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Old 10-11-2011, 02:58 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
Reputation: 8956

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I don't know how much of this is "normal," or how much it is just specific to my life.

I am in my early sixties . . .have raised kids and have been "taking care" of a few people in my family for years (by "taking care" - managing in numerous different ways . . .)

I just retired last year . . .

I am exhausted but here's the part I am wondering about . . . I have the following "symptoms"

* Aversion to hearing the phone ring - have been programmed to expect "bad news"
* Extremely low tolerance for other people's problems - just sick of the ones in the family who can't seem to get it together for one reason or another (there are a few of them)
* Pessimistic due to the above and am trying to shake it . . .

Everyone has problems in life, but as you get older, it just seems like there is not as much energy or optimism to deal with them - I know this is not true for everyone - there are those that remain optimistic, those who don't concern themselves with others, etc.

I am just wondering if other people feel as worn out as I feel and if so, what you make of it, or what you intend to do about it - and if not, what you attribute it to (specifically) . . .

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Old 10-11-2011, 03:26 PM
 
4,572 posts, read 7,055,913 times
Reputation: 4222
Have you gone in for a full physical exam...do you take vitamins (believe me, those things can really change your energy level), do you get some exercise?

One suggestion...if you can, change the ring tone on your phone to something fun (music) or funny, that way the phone doesn't seem so ominous. Or just don't answer, let the person leave a message and call them back when you feel like it. Gosh, just about everybody does that these days.

It takes alot of practice, but there is a difference between being concerned for others (a good thing) and actually taking in all their energy and taking on all their problems (a bad thing). I hate to use this word, but if you are a co-dependent type, you'll need to teach yourself to detach a bit. Maybe find some other family members to help with all this "managing" that you've been doing.

Early sixties is still very young these days...take care of yourself !
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
1,922 posts, read 3,778,428 times
Reputation: 1292
Yes.... But then you have reasons. Once you get out from under that stuff you should be better.

My wife and I are exhausted from trying to arrange everything to move 650 miles away with 20,000 lb of stuff that has to be all put in boxes. And to top it off, the renters who live in our retirement house were given notice more than a month ago, and claim they don't have time to look for a place. So now we will have had to pay more than $4000 in lost rent(they haven't paid rent since August), and court costs to get them evicted. On October 26, we will be homeless with all our stuff in storage living with friends.
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 10,732,445 times
Reputation: 3716
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I don't know how much of this is "normal," or how much it is just specific to my life.

I am in my early sixties . . .have raised kids and have been "taking care" of a few people in my family for years (by "taking care" - managing in numerous different ways . . .)

I just retired last year . . .

I am exhausted but here's the part I am wondering about . . . I have the following "symptoms"

* Aversion to hearing the phone ring - have been programmed to expect "bad news"
* Extremely low tolerance for other people's problems - just sick of the ones in the family who can't seem to get it together for one reason or another (there are a few of them)
* Pessimistic due to the above and am trying to shake it . . .

Everyone has problems in life, but as you get older, it just seems like there is not as much energy or optimism to deal with them - I know this is not true for everyone - there are those that remain optimistic, those who don't concern themselves with others, etc.

I am just wondering if other people feel as worn out as I feel and if so, what you make of it, or what you intend to do about it - and if not, what you attribute it to (specifically) . . .

I have two of the above symptons.

1. I also like no phone calls. Not that mine were bad news but many were things I had to respond/react to, so it is nice that the pressure is off me.

2. I also do not want to hear other peoples problems. The more you are removed from my day to day life, the less I want to hear. Many times people are not asking for your advice but more asking you to "agree" with how they handled it.

3. I am an optimist. The older I get, the more I understand life and the easier it becomes especially without the above #1 and 2......LOL

My advice. Try to unload those causing #1 and 2 and if not able to unload them, then at least try to avoid them.

Also, sleep later and drink more......LOL
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:25 PM
 
1,813 posts, read 1,137,172 times
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Imcurious, you sound perfectly normal to me!
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
If the OP lives alone, I would suggest pulling up stakes and moving. It sounds radical, but sometimes you have to do radical things to get out of stuck situations. Putting geographic distance between self and family can give one a new lease on life, with new home, new focus, new friends. To get through it, some kind of "help" in the way of "supplements" -- and a good friend to talk things through.
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Old 10-11-2011, 05:46 PM
 
4,479 posts, read 4,739,984 times
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I feel it is vital to anyone and everyone to find a place where you don't let all that crap get to you. For me, it is like "weeding the garden"... like not engaging with certain family members whom I know are toxic, realizing that you can't control bad news or good news and take it as it comes and let it roll off when you can't change any of it.

Some of it is a reprogamming of attitude and approach to life. Not always easy but eternally helpful and can be your salvation.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:02 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
I feel it is vital to anyone and everyone to find a place where you don't let all that crap get to you. For me, it is like "weeding the garden"... like not engaging with certain family members whom I know are toxic, realizing that you can't control bad news or good news and take it as it comes and let it roll off when you can't change any of it.

Some of it is a reprogamming of attitude and approach to life. Not always easy but eternally helpful and can be your salvation.
Yes, I do feel it is my attitude. When I become tired, I have a bad attitude towards everything.

I love the idea of just being able to take things as they come . . .I have a lot of aversion to that, so I guess that is where some work is . . . part of it is just feeling too tired to cope . . .
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:11 PM
 
701 posts, read 1,530,994 times
Reputation: 792
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I don't know how much of this is "normal," or how much it is just specific to my life.

I am in my early sixties . . .have raised kids and have been "taking care" of a few people in my family for years (by "taking care" - managing in numerous different ways . . .)


Everyone has problems in life, but as you get older, it just seems like there is not as much energy or optimism to deal with them - I know this is not true for everyone - there are those that remain optimistic, those who don't concern themselves with others, etc.

I am just wondering if other people feel as worn out as I feel and if so, what you make of it, or what you intend to do about it - and if not, what you attribute it to (specifically) . . .

I know just how you feel. I am so tired I want to just pull up the covers and sleep for a week.

Instead of gardening, reading, and taking long delayed trips to visit old friends, I'm spending my retirement years caring for my mother (who is in her 90's with dementia), my husband (who just fractured his pelvis in a bike mishap and can't put any weight on one side until sometime after the SuperBowl), and, upon occasion, our grown kids (who are still in college and are, mercifully, determined to live on their own and will probably continue do so as long as the Pell grants and college loans hold out).

I am so tired of cooking, shopping for groceries, doing laundry, vacuuming, straightening the place...

I use caller I.D. to screen my calls, try to count my blessings, and hope that someone on this thread will write about a strategy that will work for me.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 11,010,225 times
Reputation: 9460
It sounds like you are just tired and worn down by taking care of others. I can understand that and relate to it because I tend to be a caretaker, as well. You need to learn to turn off the phone, find your own personal happy place, and tell people "no" when they push you too far. You've raised your kids, paid your dues, and retired. This is your time to begin phase two of your life and find what brings you joy. Please don't let anyone steal your life or happiness. Best wishes.
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