryThank you again for all your comments.
Nice post. If she can feel more of the love that comes through in this post compared to some of the judgment that seemed to permeate some of your other posts, it might serve as a start for building a stronger relationship.

Again, best of luck.
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Old 09-14-2011, 05:30 PM
 
7,339 posts, read 16,646,140 times
Reputation: 4567
Could and THAT'S what we will aim for now, but still not convienced it will happen!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jm02 View Post
Nice post. If she can feel more of the love that comes through in this post compared to some of the judgment that seemed to permeate some of your other posts, it might serve as a start for building a stronger relationship.

Again, best of luck.
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Center City
6,858 posts, read 7,804,484 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Could and THAT'S what we will aim for now, but still not convienced it will happen!
I believe you said in one post you were Christian. In that case, all you can do is give it your best by accepting and loving her for the adult she is, then leave the outcome in the hands of God.

Best wishes
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
1,922 posts, read 3,779,855 times
Reputation: 1292
Its sad to say that my 31 year old daughter blames me for everything bad that ever happened to her. Its especially sad for me to know that I was actively involved, and often helping behind the scenes, for everything good that ever happened to her. She still talks to her mother, but for reasons which I cannot fathom, she will no longer talk to me. She suddenly took offense at some event that happened 4 years ago, where we had to not stop to visit her when we had to go close on our retirement house. After that she bagan to make up reasons why I was the cause of everything. She hasn't spoken to me except to ask for her mother on the phone for more than 3 years. I've reached out to her by phone, by letter, by gift.... NOTHING... Its like I don't exist.

She was never the product of a divorce and she was never abused. Her mother was actively involved in school scouts for from daisy's when she was only in kdg, the when she was a senior in high school. I wished I had a mother and a father like we were. Compared to the pain inflicted my me by my parents, she lived the high life as a child and an adolescent. She lived in a loving family. Her brother lived there too, and while he is mostly busy with near end of and intense grad school PhD work, he will respond when asked. He does describe her as "high maintenance", and that we had to spend a huge amount of time with her endless "issues" about everything.

I feel for the OP. There is nothing to do, but let it go. Unfortunately, its hard, very very hard to let go of your only daughter. In a real sense, her mother has done this after she wasn't even invited to her wedding, and actually told not to come, when her mother suggested she could fly out for it. Despite trying hard to do it, I somehow cannot let go of my little girl.

Last edited by Zarathu; 09-14-2011 at 08:24 PM..
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Old 09-15-2011, 05:18 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu View Post
I feel for the OP. There is nothing to do, but let it go. Unfortunately, its hard, very very hard to let go of your only daughter. In a real sense, her mother has done this after she wasn't even invited to her wedding, and actually told not to come, when her mother suggested she could fly out for it. Despite trying hard to do it, I somehow cannot let go of my little girl.
Kids often come around in older age. They have life "issues" and if they are having difficulty in the work sphere (job) or personal issues (relationship or health) they often want to dissociate from their parents, needing someone to blame in their pain and confusion. Sometimes they can't stand who they are, and don't want to be reminded of where they came from. So they stay away or actually cut off relations. It has nothing to do with how well they were brought up, or not. You have not let go of your daughter, she has let go of you, at least in these years. As parents if we are a steady rock, they will probably seek that base someday and if we have not bitterly, or sadly, cut them off we will be ready to welcome them back.
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Old 09-15-2011, 05:30 AM
 
5,822 posts, read 13,318,850 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu View Post
Its sad to say that my 31 year old daughter blames me for everything bad that ever happened to her.
Some people cannot accept blame for what they, themselves have caused and in turn, blame those closest to them. It is very sad and heartbreaking, but they will go through life blaming everyone but themselves for their failures or bad decisions.
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:19 AM
 
7,339 posts, read 16,646,140 times
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As for us, we can only "think" of reasons why my daughter has had so many problems with men dealing with relationships. And, those "thoughts" can only come from what she writes on Facebook. She also has written how much she likes to party/drink and go out on the weekends with girlfriends, when they can, but that type of behavior really doesn't go hand-in-hand with motherhood (IMO that is). Sure, have a night out with girlfriends, but her comments can go much further than that! Last year she had a nice boyfriend that she talked nicely about and had pics of herself, son and him on Facebook in his boat fishing. She seemed very happy and then things went south and the relationship ended. She mentioned something about him cheating. Like I said in an early statement, she says she loves being single, but? A lot of people have different ways of covering up hurt/anger.

Last edited by LoveBoating; 09-15-2011 at 08:28 AM..
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
5,628 posts, read 4,224,097 times
Reputation: 4582
I have often found that the folks we meet and communicate with on Facebook are not the same people in the real world. I think it would benefit you to visit your daughter and grandson in person and find out first hand exactly what she is like, not just what she is like on Facebook..
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:00 AM
 
7,339 posts, read 16,646,140 times
Reputation: 4567
That is NOT what she wants! She has our phone number and address, unless she tossed it when she got mad and "unfriended" us on Facebook. From some of the things she wrote in e-mails to us last year, believe us, she is the same on Facebook as real life. When I contacted her on Facebook early last year, she said that her grandma (my ex's mother) was visiting there and, her statement "I hate the bit** and really wished she'd leave". We were stunned to hear her talk that way, but left the comment alone. Don't know what happened between granddaughter and grandma, but something sure did!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mco65 View Post
I have often found that the folks we meet and communicate with on Facebook are not the same people in the real world. I think it would benefit you to visit your daughter and grandson in person and find out first hand exactly what she is like, not just what she is like on Facebook..
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:05 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,487,261 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
That is NOT what she wants! She has our phone number and address, unless she tossed it when she got mad and "unfriended" us on Facebook. From some of the things she wrote in e-mails to us last year, believe us, she is the same on Facebook as real life. When I contacted her on Facebook early last year, she said that her grandma (my ex's mother) was visiting there and, her statement "I hate the bit** and really wished she'd leave". We were stunned to hear her talk that way, but left the comment alone. Don't know what happened between granddaughter and grandma, but something sure did!
And you are NOT responsible for that so don't take it on. Your daughter's an adult. It's her life and her responsibility, not yours. Do you wish she and things were different? Of course you do, just as I wish my triumvirate/trifecta of three girls were. But that's not the reality and is beyond either of our control's ability to change it. They'll get on with their lives for good or for ill and that's the thing left to us as well. We're doing it. Time for you now.
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