U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-12-2011, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,917,951 times
Reputation: 6716

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I'm a philosophical type of person, so my answer will reflect that . . . I believe everyone has their "crosses to bear" or things they endure that make life less than rosy and pristine 24/7. I have a lot to be grateful for - I live in a beautiful environment, I am relatively healthy, I have all of the basics . . .

And I also have a lot of responsibilities that I have chosen to take on (or that I have accepted) . . . I think it is normal to get burnt out when you are a "giver" amongst a sea of "takers" - If anyone gave me the nurturing I gave others, there would be no need for this thread, but life is not "fair" and people don't do what I would like them to do . . .

So I am basically doing the best I can, like everyone else . . . I don't think the details are that important . . . I am just mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Hopefully I'll snap out of it!
NewEnglandGirl - I am not trying to "make a diagnosis" (nor is anyone else here IMO). We are just trying to give practical advice. And I don't think anyone here can give practical advice in the absence of some information about what's going on.

Imcurious - If you don't care to share the information - fine. But I agree with some other posters that you really need to sit down and talk (possibly with a really close friend - or - more likely - a professional) about what's going on in your life. You are either a drama queen (I don't think so) - or - more likely - situationally depressed. You have to get together with someone with whom you're willing to open up and talk - someone who can try to help you out of this funk you're in.

There is only so much strangers can do for strangers on line - and I think I've said about all I can here. Robyn
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-12-2011, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,371 posts, read 9,856,251 times
Reputation: 10243
No advice, just sympathy, and a wish that you take non-caregiver time for yourself for renewal. Maybe a gentle yoga practice might be renewing...?

I've been known to ignore the phone for long periods--and to end "toxic" relationships with chronic complainers who refuse to move forward and just want an ear to vent all their complaints..

Sure, we all need a sympathetic ear to listen once in a while or to ask advice--but some just go on and on with the same complaints--it is exhausting and wears one down...we've got to protect/distance ourselves from these harmful individuals...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
NewEnglandGirl - I am not trying to "make a diagnosis" (nor is anyone else here IMO). We are just trying to give practical advice. And I don't think anyone here can give practical advice in the absence of some information about what's going on.

Imcurious - If you don't care to share the information - fine. But I agree with some other posters that you really need to sit down and talk (possibly with a really close friend - or - more likely - a professional) about what's going on in your life. You are either a drama queen (I don't think so) - or - more likely - situationally depressed. You have to get together with someone with whom you're willing to open up and talk - someone who can try to help you out of this funk you're in.

There is only so much strangers can do for strangers on line - and I think I've said about all I can here. Robyn
With some posters, you learn to read the first post carefully and give them what they want to hear, otherwise they become defensive and suddenly don't want to hear anymore. I was trying to be respectful by reminding us that she doesn't want advice, she wants stories of what others are going through similar to her. How that helps, I'll never understand....but that's what she asked for. To suggest treatment for depression is going to get a defensive answer....and, I have to admit, someone on another thread (lol) suggested I have to be screened for depression because I didn't see things the way she did .

You seem to be a very practical person. Practical responses apparently aren't what some posters want.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:25 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,847,719 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
With some posters, you learn to read the first post carefully and give them what they want to hear, otherwise they become defensive and suddenly don't want to hear anymore. I was trying to be respectful by reminding us that she doesn't want advice, she wants stories of what others are going through similar to her. How that helps, I'll never understand....but that's what she asked for. To suggest treatment for depression is going to get a defensive answer....and, I have to admit, someone on another thread (lol) suggested I have to be screened for depression because I didn't see things the way she did .

You seem to be a very practical person. Practical responses apparently aren't what some posters want.
I was reading your posts as genuine, I didn't realize you were being sarcastic or facetious.

Please feel free to use the ignore button if I am someone whose posts you don't care for.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:28 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,847,719 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
NewEnglandGirl - I am not trying to "make a diagnosis" (nor is anyone else here IMO). We are just trying to give practical advice. And I don't think anyone here can give practical advice in the absence of some information about what's going on.

Imcurious - If you don't care to share the information - fine. But I agree with some other posters that you really need to sit down and talk (possibly with a really close friend - or - more likely - a professional) about what's going on in your life. You are either a drama queen (I don't think so) - or - more likely - situationally depressed. You have to get together with someone with whom you're willing to open up and talk - someone who can try to help you out of this funk you're in.

There is only so much strangers can do for strangers on line - and I think I've said about all I can here. Robyn
Honestly, as I tried to explain, I don't think the details are very important. It's not as if I have a horrible, tragic life - I am actually very lucky to have what I do have - it's just that I am tired . . . a person can be tired without being depressed!

I am burnt out, plain and simple. I don't think there is a pill for that! (In this day and age, there probably is, but I don't believe in taking pills to try to cure life problems.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:28 PM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 863,777 times
Reputation: 2367
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I'm a philosophical type of person, so my answer will reflect that . . . I believe everyone has their "crosses to bear" or things they endure that make life less than rosy and pristine 24/7. I have a lot to be grateful for - I live in a beautiful environment, I am relatively healthy, I have all of the basics . . .

And I also have a lot of responsibilities that I have chosen to take on (or that I have accepted) . . . I think it is normal to get burnt out when you are a "giver" amongst a sea of "takers" - If anyone gave me the nurturing I gave others, there would be no need for this thread, but life is not "fair" and people don't do what I would like them to do . . .

So I am basically doing the best I can, like everyone else . . . I don't think the details are that important . . . I am just mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Hopefully I'll snap out of it!

i am not a psychologist and do not pretend to have "the answer" to your situation. however, i have known several people such as you describe yourself to be, and all would portray themselves as givers to the point of being used up. my feeling is that you over function in an effort to gain appreciation, recognition, love, all in the name of selflessness, and then become disappointed, frustrated, and angry when you do not receive what you feel is your due. in essence, by over extending yourself, you become a victim, and you consistently repeat this behavior because you never get back from others what you need. so, you feel the need to do more and more. my contention is that you never will receive what you need in these pursuits, as long as you expect other people to give you what you lack, perhaps the nurturing you didn't receive early on in life. of course, i'm speculating as i do not know your life.
i am not trying to be judgemental. all of us have contrived and invented ways of having our needs met, some in positive as well as not so positive ways. we are all products of every experience we have ever had and the way in which we function as adults reflects those experiences. i can only surmise what has caused this behavior, but i can say with some conviction that you will not "snap out of it". this is a pattern of long standing, it is not working, and it is not resulting in positive outcomes. i feel, as others have suggested, that only professional help might make a difference, and you would have to want to function in a different way. i truly hope you will make some different choices to help yourself have a more fulfilling life.

catsy girl
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:29 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,847,719 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleDolphin View Post
No advice, just sympathy, and a wish that you take non-caregiver time for yourself for renewal. Maybe a gentle yoga practice might be renewing...?

I've been known to ignore the phone for long periods--and to end "toxic" relationships with chronic complainers who refuse to move forward and just want an ear to vent all their complaints..

Sure, we all need a sympathetic ear to listen once in a while or to ask advice--but some just go on and on with the same complaints--it is exhausting and wears one down...we've got to protect/distance ourselves from these harmful individuals...
Yoga sounds great. I really feel like I need a respite . . . a spa vacation or something. Thank you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:35 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,847,719 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsy girl View Post
i am not a psychologist and do not pretend to have "the answer" to your situation. however, i have known several people such as you describe yourself to be, and all would portray themselves as givers to the point of being used up. my feeling is that you over function in an effort to gain appreciation, recognition, love, all in the name of selflessness, and then become disappointed, frustrated, and angry when you do not receive what you feel is your due. in essence, by over extending yourself, you become a victim, and you consistently repeat this behavior because you never get back from others what you need. so, you feel the need to do more and more. my contention is that you never will receive what you need in these pursuits, as long as you expect other people to give you what you lack, perhaps the nurturing you didn't receive early on in life. of course, i'm speculating as i do not know your life.
i am not trying to be judgemental. all of us have contrived and invented ways of having our needs met, some in positive as well as not so positive ways. we are all products of every experience we have ever had and the way in which we function as adults reflects those experiences. i can only surmise what has caused this behavior, but i can say with some conviction that you will not "snap out of it". this is a pattern of long standing, it is not working, and it is not resulting in positive outcomes. i feel, as others have suggested, that only professional help might make a difference, and you would have to want to function in a different way. i truly hope you will make some different choices to help yourself have a more fulfilling life.

catsy girl
I can understand how some people might come to this conclusion . . . "judge not lest you be judged," though . . .there are no text book reasons why people do "x" - I can tell you that what I am doing is being done from my conscience - I could not live with myself if I walked away from family members in need. That's just me.

I know others are different, because I know plenty of them.

I don't expect love and appreciation for my efforts, trust me.

What I said about nurturing is true though . . . some people are nurturers and some are not. I would LOVE IT, if someone would nurture me the way I nurture others, but that is not in the cards, and I am not holding my breath waiting for anyone to do that. It is just a fantasy I have when I feel depleted - that someone would come in with soup and other treats . . . not gonna happen!!!

I said I was philosophical and I am . . .I believe my particular lot in life is karmic and that I need to do what I am doing to fulfill my karmic debts. I am trying to make up for stuff I may have done in past lives, evidently . . . trying to do my best to be a "good person" to "do unto others" and all of that. I really do try hard and I super guilty of that.

Last edited by imcurious; 10-12-2011 at 06:53 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:39 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,463,318 times
Reputation: 29071
Burning yourself out for anyone or any reason is not karmic. It's destructive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2011, 06:54 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,847,719 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Burning yourself out for anyone or any reason is not karmic. It's destructive.
In YOUR world view . . . in mine, it could be a lot of things . . .not for anyone else to say, really, though, is it?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top