Old and Tired: Burnt Out (grandparents, vacations, community, adults)
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Thank you to all of the posters who offered ideas, support, and advice. I appreciate it. Evidently there are some people who just can't stay positive - it is mind-boggling to me, but then a lot of things are mind-boggling to me.
With some posters, you learn to read the first post carefully and give them what they want to hear, otherwise they become defensive and suddenly don't want to hear anymore. I was trying to be respectful by reminding us that she doesn't want advice, she wants stories of what others are going through similar to her. How that helps, I'll never understand....but that's what she asked for. To suggest treatment for depression is going to get a defensive answer....and, I have to admit, someone on another thread (lol) suggested I have to be screened for depression because I didn't see things the way she did .
You seem to be a very practical person. Practical responses apparently aren't what some posters want.
Since she didn't say in any way shape or form what she is going through - I don't think anyone else can share stories about similar experiences. Robyn
What I said about nurturing is true though . . . some people are nurturers and some are not. I would LOVE IT, if someone would nurture me the way I nurture others, but that is not in the cards, and I am not holding my breath waiting for anyone to do that. It is just a fantasy I have when I feel depleted - that someone would come in with soup and other treats . . . not gonna happen!!!
I said I was philosophical and I am . . .I believe my particular lot in life is karmic and that I need to do what I am doing to fulfill my karmic debts. I am trying to make up for stuff I may have done in past lives, evidently . . . trying to do my best to be a "good person" to "do unto others" and all of that. I really do try hard and I super guilty of that.
Some people are also martyrs.
In a way, being miserable is what makes them satisfied......not happy, but that is what they figure is their lot in life.
Often, they find that they are giving much more than other people actually need and/or that they alone aren't the only ones that can provide it but won'tseek help because that would take away their importance and self-described 'duty'
The underlined in your post really makes any suggestions you might be given pretty much useless.Doing any of them would conflict with your need to be doing as you do.
I was reading your posts as genuine, I didn't realize you were being sarcastic or facetious.
Please feel free to use the ignore button if I am someone whose posts you don't care for.
My posts are genuine. I have experienced the same thing as a mom of a bunch of kids, a sister to a bunch of sisters, an (ex)wife in a high-stress marriage, a daughter to a woman who nearly drove me off a cliff. I know what stress can do to a person. I was expressing in this post that when you and certain others start a thread, before I respond with comments I read the Original Post extra carefully because I know from your posts that you ask for stories, not advice. Most of us miss that and go off on a tangent giving all manner of advice and different diagnoses, rather than what you asked for...and when we do, rather than taking it in stride, you become defensive and express that you do not like those posts. I wish the Original Post could be embedded somehow at the top of every page of the thread, to remind us what is was so we don't go off on tangents and seem to derail the thread.
Back to your OP, my story has some similarity to yours except that health matters have made it necessary for me to think it's either "them" or me, and I choose me. Fortunately over the years following my mother's passing, everyone seems to be keeping to themselves. OTOH, I am a nurturing mom, and I am always here for my kids and friends. I've learned to listen, without judging. As soon as I start to judge, I feel I have to fix things, and then the stress starts in. I have chosen the path of the listener, which is the best gift I can give anyone.
My posts are genuine. I have experienced the same thing as a mom of a bunch of kids, a sister to a bunch of sisters, an (ex)wife in a high-stress marriage, a daughter to a woman who nearly drove me off a cliff. I know what stress can do to a person. I was expressing in this post that when you and certain others start a thread, before I respond with comments I read the Original Post extra carefully because I know from your posts that you ask for stories, not advice. Most of us miss that and go off on a tangent giving all manner of advice and different diagnoses, rather than what you asked for...and when we do, rather than taking it in stride, you become defensive and express that you do not like those posts. I wish the Original Post could be embedded somehow at the top of every page of the thread, to remind us what is was so we don't go off on tangents and seem to derail the thread.
Back to your OP, my story has some similarity to yours except that health matters have made it necessary for me to think it's either "them" or me, and I choose me. Fortunately over the years following my mother's passing, everyone seems to be keeping to themselves. OTOH, I am a nurturing mom, and I am always here for my kids and friends. I've learned to listen, without judging. As soon as I start to judge, I feel I have to fix things, and then the stress starts in. I have chosen the path of the listener, which is the best gift I can give anyone.
Well, that is very smart. I tend to get bogged down in worry, so my work right now is to try to approach things from a different vantage point.
There are some people in my life, whom I love very much, who are acting out at the moment, so I think that is adding to the the long-term normal stress and making it super-stressful for me.
Some people are also martyrs.
In a way, being miserable is what makes them satisfied......not happy, but that is what they figure is their lot in life.
Often, they find that they are giving much more than other people actually need and/or that they alone aren't the only ones that can provide it but won'tseek help because that would take away their importance and self-described 'duty'
The underlined in your post really makes any suggestions you might be given pretty much useless.Doing any of them would conflict with your need to be doing as you do.
Trust me, I am no martyr - we have the queen of martyrs in my family and it is not attractive - very manipulative. I desperately want to be healthy and happy . . . try to live a healthy life . . . it is a little simplistic to think that the ONLY reason I do "x" is for karmic purposes . . . that might be true in the larger scheme of things, but in the day-to-day issues, I am just super "responsible" - always have been . . .I see a need and try to either fill it or troubleshoot it . . .not necessarily healthy for me because then other people do not have to do what they "should" do, so it that sense I do too much and I am working on that.
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