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I wonder...for a single or couple retiring and moving far to a new state, especially a smaller town where they know no one, how they can judge (ahead of time, esp if they couldn't spend trial time there), if it's a good fit in terms of the people already living there. If one is more of loner, I suppose it doesn't matter how welcoming the townspeople are. And I do get that one has to "make an effort and get out there, join things," etc...but for someone who is making a huge leap into a brand new place, this can be daunting even if one has the energy and inclination to do it.
Just wondering, esp if you are a single, how you fared in terms of fitting in and making new friends in a totally new place, far from where you left.
I just read this.. wow we sure have plenty to talk about.. maybe you can direct message me as I can answer through experience.
what are you doing in my head!! Its like you took the words right out of my head and typed them out.
Newenglandgirl. From my experience, acceptance in a new area is often times a factor of not necessarily whether it is a small or large town. I think it most often depends on if the people in the area have mostly moved into the area from somewhere else, or if the locals are all pretty much from that area. If they are all from that area, then they have family and friends that they have known since they were little. Its harder to be accepted in those areas. If an area has lots of people who have moved in from someplace else, then it tends to be easier to be accepted because many of them were also at one time new, and they don't have lifelong friends and family around.
I agree neg, it is best to be near family if at all possible. A definite thing to consider.
No thank you very much. With the bulk of our family in California (five daughters - my three and her two - and six, soon to be seven grandchildren) and the rest in Ohio (my two sons and four grandchildren) we chose the Ozarks. With a large family comes large drama issues. Someone(s) always have them. We're but a phone call, drive or flight away but don't have to live it every day, nor do we wish to. Those means of connection also work both ways.
We're precisely where we chose to and want to be. That was our primary consideration. In our "old age" we have that right!
I wonder...for a single or couple retiring and moving far to a new state, especially a smaller town where they know no one, how they can judge (ahead of time, esp if they couldn't spend trial time there), if it's a good fit in terms of the people already living there. If one is more of loner, I suppose it doesn't matter how welcoming the townspeople are. And I do get that one has to "make an effort and get out there, join things," etc...but for someone who is making a huge leap into a brand new place, this can be daunting even if one has the energy and inclination to do it.
Just wondering, esp if you are a single, how you fared in terms of fitting in and making new friends in a totally new place, far from where you left.
We retired to Kentucky (from So. California)....we would have never made such a big move had we not visited Kentucky multiple times, visited our church several times, taken many drives to see different areas, asked lots of questions, done research on the computer, etc. We considered about 5 or 6 states for retirement.
My husband and I were talking the other day about how it took us about two years to really feel like we "belonged" here - to know where everything is located, to make friends that you feel comfortable around, to have a routine of things you enjoy, to fix up your house exactly like you want it, etc.
Newenglandgirl. From my experience, acceptance in a new area is often times a factor of not necessarily whether it is a small or large town. I think it most often depends on if the people in the area have mostly moved into the area from somewhere else, or if the locals are all pretty much from that area. If they are all from that area, then they have family and friends that they have known since they were little. Its harder to be accepted in those areas. If an area has lots of people who have moved in from someplace else, then it tends to be easier to be accepted because many of them were also at one time new, and they don't have lifelong friends and family around.
Yes I agree with this. I moved to an "I was born here" town...and if I hadn't had several friends already established here, I don't know that I would have done too well, as I'm not a joiner. I've been invited by several to try out their churches....and I may do that, though I'm not a church-goer. It feels natural for me to be here as I have kids in close-by towns, and was born about 45 min. away from here. But when I contemplate being adventurous and living in a place far away, even though I may be very attracted to that place, these considerations play big in my imagination. As I've always believed, you can live in "paradise" and if it's not the right fit people-wise, despite your best efforts to reach out, having moved there could turn out to be a mistake you couldn't afford to make. On the other hand, people in ghettos survive because of their close network of family and friends who are always there for them, and vice versa.
No thank you very much. With the bulk of our family in California (five daughters - my three and her two - and six, soon to be seven grandchildren) and the rest in Ohio (my two sons and four grandchildren) we chose the Ozarks. With a large family comes large drama issues. Someone(s) always have them. We're but a phone call, drive or flight away but don't have to live it every day, nor do we wish to. Those means of connection also work both ways.
We're precisely where we chose to and want to be. That was our primary consideration. In our "old age" we have that right!
Ditto.
I have a brother who still (3 years later) doesn't know that we've moved 1700 miles away, simply because he has an entitlement mentality and only shows up when he thinks that we have something he wants. We have a son who is the same way.
The other members of the family who know that and where we've moved either 1) are not sure exactly where we are, 2) don't have the ability to get here, or 3) are too busy with their own lives to be interested in ours.
We have a few who have visited and enjoyed it, but we have no amenities within a half-hour drive - not even motels - and living like we do, where we do, does not appeal to most. They don't want to get up at 5 AM and work until 8 PM or later. They don't want to watch us butcher chickens, or think that the beef they're eating tonight had a name a few weeks ago. They simply don't see the allure - which is fine by us. We are better off not living near the relatives whose only thought is "what can I get from them today?" - and we sure don't want or need those types around us in our old age, "taking care of us"... They would give us the sort of "service" a stallion gives a mare. No, thanks.
As fo acclimation - we didn't come here to show people how to live, or grace them with our presence - we came here to do what we wanted with our lives and enjoy what we had and who we had become. They say here that it takes 20 years for newcomers to be 'accepted' - we don't care about acceptance. DH has skills that are necessary and folks have taken to just dropping off stuff at the door of his shop and calling later to tell us who they were and what they wanted. We get along with folks and have a good time when we are out and about - then go home.
Although many of the posts have strayed from the original intent (see below); the subject of feeling comfortable in new surroundings, making friends, being accepted, etc., is important as well.
Unless you actually live in an area, not just visiting from time to time, there is no way of being absolutely certain of how you will feel once you move there. It does help to have family/friends in the new location so that you will not feel like the 'lone stranger'. And when you choose a place to live in, whether it be a rental or a purchased home; again, you have no way of knowing upfront what the area will provide as far as being friendly, being safe, and or having the amenities you prefer.
Perhaps for some, they may have previously lived in the area and are now ready to return; but for most, it's a new ball game. This is why it is recommended that renting for at least 6 months to one year is the smarter move vs. buying up front.
This entire thread is very informative!
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl
Like many, I'm tired of seeing these "Best Places to Retire" annual lists written up by leading mainstream money magazines, with recommendations that seem pretty far-fetched to me.
I also see a lot of assumptions about places that may not be true across the board--such as California and New England are unaffordable. As some point out, in specific places some things are pricey and other things are not, balancing out the question of "affordability."
Many things are more objective, such as quality of medical facilities, things to do for seniors, kinds of housing available.
The one thing that is definitely subjective is "affordability." What is easily affordable for one may not be easily, or at all, affordable for another.
IMO, the best recommendations are from those on the ground, those actually living in or at least knowing a place very well firsthand.
If we were to stick to 5 simple questions, based on your living there (current or recently) how would you rate your recommendation for where to grow old? (Please don't list where not to.)
1. Niceness of the area, aesthetically
2. Driveability (traffic factor, distance factor)
3. Ease in access to basics: supermarket, library, P.O., stores, entertainment
4. Quality of medical facilities and senior living options
5. Affordable (all things considered, all kinds of taxes) for retirees of modest income, say $50K or under/year
"Paradise" (gorgeous small town) is just an environment to enjoy; by itself it can mean little without the component of close friends and/or close family that will really be there for us when we approach "old and infirm" (which could be imminent, or decades down the road, who knows).
There's a lot of truth here. My parents moved to a retirement community because it had lakes and pretty views. They loved it during the active part of their retirement, but in their last several years they grew to dislike the place (although they refused to leave because they did make some good friends, which was one good thing about the place). It didn't matter how pretty the scenery near the town was because they only left their apartment complex to go to the store and the hospital--and those drives became hard to do, so they weren't looking at the scenery, they just wanted to get to the store and home in one piece.
The big lessons I learned from watching them was:
1. Live near family or develop a network of close friends while your in the active stage of retirement. Know your next neighbors if possible, and make a few close friends with them.
2. Live near a good hospital. Having to drive almost an hour every day to visit my mom in the hospital was very hard on my dad. Medical care becomes much more important than scenery.
3. Have a grocery store/drug store nearby. My poor dad also had to drive several miles to get groceries, and that became a problem. I will never live in one of those humongo retirement communities where the stores are outside the community, several miles away.
I know people say you should rent for 6 months when moving to a new area, but that wouldn't have worked at all for us. When you know that you want to buy a retirement house and you have lived in a house for many years and have lots of furniture, etc., what do you do with a household for 6 months? Storage would be extremely expensive and it would be like moving twice - once when you make the big move and again 6 months later...no thanks.
Also, in order for me to feel comfortable and at home, I want the things about me that I am used to and familiar with. I want to be able to have family and friends visit and stay with us.
When we moved into our retirement house, I couldn't wait to nest - that is all part of adapting to a new place - apartment living - never - not even for 6 months.
Also, there are no apartments near where we live, so had we rented, it would have been in a different area - not the area where we bought our home - so you are basically putting your "real" retirment on hold for 6 months.
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