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Old 12-03-2015, 10:28 AM
 
10,816 posts, read 8,061,664 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
After reading this very long thread, it occurs to me that if you decide to move you have to be prepared to leave your old life behind. Check
You have to be ready to give up what you had. Check
You have to be ready to detach yourself from your old life. Check
You have to be ready for a new adventure. Check
Be ready to explore your new area. Check
Be ready to meet and befriend people who are not like you. Well be leaving behind people who are not like us, to move to an area where people ARE more like us.
For the past 35 years we've lived in a place where everyone wears high-end designer duds even to the supermarket, drives a leased Lexus or MB GLE, and votes straight Republican. We favor casual clothes, hiking or walking shoes, drive paid-off Subarus, and support Dem/Independent candidates.

We are SO ready to be out of here but have a 2-year transition plan, just in case. Our new locale is only a 6-hour drive away, we'll initially rent furnished there and hold onto our current home for at least a year. If all goes well, we'll then put this place on the market.
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Old 12-03-2015, 08:57 PM
 
4,776 posts, read 6,609,438 times
Reputation: 6785
Quote:
Originally Posted by southeastern Regrets View Post
I would never had thought we would become so homesick. We have started thinking of returning, but we most likely will only be able to rent. The last thing we need is another mistake. Just the thought of forced to stay here for the rest of our lives is depressing. I can not figure out how to reverse this.
Could you go back "home" for a visit, maybe stay with some friends? You may find that "home" is not as great as you thought it was any more, and you can't wait to get back home!

Or, you may run across the perfect living situation for your retirement years and therefore find your answer to a way to go back. Either way is good, right?
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Old 12-03-2015, 09:25 PM
 
14,260 posts, read 23,987,654 times
Reputation: 20067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvvarkansas View Post
Could you go back "home" for a visit, maybe stay with some friends? You may find that "home" is not as great as you thought it was any more, and you can't wait to get back home!

Or, you may run across the perfect living situation for your retirement years and therefore find your answer to a way to go back. Either way is good, right?

I have been in Arizona for a year now after 15 years in the Chicagoland area. We had moved to the Chicago suburbs after five great years in the Cleveland area due to a job transfer.

On Tuesday, we spent a day in Cleveland in the "old neighborhood' wondering if perhaps we had made a mistake. While it was great to see the old neighbors and it was great going back to a lot of the old haunts. However, after a full day in the area, we realized that a lot of our recollections were shaded by "rose colored glasses" - that is, we recollect only the beauty and ignore some of the truths.

We enjoyed out day but realized that we are where we need to be.
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Old 12-03-2015, 09:39 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,730 posts, read 3,139,921 times
Reputation: 2955
My SO and I live separately in our own houses, but we have been together for decades. We were going to move out of state, and had a place all picked out. So, we put our houses on the market in 2010. They didn't sell, and we changed our minds and decided to stay here.

I still thought that moving sounded like such fun and I wanted a nicer house. So this summer I moved to my "Dream House" that is just 3 miles from my previous home.

I *don't* regret it. I love my Dream House, and every day I am so glad that I moved. However, that said, the move was so much more physically and emotionally exhausting at 67 than previous moves had been in my 40's and 50's so I wanted to warn you all about that. The problem is trying to do too much. I hope I never move again. But if I do, I will pack a suitcase and go stay in an extended stay place, and while I am there relaxing have the movers go to the house, pack everything else, and move it. That will cost a lot but if you are over 65 and if you can do it, that's my advice.
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Old 12-03-2015, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,404 posts, read 5,924,127 times
Reputation: 7121
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
For the past 35 years we've lived in a place where everyone wears high-end designer duds even to the supermarket, drives a leased Lexus or MB GLE, and votes straight Republican. We favor casual clothes, hiking or walking shoes, drive paid-off Subarus, and support Dem/Independent candidates.

We are SO ready to be out of here but have a 2-year transition plan, just in case. Our new locale is only a 6-hour drive away, we'll initially rent furnished there and hold onto our current home for at least a year. If all goes well, we'll then put this place on the market.
I didn't know you lived in Orange County!
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Old 12-03-2015, 11:32 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,404 posts, read 5,924,127 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southeast regret View Post
Thanks for the comments. You are right and we went through the positive list. But we still feel that we made a mistake. The positives are being near family, grandchildren, new adventure, down sizing home to more manageable (we had 1.5 acres and it was a lot of work), lower cost of living (taxes are 2K vs 12K in PA), warm weather, etc. But the only word I can use is culture. It's different as you mentioned.
Perhaps if we snowbirded, it would be different. Just like our visit last winter, we loved it here, helped us make our decision, but we knew we would go home to PA.
I think detaching from our old life, especially living in the same town for over 60 years, is harder than we think. It was a total surprise, especially for me. My wife is upset, but missin PA. I wake up each night at 3:00.
As we look back, we had many warnings from friends and family, "do not move to family", "your young, why? Wait until 70 or 75", enjoy your life where you grew up. "family will move on you and your in the south". all the positives are there, but the desire to be in PA is there. I keep thinking about 12" of snow and all the shovling, but it does not help. The family is good, but they have children and are involved with them. One daughter has been here for 17 years, the second 2 years.
Well, I think now we're getting to some of the real problem. Maybe being there full-time is different from being there on vacation; they have their own lives.

I went back and re-read your post about some of the things you didn't like geographically about the area. I have to admit, I never heard of the town; it appears to be pretty small, near the coastal resorts but not near any big metro area, so yes, that's got to be a total shock. I had somewhat of a similar experience when I moved to (a Jersey shore town) full-time in 2007. I already had a condo there and of course the summers were fun, but I even loved the quiet of winter down there. So I sold the PA house and moved to my condo full-time. Turned out even though I had been going down there for vacation my whole life, living there full-time was COMPLETELY different. First of all, it was very much of a small-town atmosphere; even the littlest things like the DJ getting fired at the Elks caused a big stink in the local paper. Two of the island towns recalled their mayors...the small-town politics was ridiculous. It was 45 minutes to the nearest decent mall (Egg Harbor Township), and of course 2-1/2 hours to Philly. I wasn't fond of any of the doctors down there and ended up keeping my doctors in Philly. And of course, in wintertime you could drive down the street and not see another car. Well, I don't know if any of what you're experiencing is similar, but I ended up moving back to Philly after two years there.

Last edited by Avalon08; 12-03-2015 at 11:33 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 12-09-2015, 06:15 AM
 
15 posts, read 17,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08 View Post
Well, I think now we're getting to some of the real problem. Maybe being there full-time is different from being there on vacation; they have their own lives.

I went back and re-read your post about some of the things you didn't like geographically about the area. I have to admit, I never heard of the town; it appears to be pretty small, near the coastal resorts but not near any big metro area, so yes, that's got to be a total shock. I had somewhat of a similar experience when I moved to (a Jersey shore town) full-time in 2007. I already had a condo there and of course the summers were fun, but I even loved the quiet of winter down there. So I sold the PA house and moved to my condo full-time. Turned out even though I had been going down there for vacation my whole life, living there full-time was COMPLETELY different. First of all, it was very much of a small-town atmosphere; even the littlest things like the DJ getting fired at the Elks caused a big stink in the local paper. Two of the island towns recalled their mayors...the small-town politics was ridiculous. It was 45 minutes to the nearest decent mall (Egg Harbor Township), and of course 2-1/2 hours to Philly. I wasn't fond of any of the doctors down there and ended up keeping my doctors in Philly. And of course, in wintertime you could drive down the street and not see another car. Well, I don't know if any of what you're experiencing is similar, but I ended up moving back to Philly after two years there.


You are right, vacation is not the same a living. I understand completely what you went through at the shore. As for the kids, we did not expect to see them all the time. That is fine and we have made some friends. I expect when we expand that circle, it will be better.
Time will tell, but it is depressing knowing what you left and seemingly trapped in a area that you simply do not want to be in.
This is very tough time for us and it does not really seem to get any better. I went out shopping the over day and for some reason I took longer than expected (got gas, checked out another grocery store, etc.) Maybe an hour longer. My wife thought that I simply left and went back to PA. I have the feeling of failue, regret more than her and I just can not seem to shake it. I am stuck here.
I always thought God had a plan for all, that it was his direction for some reason, but it occurred to me that God provides you with the tools, if you screw up, gamble away, or move to a goofy area, that is you, not God.
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Old 12-09-2015, 10:04 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,479,691 times
Reputation: 29071
My wife had regrets. This past summer she moved from our lakeshore home in the Missouri Ozarks back to Sacramento, CA, from which we moved in retirement, to live where her two daughters, their children and a great grandchild live. Two months later, wonder of wonders, she decided she missed me. She also discovered that city living in an apartment and no scenic vistas paled in comparison to the lushness and beauty of the Ozarks. She wished she had never made the move back. The fescue just wasn't more verdant on the other side of the divide.

But all's well that ends well and now she's back home to stay and will simply make periodic, short trips to visit her family.
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Old 12-09-2015, 03:13 PM
 
530 posts, read 537,963 times
Reputation: 959
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
My wife had regrets. This past summer she moved from our lakeshore home in the Missouri Ozarks back to Sacramento, CA, from which we moved in retirement, to live where her two daughters, their children and a great grandchild live. <SNIP>

But all's well that ends well and now she's back home to stay and will simply make periodic, short trips to visit her family.
... That's Good News, Curmudgeon! ... We'll be facing-off with the "Missing Them" demon that causes so much grief in married relationships - especially when we relocate away from local Family, for a better retirement.
We did receive a small bit of "good news" the other day, though: My DW's Daughter and Family are considering moving out of Cali while the gettin's good; probably to TEXAS - Which is where I'm itching to get back to, and where her husband has some Family members ... THAT would alleviate a lot of apprehension on DW's part, for sure!
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Old 12-10-2015, 09:45 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,479,691 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by tomchard View Post
... That's Good News, Curmudgeon! ... We'll be facing-off with the "Missing Them" demon that causes so much grief in married relationships - especially when we relocate away from local Family, for a better retirement.
We did receive a small bit of "good news" the other day, though: My DW's Daughter and Family are considering moving out of Cali while the gettin's good; probably to TEXAS - Which is where I'm itching to get back to, and where her husband has some Family members ... THAT would alleviate a lot of apprehension on DW's part, for sure!
Hope it works out well for all of you. Major moves, specially away from family, are no joke.
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